How I Exposed My Emotions and Found My Light

The Day My Reflection Disappeared: How I Exposed My Emotions and Found My Light

I was always on time—bag packed, water bottle in hand, energy levels sky-high.

From training marathon runners to personal coaching to running special fitness batches for women—my days were packed.

And yet, before I trained my clients, I had to stick to my own routine.

Hitting the gym. Running 5K, 10K, sometimes 25K. Balancing it all seamlessly.

Oh, and did I mention?

This was just my part-time gig.

Because my full-time job? Being a mother. ??

I often heard people around me say:

?? “Yaar, tujhe kya tension hai?” ?? “Lucky you! Such a supportive family.” ?? “Tu toh mast rehti hai.” ?? “Teri life bindaas hai.”

And you know what?

They weren’t wrong.

From the outside, I had it all—a home, a car, a family, a thriving fitness career, and house-full sessions.

Even you must be thinking: "Toh sahi hai na… aur life mein kya chahiye?"

Sachchi mein… I thought the same.

The Mirror That Exposed Me

That morning, I woke up with my usual energy.

Same routine. Same commitment. Same drive.

I walked into my session, switched on the speaker, played the music, and as my clients took their positions, I glanced at myself in the mirror.

And what I saw terrified me.

It wasn’t me.

The reflection staring back wasn’t the strong, energetic trainer everyone knew. It was someone else. A weary figure with drooping shoulders, cluttered thoughts, and drowning eyes. Her body looked exhausted, her face carried lines of stress, and before I could fully process what I was seeing—tears began to fall down her cheeks.

I blinked. Tried to shake it off.

But the image in the mirror didn’t change.

Then, something even stranger happened.

I tried to speak… but my mouth was zipped shut.

I tried to reach out… but my hands were tied.

And suddenly, the mirror started pulling me in.

Everyone else in the room stood still, watching.

I screamed inside:

“HELP ME, HELP ME, PLEASE!”

But no one moved.

And just like that, I collapsed to my knees, sobbing uncontrollably.

The session was called off. The lights were shut. My clients took me outside for fresh air.

They tried to cheer me up. They spoke with concern, trying to make me smile, offering words of comfort.

And I did smile—acknowledging their kindness, appreciating their efforts.

But inside, something had cracked wide open.

I couldn’t hold the mask up anymore. ??

For the first time, I felt the full weight of what I had been carrying.

The exhaustion. The burnout. The loneliness.

And worst of all—the realization that I had been living a lie.

The Truth I Had Ignored for 4 Years

Four years before this incident, I was diagnosed with postnatal depression.

The doctor advised me to see a therapist.

But I didn’t.

I brushed it aside.

?? “What will people think?” ?? “I don’t have time or money for therapy.” ?? “This is all in my head.” ?? “I’ll heal on my own.”

So, I walked out of that doctor’s office and never looked back.

And for four years, I convinced myself I was fine. I buried the anxiety under busy schedules. I drowned the self-doubt in endless tasks. I smiled when I was supposed to, laughed when it was expected, and carried on like everything was normal.

Until my body forced me to see the truth.

That day, I collapsed.

And soon after, I found myself in the hospital, hooked to a ventilator.

Taking my last breaths.

And in that moment, I had to make a choice—DO or DIE.

I chose to do.

To fight. To find a way forward. To rediscover myself.

The Light That Found Me

I searched for answers.

Not in therapy. Not in fitness. Not in achievements.

But in writing. ?

For the first time in my life, I exposed my deepest emotions on paper.

I allowed myself to feel—without judgment, without expectations, without shame.

I wrote down the thoughts I was afraid to say out loud. The feelings I had ignored for years. The truths I had buried so deep I had forgotten they existed.

And as I did, something shifted.

I realized I didn’t need validation. I didn’t need a healer. I didn’t need to hide anymore.

I just needed to tell myself the truth.

And from that moment on, writing became my light.

My diary became my best friend—one that didn’t ask questions, didn’t judge, didn’t expect anything in return. It simply held space for me.

Through writing, I exposed my emotions instead of burying them.

And in doing so, I freed myself.

The Lesson?

We live in a world where high performance is celebrated, but emotional well-being is ignored.

We keep going. Keep pushing. Keep pretending.

Until one day, we can’t.

But here’s the thing—you don’t have to wait for a breakdown to wake up.

You don’t have to reach the hospital bed before deciding to heal.

You can start now. Right now.

So, Here’s My Question for You:

?? What mask are you wearing? ?? What emotions are you hiding?

Take a moment. Reflect.

And most importantly—don’t ignore what your mind and body are trying to tell you.

Over to You

If this resonates with you, drop a comment.

Or better yet—write it down.

Because the weight of unspoken emotions will always be heavier than the truth.

If this spoke to you, hit ‘Subscribe’ to receive more stories on emotional resilience, self-awareness, and personal growth.

Your story matters. Let’s write it together. ??

Until next time, Shivani Agrawal

VritoRasa – The Art of Emotions & Expressive Writing