How I cracked out of my comfort shell

My comfort zone had always been this fuzzy but predictable space that would have a dramatic play-act of thoughts of the child-like dreamer-me and of the nurturing protector-me. This would happen quite often, I'd say. I would catch myself dreaming of wonderful possibilities that would give me such a cozy and warm feeling. I was born with a good voice and I have been praised for my singing at so many get-togethers. On receiving praise, I'd brazenly flirt with the possibility of making singing my career. I'd imagine myself make-up and all, in a wafting white gown crooning to a rapt audience that would break into thunderous applause, at the end of my performance. And this dreamland state would make me smile and feel so happy until the protector-me would step in and take charge with a resounding - NO. And so my thoughts would make the dramatic switch to ... Silly me ... I'm not thaaaat good ... and I don't even have any formal training ... it's okay Priya, you got appreciation and it felt good at that moment and that's that, I'd say. And I'd eventually return to nestle in my safe spot; as suddenly, the task of trailblazing with a career in music would seem so arduous. Then I'd console myself, that the protector-me meant well to keep me safe and secure. And, if nothing else, at least she wasn't adding to my worries.

I have to admit, much as it sounds like interesting crosstalk in my head, it was far from an ideal situation, and it was definitely not making me feel good about myself. In fact, my self-doubt subconsciously kept growing. And the conundrum or labyrinth or chakravyuh of thought that had kept me so-called "safe" within my comfort zone, had, unfortunately, over the years, allowed for so many of my singing-career-like dreams and ideas to go to waste.

It had been more than 4 years since I had harboured a desire to build my own open workshop on Leadership. But somehow I had consistently pushed it to the back burner saying ... I'm not ready yet. Oh my gosh ... what all will I need to manage? How will I develop the content? Why take the risk of wasting all that money? What is the need to do something new at the age of 54? What if I fail? Why take the "panga" at all? And what would people say? Sometime in the future perhaps I could try to ... Clearly one more flame was flickering dangerously in the winds of time and that perfect future deluded me in a game of hide-and-seek.

As a Leadership and Life Transformation Coach, I have come across so many such "stuck" situations with my clients and I have very ably helped them make the transitions they desired. And to speak my truth, when I'd watch them gush with emotion thanking me, I'd celebrate in their joy, while a part of me would be envious. I pondered over the question, why couldn't I seem to get unstuck and move onward and forward with my public workshop? I tried to coach myself. It worked to some extent and I made some headway too, but I'd be fooling myself if I said, that it is the only thing that helped me get to the other side.

Until early one fine morning, when I believe a latent heat moment had arrived in my life, I lay in bed while watching the dance of my thoughts, I seemed bored with the same old narrative replaying like a stuck record in my head. I felt overly upset with myself all of a sudden, for not being able to do anything to help myself, while I was helping so many others just fine. And I said to myself if I am ONE with my creator, as the wise say, what can I do to help myself? How about if I give myself the power to reboot this story and start a new narrative. How about if I introduce a new character in my playact - the risk-taking mindful-me. This was my first eureka moment.

The mindful-me is the one who leads with a purpose of abundance and love, who has an inside-out congruence, leads with integrity while staying rooted in her core values and loving herself through her journey towards new horizons... this is exactly what I wanted to share with the world and I had been making my coachees aware of this too but I wasn't applying it to myself. This was my blind spot.

The mindful-me had it in her to change the narrative and she suddenly took center-stage in my thoughts. And she was saying... I am present with abundance and love and I trust the universe to give me what has to come to me. I am taking the plunge of trusting myself to do my best and that is all I need to do. At that moment I also realized, that to propel myself into action, I would need to bounce my thoughts with someone I could trust and be open with about my fears of being judged. This is perhaps because for most of my life I have been accountable to someone. In order to lead fearlessly into the uncharted terrain, I needed a coach who would partner me in navigating the way! This was my 2nd eureka moment!

I jumped out of bed and called my dear friend Naru. I need your help, I said. His standard response was "Haan bol na behan" (Yes tell me, sister). Will you be my coach, I said quickly. Of course, when do you wish to start, was Naru's equally quick response. I was overjoyed, and we started our coaching sessions.

I finally started seeing the light at the end of my tunnel ...

And just as the unraveling of my journey caught speed, hurtling upon me came the most unexpected roadblock - Naru passed away on 30 October 2019. I was devastated. I could literally feel myself receding back into my comfort zone once again. I knew what I wanted to do and I knew in my head how I wanted to do it ... all I needed to do was put the ball in action. But I was silently grieving the loss of Naru, until another friend and coach, Alpa snapped me out of it and all but literally pushed me into getting back on track once again. I committed to restarting my journey by setting the date for my first workshop - It would be on Friday, 31 January 2020, I said.

Needless to say, the naysayers started ringing their warning bells - What is the point of risking this money, why would anyone come for your workshop - you are not yet a brand! The pricing is too high. You should offer a free workshop instead and then use their testimonials as a reference to build your brand and then charge.

But I was unstoppable and so I said in my coolest tone ever ... Well, if nobody comes, I will just use my hired cameraman to shoot the most badass film of myself on coaching, with the freedom of multiple retakes and my crew and I and some friends will have a grand banquet sit-down meal - I can afford to gift myself that after working for 30 years!

That shut them up for good!

Then started a whirlwind of activity, which included ideation, designing, marketing, organizing of partners, content planning, learning & applying instructional design, event planning, and ... oh so many things.

I am so very indebted to my beloved family for all their patience with my obsessiveness, Naru (may his soul rest in peace) for being my first cheerleader, my teachers Peter Reding, Sue Knight, Manjiri Latey, Kiran Gulrajani (ARK), Suman Nair, Rajat Garg, Nishith Shah, Judith Lowe, Sunil Verma and Neha Lehl for sharing their wisdom so generously, my coach Alpa Kapadia for her throwing me into the deep-end attitude and my friends Heather Gupta, Anita Sachdev, Gaurav Bhosale, Prasad Palav, Sandeep Kaul, Liya Gupta, Ashu Khanna, Ravinder Bhan, Ujjal Gupta, Mythili Dinesh, Navneeth Menon and so many more... each of which knowingly or unknowingly helped me in their own way and egged me along with their generous advice or outreach to their connections or just their words of encouragement. A HUGE THANK YOU to each of you amazing people for being the wind beneath my wings!

And before I knew it, there I was on Friday, 31 January 2020 at 9 am, in the Matisse room of the Sofitel Hotel, all set to welcome the participants of my first ever public workshop where I had the opportunity to share my learnings with my first 13 HEROES!!!

Words cannot explain, the joy I felt and I would encourage everyone to take that step to REBOOT in order to reconnect with your core values and your purpose once again and get yourself a coach who could help you get aware of and plug your blind spot and help you navigate your journey; so that you can not only dream your dream but truly live it too.

For me hindsight is (literally in) 2020 and friends, I'm onward bound ...