How I was all mixed up about confidence...

When I was a young man I used to run into very confident kids at school - they would say things like "I know I am 100% right" or "I am sure you are going to fail, Steve". Oh my God - these arrogant scoundrels (I am avoiding another word, keeping this PG-13) sure seemed to have a lot of confidence and it turned me off to the idea of being confident. So I just kept going along my not so merry way, questioning my capabilities and talents. As it turned out - I was mixing things up about confidence.

If you're like most folks, you don't think of confidence as being more than one thing. Actually, there's more than one way your belief system leads to a confident mindset. Psychologists will tell you there are two different types of confidence: 1) social confidence and 2) epistemic confidence.?

By the way, if you had a choice you would choose social confidence every time. Epistemic confidence can be very problematic, to the point of damaging relationships, your career and a lot of other areas of your life. Let's take a look at these two different attitudes and why you definitely want to possess the former and not the latter.

What Is Social Confidence?

Confidence of any kind means a belief in yourself and your abilities. It can pertain to social situations, sports, how you communicate, and on and on. You can be confident one minute and absolutely uncertain and unsure the next. Your confident nature often rises and falls depending on what activity or situation pops up.

As far as social confidence is concerned, the phrase is explained by its name. You are confident in social settings. It means that most of the time when you're interacting with other people you are self-assured and certain about your abilities. You know that your social encounter is going to be a success.

Your confidence can vary depending on a lot of circumstances. There is a move from incredible confidence in one social situation and absolute fear of the outcome in another.

You might love talking to others, even strangers, but hate being the center of attention. Perhaps you get anxious in big crowds but suffer no social awkwardness in a small group. Your social confidence varies depending on your past, your mood, the people you encounter, and many other factors

What Is Epistemic Confidence?

When someone is socially confident, they feel comfortable in the presence of strangers. They communicate and connect effectively whether they've known someone for five years or five minutes. That's the kind of confidence you want to develop.

Psychology Today tells us that epistemic confidence takes self-belief and self-esteem to unnaturally high levels.

These people are confident in themselves to such a degree that they can appear arrogant, boastful and narcissistic. These people are so cocky that no one wants to be around them. In many cases, their confidence is absolutely misplaced. Even so, they treat others as if they're inferior, even when evidence points to profound inabilities in the person with this type of confidence.

This narcissist often reacts loudly and defensively when proven wrong. They have deep-seated insecurities in many cases and struggle to form lasting, healthy relationships.

How to Develop More Social Confidence

?

Dr. Erin Leonard is a frequent contributor to Psychology Today. She says to develop more of the healthy type of confidence (social confidence) you need to step out of your comfort zone.

Pick those social situations where you aren't that comfortable and sure of yourself. Put yourself in those environments more often. This can help you strengthen your social confidence. She also recommends that the next time you think you're absolutely certain about something, stop for a moment.

Consider your opinion. A person with epistemic confidence won't change their opinion, even in the presence of factual information to the contrary. Social confidence allows you to change your opinion about something when presented with a different point of view.

If you are interested in learning more about social confidence - write the comment #socialconfidence below and I will make sure to send you a handy workbook.