How I failed at work/life balance @Amazon

It's been six months already at Amazon and I have had to push the reset button for myself. How did I let this happen? How could I not have taken my own advice? I know better. I preach this to candidates as the biggest career lesson. Prior to Corporate America, I was a social worker and this was ingrained in us from the start. Boundaries. Saying NO. Perspective. Family over work. It all went out the window for me, and here's how it happened.

I am curious by nature, I thrive in ambiguity and even more so in newness. I get my energy from learning and sharing with others. Amazon is the first company where I haven't felt caged-in or trapped. For me, stagnancy and status quo makes me feel like I am watching myself slowly dying.

I need autonomy to create and learn, which is what Amazon stands for- we are pioneers and inventors. There is no status quo. It really is a perfect match for me. And with that I have had the most fun professionally in my life. I get excited everyday about what I am working on and the opportunities around me. So I said YES! Yes to volunteering for a pilot program, yes to teaching my peers about employment branding, yes to career fairs, yes to diversity & inclusion work, yes to recruiter training, yes to learning about other businesses, and yes to yes. Amazon is a company with limitless opportunities and possibilities. There isn't the corporate red tape to go through multiple layers to get involved in something that interests you. It's like a kid in a candy store. And I loved every minute. Until I started saying NO where it matters the most. To my family.

I started saying no to my kids' school events, no to attending their doctor appointments, and started to get home later and later every night. I was so excited to see them when I got home, but too tired to really be engaged. I had used up all my energy with my yeses at work and didn't have any more yeses for them.

So now it's time to reset. To set boundaries for myself, because only I can. To know that I can't do it all and nobody can. I will only take on one-two projects at a time that interests me on top of my day job. Because I have time to pace myself in my career but I don't have time to pace my kids growing up. Amazon isn't going anywhere and there will always be cool and interesting projects to volunteer for; but my kids won't always have their first field trip. And now I say YES to chaperoning his first class field trip at a pumpkin patch next week and NO to that extra project I have been eyeing.