How I Almost Lost Myself Trying To Fit In Corporate America

We humans have a deep and innate need to belong – to one another, to our culture and the same is true when we’re at work.

According to a HBR research from the Center for Talent Innovation “when people feel like they belong at work, they are more productive, motivated, engaged and 3.5 times more likely to contribute to their fullest potential”.

Today I want to share how I learned that trying to fit in is completely different from true belonging.

In fact, when I was trying to fit in, I completely lost myself. When I found true belonging, I was able to be my true authentic self. That is a BIG difference.

So why was I so desperately trying to fit in?

For context, I grew up in Brazil and lived there until I was 18 when I moved to U.S. to go to college. My first job after undergrad was in a manufacturing plant in the middle of nowhere Indiana. While I was at work, I would look around and very often notice that I was the only woman and the only non-Caucasian person in the room.

It was the first time I realized I looked, sounded and behaved differently from everyone. It was the first time I felt like I didn’t “fit in”.

When I started my career in this Fortune 500 company, my grandma was so incredibly proud that she took me shopping when I was back in Brazil for vacation. She gave me some beautiful business suits. They were, in true Brazilian fashion, very colorful. For example, one was orange, the other was red, one was pink and the other baby blue. They were beautiful, expensive and very expressive.

Unfortunately, I told myself I could never wear my colorful Brazilian business suits to work. Everyone wore black pants and a simple button down shirt – and I desperately wanted to fit it.

I remember looking in the mirror and being conflicted… on one hand I was definitely fitting in and looking like everyone else at work… on the other hand I didn’t really recognize myself. I didn’t look bright or colorful anymore.

At that time I decided that I was going to add a splash of color to my outfit so I could still see my Brazilian self. I would add a bold, colorful, beautiful necklace to my boring black pants and white button down shirt outfit.

My desire to fit in impacted more than my wardrobe… it was much deeper. I also realized I sounded differently with my accent, I looked differently with my darker skin and hair and I behaved differently as well with my bright and passionate personality.

I felt like if I wanted to succeed in Corporate America, I needed to look, sound and behave a certain way… a different way than I am. So I slowly started to adapt, I looked around and tried to emulate.

When I joined P&G I also felt like I needed to fit into a specific mold. P&G is an incredible company, with brilliant people and they invest significantly in training and development. But people that work at P&G are sometimes called “Proctoids” for a reason.

In many ways this “fitting in” approach seemed to be effective… I became friends with my co-workers, I performed well at work and I got promoted. I had successfully become a “Proctoid” and I was very proud of that.

But after a few years, I realized that as I desperately tried to fit in… as I tried to look, talk and behave in a certain way, I had completely lost my true self. I was hiding and quieting my uniqueness.

About two years ago, I watched the animated-short Purl by Pixar – and it hit home. It is the story of a bright, excited, bold yarn named Purl who gets a job at a fast-paced, male-centric company and how she completely changes and loses herself trying to fit in with this close knit group.

Wow… my heart sank as I watched that movie… as a “Woman of Color”, I felt the exact same way growing up in Corporate America.

Right now things are changing rapidly in big companies, which is very exciting… Diversity & Inclusion is no longer an HR-led, feel good initiative but rather it has been embraced as a key strategic business imperative. 

Someone from my team said it so beautifully the other day… she blended this together from different talks and perspectives she had recently heard…

"Diversity is being invited to the party. Inclusion is being asked to dance. Belonging is hearing your music played. Equality is being on the planning committee."

I am happy to share that I am no longer trying to “fit in”… and just being me feels SO freeing and empowering. It is like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

My mindset completely changed… I am now proud of who I am … all of me… and I bring my whole self to work. I am very grateful to now be working at a company and in a team where I truly feel valued for being my true authentic self.

The change from “trying to fit in” to “feeling like I belong” has been HUGE.

The change happening in Corporate America right now is absolutely critical to create an environment where people with different backgrounds, experiences and ethnicities can all feel like they belong…

But another big part of the change that needs to happen is within ourselves.

It is hard to go from years of trying to fit in to all of a sudden embracing that we can be our true selves. We need to change our mindset and the limiting beliefs that have been so ingrained.

I am not a big baseball fan (growing up in Brazil, baseball basically didn’t exist), but I have recently gone to a few games since moving to Southern California and I have loved the idea of having a “walk on song”.

That got me thinking… what can be my “walk on song”? A song that can get myself ready and pumped up to be my true self… so my song of choice that I now listen to on my way to work and ahead of a big meeting is “This Is Me” from The Greatest Showman. Here is the part that gets me fire up:

“Look out ‘cause here I come

And I’m marching on to the beat I drum

I’m not scared to be seen

I make no apologies, this is me!”

The world is ready and needs all of us to be our full unapologetic selves. We now need to do the inner work to let go of the limiting beliefs that are holding us back and telling us to fit in.

To learn more about changing your limiting beliefs and developing a Super Mindset, check out my Super Mindset Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/SuperMindsetCoach