How I failed & didn’t smash it. My struggle with starting & closing a business & heart failure (that’s what they call it - no sugar coating.)

Starting is hard, stopping can be even harder. 

I know I’m not the first or last person to have started something and it didn’t end exactly how I planned, or even anywhere close. That said, I thought useful for me and hopefully you reading to understand the journey and some of the lessons I learnt.

Taking you back to the beginning. It all started in my mind with The Naked Leader the first time in 2005 around on the brink of graduation - imagine if I couldn’t fail - setting up Student Beans became inevitable and there was no stopping us.

After 10 years building the business with my brother Michael I found myself at a point where I again had an idea and believed there was an opportunity to once more start again. Imagine if I couldn’t fail - the idea and mission of Causr - creating millions of meaningful connections for people nearby all around the world, every day. A location based App enabling people to connect face to face to network and connect. (To find out more background about Causr here is a link to the Medium articles I wrote.)

I created an initial version of the web app working with a coding school getting our first users, testing the concept and messaging.

The first and second major setback happened on the same day in March 2016 - having engaged a number of investors and commitment from 4 for ￡150,000 one dropped out due to personal circumstances changing. Further to that the technical Co-Founder I had on board decided that he didn’t want to pursue Causr full time, he was happy to be a technical advisor but no more. It was a hard day that I nicknamed Terrible Tuesday. One of the frustrations was I had applied for the SEIS scheme, once approved this makes an investment from investors much more attractive but it was just taking a long time. It felt like due to the delays with this it opened a window to loose the funding and my co-founder. It felt very hard at the time but looking back just one of those things I had to go through. 

Within a month however I was back on track and secured the funding from another investor. With the technical advisory support we ran a selection process and decided to work with an agency down in Bristol to build out the App initially on iOS. We got some great press coverage, a fun podcast shared on Virgin’s social media and Richard Branson himself shared about us on Linkedin.

There was an initial focus on business to consumer (B2C) but working with a Facebook marketing specialist the adverts on Facebook & Twitter were simply too high and not converting to engaged repeat users so we had to stop the ads.

The intention was always to have users be able to sign up as they like but within the App have dedicated groups that would enable anyone who was part of that group to open the App and see who’s nearby from that specific community and connect with them. For example if people from the same company or Alumni from a University were travelling to a conference and working in the same industry. People do business with people and the logic was if we can provide people of context of other people nearby this can go a long way in being the enabler to helping them connect face to face.

The biggest success we had was a user did a ￡500k business deal which was a huge buzz. I remember sending a message to my investors with a message from the user saying how fantastic Causr was and the difference it had made to him.

After the initial first couple of thousand users that were driven mainly organically and through the press we received, users just weren’t staying or coming back there was little interaction despite we knew of a handful of connections and opportunities. My focus then shifted to engaging with various communities.

Thousands of emails, hundreds of phone calls, meetings, positioning Causr with schools, alumni networks, big corporates, innovation teams, hubs, departments, the travel industry, co-working spaces. I hired a couple of dedicated employees to help with the Marketing and partnerships.

Phone call after phone call, meeting after meeting, there was positive feedback but it wasn’t enough. People said they were Interested but it wasn’t a priority. I met senior partners at some of the worlds biggest consultancies. One specifically who books over 1 million hotel nights a year for their employees. I met with their innovation team, their travel team, procurement, HR, Partners all acknowledged the potential or opportunity, some saying they were even discussing this internally and it has been over a number of years this idea kept coming up.

Another firm met with me a number of times showing interest in a licensing deal worth ￡50,000 a year for 3 years with a view to white labelling the service - they spend over $1Bn a year on travel it seemed like a perfect fit. I was sent their procurement security criteria and we were barely able to qualify for 10% of what was needed which was unsurprising due to the nature of being a startup of our size - the conversation however continued with regards to interest and promises of introductions to the relevant people and yet to no avail.

I had to let one the team I hired go after the first initial month as we were trying but things just weren’t working. It was a painful but necessary decision to make.

One London Private Members Club I met early on said they were interested and could see the value in the proposition, with a limitation that is was iOS only - something of a barrier that kept coming up I began exploring how we can build out an Android version.

Our iOS version was built on React Native after a long process deciding which was the best platform. The agency I used however was going to charge another ￡25,000 + to do this and I simply couldn’t justify it at the time. It would have used up the majority of our remaining funds.

Over the course of January and a good part of early 2017 I connected with over 1000 CTO’s lead developers and various technical people to see if I could find a way through the maze a non-technical founder. This was mainly through LinkedIn, from my network but also by attending events. Through all of this I ended up with around 10 people or organisations I thought might be able to help. I worked through all of them and finally found someone who said he had always wanted to work on something but nothing had resonated so he’d always been working for clients. This however he really saw the potential and wanted to come on board with an agreed package of salary and options once we had secured the next round of funding. In the meantime he’d help build out the Android version and manage the offshore production of this in Romania. We would work together and if there were any problems we could walk away no hard feelings. It seemed like the perfect option. He got to work and I continued to try and sell in partnerships. 

As an entrepreneur as we approached 3000 users, despite interest no one was saying yes, I was offering initially free trials, then paid trials but it just wasn’t a big requirement or need and people just weren’t committing.

I would often hear people make the analogy is it a vitamin or painkiller? What are you really helping or solving? For me it was clear that if we can help people connect more easily good things will happen.

There were three core benefits of using Causr which could be more specific depending on the activation:

1. Improved wellbeing by connecting people enabling them to feel less isolated.
2. A more connected community, resulting in increased opportunity to meet & collaborate face to face in real time with new & existing connections. This could additionally lead to anything from business development to recruitment.
3. Cost Savings, for example enabling people to connect easily for people to car share & travel together to or from an airport or train station.

As the Android version was getting closer to launch and partnership conversations continued there were a few wins my old school agreed to promote Causr to the Alumni network and The Prince's Trust with their network - the response however was disappointing and underwhelming.

It was then in June 2017 my world changed. I didn’t know it at the time what was going to unfold but I fainted in a theme park whilst visiting my partner in the Netherlands.

After exiting the log flume I ran up the steps to avoid being splashed by the oncoming flume hitting the water - I felt a sudden loss of strength in my legs, I tried to grab on to the side but wasn’t able to support myself so fell to the floor knees first then backwards hitting my head on the floor as a blacked out. 

I came to shortly after which felt like it was forever but was in fact just a few seconds - I’d felt like the scene in the matrix where I was still inside but someone had just unplugged me from the chair.

We sat and had some water then food deciding to leave the theme park - I felt a bit light headed the rest of the day as we enjoyed some time on the coast in the shade. I went to the airport and flew home that evening as planned. At the airport I had a chance encounter with Rory Sutherland where we spoke about many things as our flights were delayed including the idea of manufacturing serendipity and Causr.

On returning to London, I went for a checkup the following day - the GP said my blood pressure was a bit low when I stood up compared to sitting down so suggested to get an ECG and some blood tests.

Suspecting it was all routine I parked my car on pay and display for an hour and went in for the tests. With a very short wait I was given the ECG on presentation of the results the nurse disappeared and returned with a consultant who asked if anyone in my family had a heart condition or died suddenly. The answer to both was no. He told me I needed to have an ultrasound scan of my heart and to cancel any plans I had.

Whilst I was waiting I had the blood tests done, the ultrasound came back and was reviewed by the specialist who confirmed there appeared to be an abnormality and a problem with my heart. He told me I needed to stay in hospital.

I still had my car on pay and display at this stage - I asked if I could move it - he said yes but that I needed to return as soon as possible and report to A & E when I do.

The short drive home I was in a state of shock, picked up a few things and got an Uber back to hospital calling a few of my close family on the way.

That was the beginning of what ended up being three days in hospital on three of the hottest days of the year. Just a few weeks early I had been up the BT tower for an event I was now in hospital with a clear view of the iconic London landmark.

As I lay in a ward the person opposite was recovering from a stroke and learning how to walk and speak again. The other two gentlemen were much older than I, as we exchanged glances and had visitors come and go I couldn’t help but feel sorry for them and what they were dealing with at the same time felt they were looking at me being so much younger and trying to get a sense of why I was there and what was happening to me.

I remember a friend at the time saying to me if you’re asking why it’s happening to you, why not?

The three days passed with monitoring and blood tests trying to understand more why I collapsed and what the initial scans showed. Day 3 we had been waiting for an MRI scan to have a detailed picture of what was going on with my heart. As I lay there as still as I could I was scared, what results would they find? What would it mean? How serious was it? I had to breath in and out and hold at various stages. My hands went numb and were in pain. It was over and felt such a relief.

The waiting and then the results showed I have a condition called Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy. It means that the muscular wall of my heart has become thickened, making the heart muscle stiff. This thickening makes it harder for my heart to pump blood out of my heart and around my body. It’s more well known due to the marathon runners and footballers who suddenly collapse and die who are seemly healthy. For many people there are no symptoms before something serious happens.

The time in hospital made me reflect about what was important to me - I still believed in Causr and made a decision to continue on the journey. I spoke at a Lean startup event in London, winning a pitch which included a ticket for their event in San Francisco in Autumn with Eric Ries.

Shortly after this, the technical founder I’d been working alongside to build the Android version decided that it wasn’t for him in the end to continue working on Causr, again frustrating and especially as it was before delivering the finished Android version. Another blow that was hugely disappointing, I also clearly had a lot of other things on my mind. That said, he handed the management of the developers back to me to get the job done which by September we did.

I followed up with a number of communities who had said they would be interested once Android launched - but to no avail. The private members club I had been speaking to again and again just acknowledged the value for the club but was simply unable or willing to confirm and promote it as a tool to members. It was beyond frustrating.

Over the summer I continued to have more tests after being referred to specialist. 48 hr monitoring with a heart rate and blood pressure monitor. An Angiogram measuring the pressure of the blood going through my heart.

I also had an Xray showing that there was water on my lungs due to the inefficiency of my heart. I was put on a blood thinner and diuretics to help the blood flow more easily and remove excess water from my body and lungs.

Each time I met with the doctors I got the sense of this is clearly important but can’t be that serious or urgent as things would be happening more quickly. This couldn’t have been more so than the 21st September I was told I might need a heart transplant and was referred to the transplant assessment centre in Papworth near Cambridge to attend the heart failure clinic. This recommendation was as a result of reviewing all of the data and information and heart transplant assessment was the best logical next step.

I carried on and tried to make things with Causr work, meeting after meeting, phone call after phone call - with intrigue, promise and interest but not what was needed to push the growth of Causr. After initially being told I shouldn’t travel long haul I was able to get insurance and the Dr agreed I could go I flew to San Francisco for the Lean Startup event - which once again showed promise and interest with various chance encounters reinforced the story behind Causr and the opportunity. More corporate innovation hubs and promise of opportunity and collaboration. I flew back to the UK optimistic. 

I continued trying to follow up with various communities running up to the end of the year but nothing major materialised or shifted.

The 9th January 2018 arrived and I went to the transplant assessment for the first meeting in Papworth near Cambridge. The Dr explained there would be a simple blood test for NT-proBNP if the results showed a results low enough to be considered insignificant then I would be referred back to my specialist in London or it it was higher then I would have to come back in for a 2 day transplant assessment. The following day I got a call saying that the rate was 2700 and significant enough to be considered for further assessment. Not what I was expecting or what I wanted to hear.

The confusing bit again was the importance about what was happening, clearly a concern and yet they didn’t need or want, or weren’t able to see me until April. So whilst it wasn’t good news I kept thinking it can’t be that serious otherwise they would want to see me sooner.

The weeks and months that followed were hard for me especially with the uncertainty - I let my investors know updates along the way and up until then had been focused and continuing to see things through but it was with the overwhelming uncertainty. At this stage, I just couldn’t carry on and repeat what felt like the constant battle and fight to try and persuade the world that Causr could help them and make a difference for the communities and networks I was speaking to. I was tired of the frustration and rejection. The energy I know it takes to build a company, not so it just survives but succeeds was just not there.

A friend who’s a coach was in touch and agreed to have a catch up in the Shard overlooking London - we caught up over a few hours and he asked me a number of questions what came up was the importance of creating space - it’s only when space is created that things can happen and open up. We also discussed this idea of slowing down to speed up which also really resonated. When asked what was needed to create some space - within 48 hrs I’d booked and I took some time visiting a friend in Miami for some winter sun. It was exactly what I needed and felt better in myself the first time really since my diagnosis.

I returned to London for more Dr’s appointments and follow ups but then went skiing for a week which all sounds like life as usual. The doctors simply said just listen to your body and if you feel like you can do it then carry on. I’ve been a ski host the last 3 years for a week each year and it’s one of my biggest passions so didn’t want to give it up. I felt great doing it and it took my mind off things especially as I had a great ski group with around 20 people including a GP and a Nurse so felt like I was being well looked after even through my group didn’t know what I was going through or what I was waiting for.

In the background I continued with various follow ups and emails but the 9th and 10th April were looming and it was a hard few months. For the two days again there were more tests with the objective to answer the question do I need a heart transplant and if I do need one can I have one. 13 or more different blood tests, a cycling test, walking, another angiogram, assessing my lungs and capacity.

Once everything was complete I was then sat down with one of the nurses and talked through the scenario of what would happen if I needed a heart transplant. One of my brothers was in the room writing everything down and there to help me process everything.

I remember them saying if I need one I’d be put on the waiting list - there are around 500 heart transplants in the UK and around ? of them done at Papworth. I would have to be within 90 minutes of Papworth all the time. If a suitable heart becomes available it is usually removed, transported and transplanted to the recipient within 4 hours. Once a heart is available I would be blue lighted to Papworth. There would be then over a year or so recovery, on a cocktail of pills, not generally allowed to be in the sun and no Mr Whippy Ice Cream! (Surely if Mr Whippy Ice Cream is that bad surely no one should be allowed it - something to do with not being able to be sure how long it’s been there and what it contains!).

Less than an hour later I was then sitting with the Dr’s to be informed the news if I needed a heart transplant I could have one so that’s positive! I didn’t need one immediately - however there are still a number of things that concern them so they want me to be monitored every 6 months by returning to Papworth under their supervision.

It was hard to process everything - whilst it was good news - there still felt like the uncertainty and longevity - many people have my condition and live a normal life with a normal life expectancy. We take our health so much for granted and I felt it very hard to adjust and carry on as normal.

I took a holiday to the Greek Island of Mykonos and ended up meeting someone who introduced me to a lady from Newcastle who had been running a B&B for the last 30 years and was looking for someone to work with her over the summer. I decided to take the job and thought it would be a good break for me and distraction after the last 12 months or so.

Back in London before I went off I had a further follow up with my specialist - following genetic testing that had been reviewed it was now apparent they were worried my heart was at risk of suddenly stopping so they wanted me to have an ICD implanted - also known as a defibrillator.

I just couldn’t get my head around this - after everything and the transplant assessment being two weeks early with no mention of this - I just didn’t want to do it - partly also due to the waiting time of the procedure then the 6 or so week recovery time - the opportunity of living and working in Mykonos seemed far more attractive - whilst a risk perhaps more so than I was willing to acknowledge at the time - the thought of having the procedure scared me and made everything so permanent. I already had a monitoring device that had not shown anything significant in the last year and I just wanted a break from all of this.

I took advice from various people and Dr’s the key thing that was said is whilst I needed it - it was important to go into it with the right frame of mind and to delay it a few months is only something I could decide - the fact is I’ve had this risk my whole life and at least now I was aware of it. I decided to go. It was good for me, for the first time since I was 18 to have a structure around me day to day where the only thing that mattered was that day and to be in the moment. Such is island life - I woke everyday at 7am - went to the beach every morning, more for a splash than a proper swim in the sea then generally started work at 10 or 11 am for a 10 or so hr shift.

It was hard work - each night going to sleep like I worked for it. But I loved meeting people and discovered some amazing restaurants that I referred guests to and day by day I started to get used to things and get my head around everything including needing to have the defibrillator implanted. I also used the summer to help the owner put together a handbook of how the B&B ran to help put some systems and process in - I was interested in this side of things as one day hope to build my own - so it felt like a useful and worthwhile task to complete.

Over the summer I continued to be on email and try to explore various options of someone else running Causr, how I could sell what we’d developed or the best way to close it down. I contacted any of the potential communities for one last attempt to see if any of them were interested. This included trying to sell an exclusive licence of the software to the consultancy as a way of selling them the company without the need to due diligence usually associated that would prohibit a large business doing this type of purchase.

I didn’t gets to no’s, but just didn’t get the yes’s I needed.

In July I returned to London for a few day’s for a wedding of a friend and I’m not sure what it was maybe the heat and humidity but a number of conditions related to my heart got really bad and I was struggling to breath. I was worried water was back on my lungs - fortunately after an X-ray that wasn’t the case but and NT-proBNP level was raised which wasn’t a good sign - after feeling better again - I returned to Mykonos for the remainder of the summer without incident.

At the beginning of September I wanted to understand more about the defibrillator and was in touch with the British heart foundation who have been an amazing support - they introduced me to someone who has one installed to speak to them.

It was an hour phone call and whilst hard to hear - I knew I just had to have the procedure done. The person I spoke to was under 30, at the age of 23 had fainted but unaware didn’t follow up or explore what had happened - 3 years later he had cardiac arrest at the gym and had a defibrillator put in - it’s since saved his life 6 times. Twice when he was just lying down the other times when he was more active and doing sport.

Ever since I was diagnosed there’s always been a thought that my heart could just stop at any time - which clearly is a bit distracting and no telling the associated anxiety and pressure I felt under since I was told.

I emailed my specialist and set in motion the process to have the defibrillator installed.

I stopped working in Mykonos mid-September leaving a couple of weeks to enjoy the Island that I’d come to love. Over the summer the highlights included my partner visiting a number of times and various members of my family coming to stay.

The last few weeks I was able to enjoy the Island not working before heading home, I used some of the time and offered to run a co-created retreat - originally open to a few people whilst I got interest, due to the time frame and availability I had someone book in and it was a fabulous experience hosting a fellow entrepreneur. I got to share the island and give them some space working with them as a coach & mentor over the few days. Something definitely I’m keen to host and do more of in the future.

I returned to London and saw the Dr’s to set things in motion for the defibrillator- a number of pre-meetings, assessments, suitability and understanding of which type of device I needed. In October I had a follow up at Papworth for the transplant assessment where they again said I didn’t need one now but I needed to go back on some medication and the Nt-bnp-pro score was still significantly higher. I was told I need to return again in around 6 months. Whilst this is good news it also feels like in 6 months I could be told I need a heart transplant and then life as I know it would change forever.

I just want to get up every day, look after myself, feel good and be happy.

When I say that to people it always prompts me to think - shouldn’t we always want that? Why does it take something like this to happen for force us to look at what’s important - often we’re chasing and chasing but what for?

With everything that had happened and the impending defibrillator procedure I knew it was time to close down Causr officially whilst it had been on ice and running in the background I decided it was time to call it a day. I was in touch with all the investors and started the process of wrapping up everything and return the remaining funds I could to the investors.

I felt I tried everything in my capacity including reaching out to my main competitor who came up in conversation to suggest an acquisition where I would then work with them - I was pleased I had the conversion but they weren’t interested and said they were focused on growing and didn’t have the capacity and wouldn’t want to explore anything.

I tried.

Emotionally it was very hard and draining, what if I did one more call, had one more meeting, just one of these potential clients came off but I just couldn’t do it.

In December 2018 I officially closed down Causr so it is no more. At least in the form of the App and concept - the idea and the importance of enabling people to connect face to face is still very much alive - and I hope one day to still contribute to this work - I not sure how it will look or happen yet.

Why didn’t it work?

Was it me, the team, lack of a real technical co-founder, not enough money, the market, the technology we built, features we included or didn’t include. There’s a quote the difference between success and failure is the ones who fail are the ones who stop and the ones that succeed are the ones that keep going. I just couldn’t do carry on. My ‘heart’ just wasn’t in it anymore.

There was a great ted talk which states that the biggest reasons why startups succeed are timing it’s worth a watch. Perhaps we were simply too late or indeed too early. Time will tell. I still think we need more communication, more community, collaboration and connection than ever before with all of these themes at the heart of Causr.

The 20th December 2018 rolled around and I had the defibrillator implanted at St Barts in London, it was done under general anaesthetic - I was in hospital for the night and then home for recovery. It was more of an ache than hugely painful afterwards which was a huge relief. I had a subcutaneous ICD put in which starts my heart should it stop and also acts as a recorder sending data back to the hospital where they can contact me if it looks like there are any problems so it’s really amazing.

It has to be said as well the NHS from start to finish have been amazing - from the GP to The Royal Free, from St Barts and the specialists and nurses to Papworth my treatment and care has been world class, I’ve always felt they want the best for me and never once have a left an appointment feeling like I was being rushed or there was something left unanswered.

The British heart foundation have been amazing, as have cardiomyopathy U.K. and various support networks on Facebook specifically for people with my condition.

They also removed the other monitor that I had in my chest which instantly feel better. It didn’t hurt after it was installed there was just a constant awareness it was there.

People ask how I’m feeling after the procedure and the thing about the device is I only know it’s working really when there’s a problem. It doesn’t help with any of my symptoms when they arise, fatigue, or breathlessness. It really is an insurance backup and there’s still a good chance it will never be needed or activated. This one is in for the next 5 - 10 years for the lifetime of the battery. It sits between the muscle behind my rib cage in my back there is the a wire that does down the middle of my chest and connects around to the side. As I write this 6 weeks on it’s getting better. Every day it becomes more comfortable sleep and there are moments that I don’t even notice it’s there - I’ve been told this is how it will feel over time and I’ll forget about it completely.

The anxiety around if my heart stops has definitely reduced with this confidence that the device is there to look after me.

It feels strange to say as before all of this happened I feel like we all live or feel like we live with certainty in life but really that is a false sense of security as none of us really know what’s around the corner and what’s going to happen.

Would I have still left Student Beans day to day to explore Causr? - I think I would despite it not working about because if I didn’t likely I would have grown frustrated and would still be talking about this idea and wanting to try and make it work.

Everybody dies, but not everybody Lives - for me Causr was very much me trying to live.

Would I do things differently? Perhaps - if I were to start again some things I would consider.

1. How could I have tested the concept further before investing so much time & money? 
2. Once I found a way to test it, spend more time with the original version before committing to a more significant investment in technology.
3. Have a technical co-founder on board and fully committed.
4. How can you monetise from the beginning? With Student Beans we started charging clients before we even launched. In my first demo version for Causr we had premium features we were going to charge for but we were never able to launch with that so we were much further away from generating revenue from individual users. This made everything harder with limited funding.
5. Related to no. 4 - Get paying clients to commit before launch - a paid trial or commitment in writing to promote your service or tool. Or even a step further engage them to pay for the development of what they want. I had interest but that clearly wasn’t enough.
6. Set more deadlines for people and myself and move on if those deadlines are met. I went back to the same people over and over again and I should have got clarity more quickly if it was a no so I could move on.

What’s next?

For now I’m taking a bit of time out before launching into what’s next - that said I’m currently working with some clients mentoring / coaching. I’m looking to take on another 4 or 5 people that could be CEO’s or Founders or people keen to explore an idea and want someone to talk things through whilst they are currently working things out. Feel free to complete this form if you are interested and want to have an initial free call to discuss or if you know someone who might be interested or benefit from this.

I’m also open and available to be paid to speak events, Universities or businesses about startups, innovation, enterprise so if there’s something you think I can help you with feel free to be in touch.

Finally some thanks! Thank you for reading this far and thank you to all my family, my partner, friends, investors, people who met with me, partners who helped me, those who worked with me and everyone for their support always you know who are you. I hope what I’ve shared is useful to see behind what I’ve been through and the challenges entrepreneurs can face. It wasn’t easier second time around that’s for sure.

Often at events or when speaking to entrepreneurs they put on a brave face and everything is going ok, or great or even smashing it, when behind the scenes that really isn’t the case. If you know someone starting a business any help really is appreciated, social media sharing, completing a questionnaire, testing a product or just being an ear really does make a difference. Just remember to be kind to everyone as we really don’t know what people around us are going through.

Thank you again for reading and remember to enjoy the journey - after all it’s all we have.