How I deal with fear, anger, hopelessness, shock and sadness.

Recently, a client pleaded: "Please tell me someone else or other people are freaking out right now, as in severe fear, anger, hopelessness, shock, sadness and so on."

Of course, I relate to everything she is experiencing. We all feel exacerbated loneliness and heightened anxiety these days; she is absolutely not the only one. In my former life, I would have bathed in the mire, been unable to see any hope whatsoever, become reclusive and existentialist. But I fought long and hard to change the thoughts and patterns in my life that held me captive in negative thinking. In response to these dark, challenging times I have taken a much different tack: deliberately withdrawing from as much of the fear-mongering and negative vibes as I possibly can.

I don’t watch the news. I don’t read the paper. I socially distance, wear a mask, and wash my hands. I am learning all I can about racism and how to be an anti-racist. I am learning and doing what I can to make sure that Trump is not re-elected. I support my clients, friends, and family. Other than that, I choose to live inside of a pretend bubble because the challenges of each of our individual lives are complex enough. I have white privilege and a savings account. I am one of the lucky ones. And I feel guilty and grateful every single moment.

"Be careful what and who you let into your psychological space."

-a trusted friend, years ago

Sometimes, we don't get to choose the things that come into our psychological space- and those things lead to trauma. Trauma or trauma (big T and little t; all trauma is a source of significant pain and suffering; we don't compare pain; pain is pain) require love, time, and attention to heal. For these experiences in your past or present, I have no words. I send you love, courage, strength, empathy, and self-compassion; it was/is not your fault.

But some things we get to choose whether or not to let in. It's those damaging or potentially harmful things that I deliberately avoid, just to reduce the amount of suffering overall.

Part of my work now revolves around intentionally choosing to do the things that bring me joy. Like, really indulging in that. Doing the bare minimum things that have to be done and that are unpleasant, and really soaking up the things that feel good. More than ever, I have a strong conscious awareness of how short life is and how much bullshit we all participate in. I’m not saying that you do that! I’m just saying that pursuing things that are enchanting, that I'm curious about, seeking out the mystical and tiny things that make me feel a comforting warmth inside, have seriously helped me cope.

It’s not that I don’t get in low moods! I do all the time! Rather than fighting them, I accept them now. I actually observe how my moods come and go moment to moment, hour to hour, throughout my day. It’s quite fascinating, really. I’m never too far away from a distraction and a mood change. This is probably not new; I'm just noticing more since I have the opportunity to do so now that I'm wearing fewer hats, no longer hyperventilating or flitting about town like I used to feel was necessary in pre-pandemic times.

Don’t know how any of this lands for you, dear reader, but I'd love to know:

What's it like for you? How do you deal with fear, anger, hopelessness, shock, and sadness? How do you maintain optimism?

Please comment below.