How I Deprogrammed From The Military

Firstly, let me set some things straight so we have shared reality from the start. 

I am grateful I had the privilege of serving my country at such a high level in the Royal Marine Commandos. 

I am also aware that I volunteered to join, for that I take full responsibility.

Okay, now that’s out of the way, let’s get to the title of this article.

In order for a human being to cover large distances across mixed terrain, arrive at a predetermined location, fit and ready to engage with the enemy, that human being will have to undergo a systematic reprogramming of the mind. 

There is no way around it. There is no room for emotional human connection to the other human being engaged. 

If there was the machine simply would not function. 

This is not necessarily a good or a bad thing, it just is. And if that was the end of the story that would be it. But the truth is, the pandemic of mental health related trauma that veterans are left with has to be addressed in a more effective way. 

This cannot start and will not come from within the machine itself. This has to come from external sources. 

The first step is to recognise the programming that has happened. Each of us had to create in one extent or another a bullet proof PERSONA, a mask, a front that interacted with our environment so we could maintain a robust, impenetrable warrior like armour, capable of attacking the enemy one minute and sleeping like a baby among cracks of gun fire the next. 

For 10 years I crafted a solid persona. It served its purpose of being an efficient marine. However, it failed me when it came to being an authentic, whole, balanced, happy, loving, present father. 

Upon leaving the marines, It took me a further 10 years of exploration, ego death, humility, vulnerability, raw ownership of my entire self including my shadow, to arrive at a place where I could finally say “this is the real, authentic me”. 

The work is still ongoing. Loud bangs still release unreasonable amounts of adrenaline in my system, that perpetuate images of violence occurring around me as if they were real. 

But I am 95% better than when I left. I was blessed to have been surrounded by loved ones, people that had traversed the shadow lands and returned to share their wisdom. And now I am giving back, to those who are deep in the work, potentially lost, unaware who they truly are, scared to let go of the persona that ‘served’ them so ‘well’. 

Do not turn to the machine that did the programming in the first place to help you get better. It won’t, it can’t and I would go as far as to say, why should it? We after all, volunteered.