How I achieved my wildest dream

US writer James Clear stated “Cast a vote for the person you want to be” and for me it is to become an ultra trail runner and be a new self.

One week passed since I crossed the finish line of a 75km (or rather 80km!) trail challenge. 100,000 steps, 1,700m total elevation.

I had the time to process the emotions and my legs are recovering nicely. My toenails are still bruised but I managed a gym session and yesterday I celebrated my birthday with a 90 minute sports massage which I enjoyed every minute of it.

There is one emotion that I have never felt so deeply for so long, it was PRIDE! Brene Brown’s definition of pride is “a feeling of pleasure or celebration related to our accomplishments or efforts”. Absolutely spot on, I felt accomplished and wore my medal everyday this week. I entered the gym building with a big grin on my face. A face of achievement and fulfilment.

I am surprised and honored of all the congratulations wishes received by my colleagues, friends, and peers. People felt inspired by my achievement. ?I realized I lost perspectives accomplishing things that I perceive normal.

Few people asked me "why" so I thought I would share a bit of a context on how I started my trail running journey.

Throughout my childhood, I disliked sports, ashamed and scared of my capabilities. On a cross country competition at school, I even faked an urgency not to take part to the event, riddled with anxiety and fear.

In the the next 25 years, I looked at joggers with admiration of their super power. I always told myself my legs are not made for running. Then 7 years ago, I started suffering depression. A friend of mine encouraged me to join her joggers group to have a go. So I did have a go and I couldn’t believe that I managed to jog 7km! Then it all started, 10km race became Half Marathon to then Marathon.

In late 2023, I suffered burnout after an accumulation of disappointments. I needed a challenge, a challenge that can keep my mind focused and a challenge to give me the confidence and shift the narratives to “I am worthy, I am enough”. I registered to my first “Ultra Trail”, a 53km in the Isle of Wight.

Transitioning from road running to trail running hasn't been plain sailing. In fact, on my first trail run, I tripped over an exposed tree root and flew like Superman to land on my face. It was a painful fall, I felt like a boxer being knocked out on the ring, but after 10 seconds, I stood up and told myself "I am not a quitter" and kept going. I learnt from mistakes and kept going.

My first ultra trail was a great first experience but I wanted to learn and keep progressing. So I registered and completed another 53km trail run 3 months later. The taste of challenges was so sweet and so aligned to my values!? I love the process of training towards a goal, channeling my strengths, resilience, dedication. It gave me a focus. And after each setback, I bounced back and told myself that I cannot control the uncontrollables but I can control my mindset and this is to challenge myself and reach new potentials.

So to fuel my thirst for challenges, I signed up to 75km Ultra trail. I wanted to test the “what if”. I wanted to raise the bar to test my body and mind to new potential. I officially started training in November 2023 with 12 week base training followed by speed work. Overall, I clocked 100 gym sessions, completed 10 runs of 20 miles, did 5 x 4H run on the treadmills, ran an average 50km a week. In the 12 months preceding the race, I ran the equivalent distance of London to Rome!

Preparing to endurance sports requires not just physical but mental preparations. I worked on visualisation techniques scrutinizing the moves of my idol Courtney Dauwalter, analysed my "WHY", questioned my values, gave my inner critic a shape, anticipated possible scenarios on race day and how to deal with them, learnt how to manage fear and turned to freedom.

Unfortunately, no pre-race week can be without drama. 10 days pre- race I caught a viral infection with cough and congestion. I couldn’t believe it! A testing period where I had to manage my negative emotions of fear, self doubt and anger and learn to get rid of them as these emotions were not serving me well. An entire week of rest, hydrate and eat.

Come to race day, all my congestion symptoms disappeared by miracle. I felt so strong with unwavering determination to complete the 75km course and have fun.

At the start line, I tried not to get intimidated by other runners. I focused on myself, my game plan, my mindset.

Countdown done and go, I started jogging, sticking the plan. Maintaining my pace in the first 25km stretch was crucial as it was a section with the highest climbs. My mindset was to stay calm, trust the process and be patient. Control the controllables, place my attention where I want to be, which was positivity.

My goal was to reach the next rest stop, and take each rest stop one at a time.

Then, setback.... I got lost and missed the crucial turn. I told myself it is ok, the race is not over, just stay calm and follow the STOP strategy (Stop, Think, Orientate, Plan), and most importantly, keep the heart rate low.

Throughout the race, I got lost or took the wrong turn 5?times, but each time, I remained calm and figured out the way forward. It is ok, the race is not over.

Some sections were covered with mud, the type of deep mud when your entire foot is covered to the ?ankle. It is fine, I told myself, be positive, it is fun and let’s move on.

I realised how important it was for me to stay with a group of runners, ?we gave ourselves encouragement to push ourselves to reach that goal!

Each time I heard water flowing from a water stream, I acknowledged the sound and used this as anchor to abundance, energy and strength.

At around 60km, I started running through the beaten tracks through the forest, going over branches. For a split of second, I felt like Jasmin Paris at the Barkley infamous marathon.

The happiest moment was running through a fairly flat field in the sun listening to Bob Marley's song “3 little birds”. It was a special moment.

With unwavering determination, I felt strong and at no point I doubted myself, I knew I could do it.

All I have to think of were “Pace, Hydration, Nutrition”. And in harder times, my mind just asked my legs to do one more step, and another and another and not let negative emotions to take over, make that inner critic voice quiet.

The idea of finishing the race by 6pm got thrown out of the window. All what matters was finishing the race before the cut off time and run to the finish line with a smile!

Very soon, the day drew to a close and it got dark. I told myself “It is ok, I just need to get the headtorch out, it is fine, I planned for it”. Running in the dark in the forest trying to find the “navigation markers” whilst hearing night owls added a new dimension!!! ?

Eventually I reached the last 2km, with mud as obstacles but it is ok, it is fine, everything is fine, then I arrived the car park where my husband dropped me off at 6am and then here they were: the organisers with the arch cheering for me. I “sprinted” the last 50 meters with huge face of happiness. My trail runner buddies, my husband and son were there cheering for me and waiting for me!!!

?I MADE IT!

We all have crazy dream but sometimes we tell ourselves we cannot.

Rome wasn’t built in one day but all it takes are small consistent steps to reach that goal.

Be consistent, persevere, learn, keep believing in yourselves, reach out to friends to support you on your journey.

I consistently showed up to all gym and run session, day or night, cold, windy, rainy, I showed up.

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James Clear’s quote states: “Cast a vote for the person you want to be” and for me it is to become an ultra trail runner and be a new self.

My mission is to increase the representation of 40-49 female runners in ultra trail challenges, promote inclusion and diversity in ultra trail arena,

Time to celebrate, improve my running form, improve my navigation skills and get a new pair of trail trainers ready for the next challenge and enjoy the wonderful ultra trail running community.