How to Hug Your Customer from Hell

"I want to speak to the hotel manager, now!" Travis Eggers shouted at the reception desk associate. He was frustrated that his hotel room was on a lower floor near the elevator and he had specifically requested an upper floor far away from the elevator. The front desk associate had already explained to him that two of the upper floors had reduced capacity because of upgrade construction and this weekend the hotel was sold out (along with almost every other downtown hotel) due to a national soccer championship game.

I had the misfortune of checking in to the hotel just as Mr. Eggers began his rant. His voice was so loud that I (and many others) heard every word.

When the hotel manager politely explained the situation to Mr. Eggers again, he became even more abrasive, and definitely louder. "No one mentioned all of this when I made the reservation! I am a platinum member and I've never been treated with so much disrespect!" Nothing was going to make him happy except getting exactly what he wanted, and what he wanted was simply not possible.

This is the nightmare scenario for every customer service professional. The customer who cannot be satisfied, who becomes loud and abusive (often disturbing other customers) and who continues to "dial up" as the conversation progresses, even when treated with courtesy and respect.

If you are in a customer-facing role, occasionally you have to deal with the exceptionally unreasonable customer, the "customer from hell" who abrasively insists on making extreme requests and throws a tantrum if the impossible demands aren't met.

So what do you do?

Hug them. Not literally - that's not likely to end well for either of you. But metaphorically, hug them.

First - recognize the moment and manage your own emotions.

Sometimes these situations sneak up on you, with the customer initially appearing to be reasonable until he or she begins to realize that they will not be getting what they want. And when a situation likes this builds, it is easy to get caught up in the emotions of the moment. But the moment you recognize that you have a demanding, unreasonable "customer from hell," you should remind yourself that there should be only one crazy person in this conversation (and that one shouldn't be you).

Manage your mental and emotional state the way you would if you knew you were dealing with an actual crazy person - you wouldn't take their insults personally (because they're crazy) and you wouldn't get upset by their unreasonable demands (because they're crazy) and you understand that this is probably a no-win situation for you (ditto).

You've probably seen and admired parents who can manage to keep their cool when dealing with a child's tantrum in public. This is the type of emotional control you should strive for when dealing with an unreasonable customer's tantrum.

Second - acknowledge their frustration and leverage the tension.

Nothing is more infuriating than expressing one's anger and having the other person just smile and put on a "happy flight attendant" face. Let the irate customer see that you are taking their complaint seriously - your face should be somber and professional, your tone of voice should be calm and friendly, but serious.

And don't try too hard to "make peace" or reduce the tension. First of all, unless you are going to give the customer exactly what she wants, there will be no peace. Second, if you try too hard to make peace and calm things down, you'll just look weak, and it won't change anything anyway. And third, the tension can serve you.

Tension is energy, and you can help the unreasonable customer direct his energy toward a productive outcome rather than a futile rant. Here are a few comments that you can make to potentially leverage and redirect the customer's tension.

"I definitely understand your anger, so let's focus on what we CAN do rather than what had already happened or the things which simply cannot be done. Does that seem reasonable?"

-or-

"It is clear that you are angry and upset, I get that, and I can;t change the past, so let's concentrate on what we can do going forward. How does that sound?"

 Notice that both of these examples ended with a question, asking for the customer's response or perspective. This can help to de-escalate the emotions of the moment without appearing to be dismissive or condescending.

Third - avoid "red flag" words and phrases.

Certain words and phrases are like red flags waving in front of an angry bull. When you use them you are in danger of prompting a sudden charge. These words and phrases should be avoided whenever possible:

• We can't...
• We don't...
• Against policy...
• Calm down...
• You must...
• Our systems don't...
• There is no way to...

Instead of focusing the conversation on the reasons why something cannot happen, focus on what you can do instead. For example:

"Given the limitations of our system, which I apologize for, here is what I know we can make happen for you..."

-or-

"I'm going to do everything I can for you, short of losing my job because I've violated a policy..."

-or-

"I don't want to frustrate you with the details of why our options are limited, unless you really want to hear all of that, but I do want to tell you what options are available to us, what we CAN do for you..."

Fourth - minimize collateral damage.

Do everything you can to move the customer to a location where other customers do not have to endure the tantrum. But give the angry customer a tangible reason for the move because on some level they WANT to annoy other customers because they know it embarrasses and puts pressure on you.

So don't say "Can we go to my office so that we don;t disturb the other customers?"

Instead try "Let's go to my office so that I can make some calls and get this resolved for you as quickly as possible."

Fifth - don't expect them to hug you back .

These types of situations almost never end with a happy and fully satisfied customer, and you can put a lot of undue pressure on yourself of you keep trying to make them happy (but are unable to get them EXACTLY what they are asking for).

Instead your expectation should be that you first made sure that you fully understood the situation, then gave the customer ample opportunity to rant and vent, and then clearly communicated what you CAN do. Even if your solution is clearly less-than-perfect from the customer's perspective, even if the harsh reality is that you can do nothing, your only professionally responsibility is to explain this clearly to the customer (after ensuring that you are fully informed and have given them a chance to express their frustrations).

Becoming comfortable with the fact that most of these situations do not end with a buoyantly thrilled and happy customer is probably the most difficult thing because most of us in customer service roles are inherently people pleasers.  We want to make people happy and EXCEED their expectations. So make sure you don't drive yourself crazy trying to achieve an outcome that is never going to happen.

In the end, dealing with a "customer from hell" can be a great learning experience, and also give you TREMENDOUS appreciation for the vast majority of customers who are reasonable and fun to work with.