How I Figured My Trigger!

What if I told you that the people who tick you off the most in life are your greatest teachers? Maybe this makes sense to you. But a few years ago, if you're like me, I wouldn't have wanted to hear it. 

We're conditioned to want to make ourselves right and when things are different then our beliefs - it's easier to make it wrong rather than exam if there is any truth to it or to respect any differences. 

I grew up with four sisters, whom I adore and love. For quite a while they were the ones who could push every button within me. So I'm sure I did (maybe still do) the same with them. Imagine life giving me sisters who push my buttons. 

Perhaps if I reframe it, I could say "imagine life giving me some of my greatest teachers to grow?" 

Now watch out, the EGO will want to spin it into "yes, they are great teachers because I see what I don't want to be!" Sure, at a certain level this could be true. However, I invite you to push through and get curious to see if there is more to learn instead of just passing it off like that. 

A while back, during a discussion with a group of friends, I decided to be the observer as they talked. As the conversation progressed, I noticed that everyone was talking over each other and no one could quite finish a sentence without being interrupted. Even though I wasn't active in the conversation, I could feel a trigger coming on. I thought what is up with these people who only want to be heard and not listen. 

In a nanosecond, my brain went back to history. When you come from a large family, you often have to fight to be heard, and that is exactly how my family functioned for years. 

It was like a contact sport, and if you wanted to talk (so you could be heard) you better speak up even if it meant interrupting the other person's flow. You competed to win, which in most sports that means someone else will lose. 

The sport of interrupting didn't just occur among family and friends. It happened while I was in business meetings all the time. It was a constant trigger of mine until I eventually examined it further. 

When the trigger happens, it's usually something surfacing up from the past. I often refer to it as hysterical equals history. 

It's the little girl or boy inside of you that needs to be healed, and your teacher (life) will continue to push it out of you and throw up occurrences until you tend to it. 

Like many, I never felt a deep connection with whom I was speaking to in the sport of being heard; it resulted in frustration instead. For a long time, I avoided being in large groups when it came to dining out or big meetings unless I was hosting. Hosting meant I could "control" my environment and have the floor when it came to talking so I could be heard without being interrupted. 

Ding, Ding...big Awe-Ha moment is coming.

As I got curious, I realized that the little girl within me was dying to be heard. Why? You might think it is because I didn't feel listened to enough as a kid or when I did talk I was able to grab some attention. Somewhat true. However, on a deeper level what I truly desired was love and connection — an essential human need. 

One on one, as opposed to a group setting, gave me a place to listen to the person who was talking so I could connect with them as well as a platform of being heard so I could feel understood. Boom - love, and connection! 

Yep, you got me - it's one of many reasons why I love coaching. I get to serve others and also meet the human need of contribution. Plus I get to feel a connection with beautiful souls on a regular basis. Pretty cool! It's what gets my hiney out of bed without an alarm clock every morning.

If over talkers generate a trigger in you, or anything else, consider what they may be wanting and go from there. Moreover, if you're going to take it a step further, think what you could be needing. Once you figure it out and heal, the teacher will move on. It can also be a hint to your path in life. 

Self-awareness gives you the power to your truth, so you can examine and ultimately heal. It also puts you in a direction in life that is more fulfilling for you.

I invite you NOT to just chalk up something as a pet peeve, but to get curious about it. You can look at it as a clue from life to heal. 

Once you peel back the layers to your truth, you will discover that love and connection is not just a human need, it is your spiritual truth of who you are to the core. 

Don't be scared of the "teachers" who pop up. They are popping up to help you grow and uncover your true essence. 

“Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.”-Pema Chodron.

Wishing you a beautiful week! 

P:S: There are 6 core human needs. Love/Connection, Growth, Contribution, Certainty, Uncertainty (variety), and Significance. What would you say is your top 2? 

To your success,

Francine

My email: [email protected]

For more information regarding my coaching, workshops and talks visit FrancineMathiew.com