How a Horrible Boss Became the Catalyst for My Biggest Career Move

Sometimes, it takes a challenging experience to find the confidence to make a bold change. For me, that moment came when I encountered a horrible boss. While many of us have experienced difficult leaders, there’s a distinct difference between someone who is simply not ideal and someone who has a profoundly negative impact on your career and well-being.

Over the course of my 30-year career, I’ve had my share of bosses, but I can clearly remember two that I’d categorize as "horrible." The first taught me valuable lessons about the leader I didn’t want to become. The second, however, severely undermined my confidence, left me questioning my strengths and leadership abilities, and even took a toll on my mental and physical health. Yet, in hindsight, this experience ended up shaping my career in a powerful way, teaching me resilience and helping me realign my values.

The Defining Qualities of a Horrible Boss

We all define a "horrible boss" differently. Some are more focused on results than people, others thrive on criticism rather than praise. For many, the emotional toll is what lingers. Horrible bosses make you feel insignificant, unworthy, or even incompetent. Just thinking about mine makes my stomach churn and my heart race.

Let me share my own experience with two such bosses.

Lesson One: Emotion vs. Leadership

About 12 years ago, I worked for a boss who struggled to control his emotions, often resorting to public criticism and harsh language. He would jump to conclusions without asking for clarity and led through intimidation.

Surprisingly, I took two important lessons from this experience. First, I learned to separate personal attacks from the actual problem at hand. By focusing on the issue rather than his emotions, I became better at resolving challenges. Second, I realized the kind of leader I wanted to be—compassionate, inspirational, and focused on creating a safe environment for my team.

At the time, quitting wasn’t an option. I had to adapt until a new opportunity came along.

Lesson Two: Finding My Worth After Being Undermined

My second horrible boss had an even deeper impact on me. I joined a new company with high hopes but soon realized the leader I admired wasn’t the inspirational figure I thought this person would be. This horrible boss fostered a toxic culture filled with disrespect, hostility, and impatience. The quick, harsh judgments and lack of empathy made my time there unbearable.

Within weeks, my confidence plummeted. Despite decades of success, I found myself questioning my abilities. The stress began to affect my mental and physical health, making it hard to even walk into the office each day.

The Turning Point: A Lesson in Resilience

At my lowest point, I met two remarkable women who gave me the advice I desperately needed. They reminded me of three important things:

1. I am worthy of better.?I was allowing one person to make me question a lifetime of achievements. My career had been built on perseverance, leadership, and genuine care for others, and no horrible boss could take that away from me.
2. I am resilient.?My happiness is worth more than any job. I’d already faced far greater challenges in my life, including the loss of my husband, and that experience taught me how precious time is. Did I want to spend my days working for someone who diminished my self-worth?
3. Winners know when to quit.?It’s not about giving up—it’s about knowing when to evolve. Just like athletes who retire at the peak of their careers, I realized this role wasn’t the right fit for me. It was time to focus on my passions and take control of my career.

So, I made the decision to quit. As a widow and solo parent, it was a bold move to step away without another job lined up, but it turned out to be the most empowering choice of my life. My career has since taken an unexpected and thrilling new direction—one I never imagined or had the confidence to pursue before. (Stay tuned for some exciting announcements!). I’m happier than I’ve been in years, and the positive changes have been noticed by my family and friends as well.

The Aftermath

I still hear from former colleagues who are struggling under that same horrible boss, uncertain of their next move. I often reflect on that individual with compassion, hoping they eventually find success by empowering others rather than diminishing them. After all, isn’t that the kind of leader we all aspire to work for—one who inspires us, fosters a sense of safety, and encourages our growth?

What About You?

Are you working for a horrible boss? Quitting may not be an option for everyone, but I hope my story inspires you to make the right bold decision for you. You are worthy and deserving of better. You are resilient, and making changes that align with your values and passions is the right move.

Remember, winners know when it’s time to quit and refocus their energy on new opportunities.