How I Discovered That Some ‘Networking Skills’ Are Just Privilege in Disguise

It’s not about what you know, it’s about who you know.

We hear it all the time. I know I have said it to students I’ve worked with. People with privilege (white privilege, socio-economic privilege, able-bodied privilege, gender privilege - just to name a few), tell those that are looking for work that the reason they are not landing jobs, or promotional opportunities, is because their networking skills are lacking. A message is spread that those with less privilege would be able to find a job if they would just try hard enough to put themselves out there and connect to the right people.

While I don’t disagree that networking is essential for those entering the workforce or shifting into a new career path, there is a problem with teaching people that networking is just a skill to gain, without acknowledging the role that privilege plays in this skill. Access to networking opportunities and social capital is not equitable for all. If this fact isn’t acknowledged, we are left with an incorrect narrative that some people are not trying as hard as others when it comes to building professional connections.?

What do I mean when I talk about privilege in networking? I'll outline a few examples from my personal experience.

It took me a while to begin to understand my privilege in regards to building and retaining professional connections. My parents didn’t go to college and we weren’t wealthy. I barely knew anyone that went to college besides one cousin. I didn’t know anyone in my network who was wealthy, or studied finance, or owned businesses, or worked in tech. When I looked back at my college career and my first few jobs, I looked at the network I built and the roles I landed 'all on my own' and I said, “damn, I am good at networking!”

Throughout the years,? I started to uncover this a bit more and thought, “Well, why am I 'good' at networking? Why do I feel comfortable speaking to strangers and asking for the things I want? Where did this come from?”

My first thought went back to the small town I grew up in. Almost everyone came from the same background as my family. I was able to approach strangers and strike up conversations without feeling out of place or without having the recipient question me. I had always seen my mom do the same thing. From a young age, I had gone door to door in new neighborhoods selling girl scouts cookies without fear. As a teen, I waited tables and never felt out of place with the customers I served. For the most part, I was able to be completely myself and connect with other people, and people were pretty open and receptive to me.

Without knowing it, these early experiences began to form my networking abilities. When I got into college I struggled, yet, I had built a foundation where I felt comfortable connecting with strangers and reaching out for the things that I needed and wanted.

?As I started my career and began talking to coworkers who did not look like me I realized:

• I never had to worry that people were not accepting my LinkedIn requests because of my name or my picture.
• I never had to turn down a networking event because it wasn’t accessible for me.
• I never had to think of ways to avoid a handshake at a networking event because of my religion.
• I almost always had someone who looked like me at recruiting events and during interviews.

The list goes on. This means that without trying any harder than some of my peers, networking came easier to me for the simple fact that I am a cis-gendered, able-bodied, white person. Did I work hard to build connections? Sure. Did I work harder than everyone else? No!?

For those coming from a place of privilege, think about how different your experiences networking and going through the hoops of the job market may have been if you grew up differently. If you sold girl scout cookies door to door to neighbors who looked nothing like you. If you waited tables at a restaurant as a teenager and everyone you served was a different race, religion, or gender identity than you. If no one with your background was represented at the recruiting fairs or interviews you attended. You may still be successful at networking, but you would have had to put in infinitely more effort to connect with others and to get to the same place as your peers.

Begin to think of your own experiences and how these experiences contributed to your network and where you are today. Go back as far as you can think. Look at your current network. That is a start. Then, put in the work to think about how to use your current 'networking skills' to begin to make networking more equitable. Here are a few things to think about:

1. Get Out of Your Comfort Zone - This advice is always given to those starting off in their careers, but getting out of our comfort zones should continue throughout our professional journey. If new professionals and/or those with less privilege and social capital are expected to attend networking events and reach out to random people on Linkedin, 'seasoned' professionals and/or those with more privilege and social capital should be expected to do the same. Attend a coding bootcamp’s demo night and interact with students, go to a cultural event you saw posted in a Slack channel, and walk up to someone new at an event and strike up a conversation with them first.
2. Reverse Network- ?People looking for jobs or hoping to expand their connections are expected to increase their Linkedin connections, get coffee with higher-ups, join meets-up, and ask for job referrals. You should do the same. Connect with people outside of your network, even if you aren’t looking for a job. Comment on someone's Linkedin post to congratulate them or appreciate their work. Actively reach out of your network when your company is hiring and offer to talk about your open positions, and refer those who are interested.
3. Be Accessible and Approachable - When professionals think their network is 'complete' they tend to close off. They don’t accept as many friend requests or offers for coffee, and they don’t branch out when they go to events. They get busy and close off as a tactic to preserve their time and mental health. It makes sense. Yet, there is a lot to learn by staying open and offering your time and insight to those who reach out. Try and find time to speak with others that are asking for your help or referrals, even if you have to set a limit for how many messages you’ll respond to each week or how many coffee dates you’ll go on each month.

This doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface of creating more equity within our social systems. This is a systematic problem and cannot be solved with a few tips on a Linkedin article. Still,? I hope this article can help some people begin to think of this topic in a different way. At the very least, let’s stop telling people to just 'put themselves out there' without acknowledging all the factors that play into networking and building connections.

P.S I’d love to hear your thoughts. What has your networking experience been like?