Grow a Forest of Friends

A client who just moved to a new town told me she misses the tightknit community she had "back home." She said, "Sam, I remember those salons you used to host at the National Press Club in Wash DC. They were so much fun, you had to force us to leave. I want to do something similar here to kickstart a new circle of friends. Would you please share your secret sauce?"

I told her I was happy to, and thought I'd share these tips with you as well.

1. Invite 50% friends/current colleagues and 50% NEW people. The goal is to expand your circle, not just to hang out with people you already know.

2. Pre-announce an intriguing, relevant theme. Perhaps it's "The Best Speaker You've Even Seen/Heard" or "A Book That Changed My Life."

3. Start with 60 second intro's - and we mean 60 seconds - so everyone has a voice and "equal status." No in crowd which might cause someone to feel like an outsider. Plus, discovering shared interests right off the bat - and what intrigues us about others in the room - expedites mutually-rewarding conversations.

4. Instead of giving a listicle of credentials, suggest that people mention a project they're working on that excites them - or an event coming up they're looking forward to. This bypasses awkward chit-chat about the weather and leads to fun, meaningful discussions about what's lighting us up.

5. Keep the group to under 12 people so you can have a "round-table" conversation where EVERYONE gets to contribute. Put a time limit on comments (2 minutes?) so there's no hogging the conversational ball. Re-discover what a JOY it is to hear different perspectives from a variety of people.

6. Have a NO PITCHING rule. This is not about selling products and services. This is a rising-tide gathering where everyone has multiple opportunities to swap insights and give/receive best-practices. People can relax as they trust they won't be cornered by someone pushing them to hire them or buy from them.

7. Ask everyone to pay for their own meal so this isn't a hassle or out-of-pocket expense. Meet in a restaurant's private room so this is no muss-no fuss and you can do these every quarter without going broke or being exhausted.

8. Be the convener. Have you ever noticed that "Everyone is waiting for someone else to make the first move." If you'd like to create a more rewarding personal and professional life - don't wait, initiate. My son Tom did a version of a salon by inviting parents and kids to convene at his home on Halloween - and then they all set out around the neighborhood for a fun night of trick-and-treating. If you're going to a convention and arriving a night early, host a meet-up at the event hotel restaurant to kick-start the networking and connecting.

As that great philosopher Winnie-the-Pooh said, “You can’t stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them."

Don't just promise you'll do this... someday. Get out your calendar right now.

Schedule a salon 6 weeks from now. (Friday nights usually work well because people don't have to get up early the next morning to commute.)

That gives you enough time to secure a location, send invitations, collect RSVP's, plan the program, and host a rising tide gathering that's a win for all involved.

You'll be glad you did this, and so will everyone lucky enough to be part of this forest of friends.

People will thank you for gifting them with one of life's blessings - a SCENIUS - a term SCENIUS coined by Brian Eno.

In my book POP! , we call that a Half & Half Word - "Half scene, half genius."

That's what you're co-creating with your salon - a rising-tide community where the collective intelligence/energy/creativity is enhanced for everyone at the table.

Now, get out your calendar and book that salon/scenius. (Smile).

And report back?

Can't wait to hear how you create your version of this - and how it turns out.