How Honest Should You Be On A First Date?

You’re on a date and the question comes up, “What are you looking for?” Should you be honest and tell them you really want a relationship, a lover, a best friend and life partner? Or should you slyly change the subject? This can be a hard one. You don’t want to come off as if you’re on a mission and interviewing potential candidates. However, On the other hand, you don’t want to waste your time either with someone who isn’t ready. So what are you to do?

Here’s my take… you shouldn’t tell them on your first date that you’re looking for a commitment. Why is that you ask? I mean, after all, I’m a Matchmaker and I help people to find “the one.” The reason is that when you’re on that first date you’re not looking for a commitment from them. You’re just getting to know them. You don’t want just any relationship. What you are looking for is “the right one”.

Anyone can be in a relationship, but you’d have to settle for someone who probably won’t be compatible and able to make you happy. You want a great relationship that’s happy and healthy with the person you really want to share the rest of your life with.

It’s sad when I hear people complaining about their spouse and their overall image of marriage sounds more like a parent/child relationship than that of a partnership. They’re unhappy and resentful of each other, let alone have sex with each other anymore. That’s not what you’re settling for. You want more than that. 

On a first date, I know you want to make sure your date knows your intentions are not just to hook up. I get it. People with those intentions are just a waste of time for you. I hear it from both women and men that they’ve been on dates and that’s all the other person wanted. You feel like you don’t want to waste your time. However, the problem is when you do tell someone you want a relationship, that creates an expectation and your date feels that pressure. On a first date, you’re not there to decide if they’re the one. You’re just getting to know each other and deciding if there will be a second date. Not a wedding. 

They could be having a great time and be really impressed by you, but if they suddenly feel any type of pressure for commitment from you, that could make them indifferent. You see on a first date people are assessing each other’s relationship potential, but they haven’t yet decided they really want a relationship with that person.

A first date isn’t about interviewing to see if they’re a candidate for marriage. It’s about having fun and getting to know the person. The key is to change your mindset to be that of giving while on a date. You’re there to ensure that your date has fun and enjoys their time with you. When you remove that pressure of commitment it changes the entire expectation of the date. You’re not trying to get a relationship. You just want to have fun and have a second date, because you had such great chemistry. Speaking of chemistry, this is how you make it happen. If you’re on your date and you’re both having a fun time, that chemistry will develop more naturally and really that’s the only thing that matters to most people initially. 

You see, it’s not a question of if you want a relationship. People are asking themselves, do I like this person? How do they make me feel? Am I attracted? Is there a connection? Etc. It’s about just enjoying yourself and ensuring your date does as well. Hope this helps!