How to Hit Pause on an Extrovert

The louder, the better...

Though it's commonly thought that to be recognized, lead, or sell, one must be highly extroverted, that's not always the case. A good relationship of any kind is built on mutual communication and understanding, and extroverted individuals often face challenges in listening and incorporating other viewpoints.

Extroverted individuals are undoubtedly the most visible in any context, especially corporate. Being extroverted has long been an asset rewarded with better positions and even higher salaries. The ability to say what you want, when you want, to whom you want, and the way you want to say it, is a significant advantage in becoming a role model (loved or hated) by others.

Just like in advertising, what isn't seen or heard isn't known, isn't talked about, and ultimately, isn't bought.

However, an extroverted tendency can cast much shadow (like any other behavioral trend). Just as in advertising, there can be a lot of noise or even blowing smoke in what is said. Saying a lot with high volume and charisma doesn't necessarily mean saying something important. Extroversion, which some neuroscience studies describe as a constant need for a dopamine shot, can sometimes be hard to deal with, especially for introverted individuals.

So, how do you stop a high-speed train of thought when it's stuck in a loop going nowhere? First, let's understand some characteristics of extroverted personality.

What is an extroverted mind?

We all have a personality, and this is the sum of our temperament and our character. From this internal conversation emerge our beliefs, habits, and the behaviors that 'define' us. In the eyes of others, we are the sum of what we think, feel, do, and above all, what we say.

People with extroverted personalities tend to share a temperament that, according to almost all (if not all) personality measurement tools (DiSC, Big 5, MBTI, etc.), prioritizes social recognition over other basic motivators of different tendencies.

For the extroverted person, being socially recognized is much more important. Consequently, they have adapted the other element of their personality, their character, to stand out among the many stimuli that the brains of those listening to them are trying to process.

The greater the intensity (in voice volume, body movement, and clothing colors, for example), the greater the visibility. This way, unconsciously, the extroverted person ensures that the recipient's brain prioritizes what they have to say or show.

The most effective advertising is the one that wins the competition for your attention, regardless of whether it is positive or negative.

Thus, the 'extroverted brain' is programmed to communicate everything they deem important in a more exaggerated manner. In extroverted non-verbal communication, everything is louder, faster, and more exaggerated.

In addition to the constant search to be a relevant stimulus for others, extroverted people (when in their shadow) tend to deprioritize the content, that is, the verbal aspect of what they are saying and focus more on the music than on the lyrics of the song they are selling to their colleagues. Therefore, (I insist, when in their shadow), it is often more important that the train moves, regardless of whether it is going somewhere.

What's interesting is that just as the extroverted person is programmed to outdo other stimuli competing for relevance in your brain, they also tend to ignore those that do not show the same level of intensity. Simply put, the 'extroverted brain' finds stimuli that are also louder, faster, and more exaggerated to be relevant. It takes a lot of intensity in non-verbal communication to interest extroverted people, and this is a key insight for understanding how to interrupt them.

Then, why interrupt an extroverted person?

Well, aside from wanting to address the frustration that introverted individuals may feel while waiting for the right moment to join the conversation—essentially waiting for the train to stop for a few seconds (which rarely happens, especially when the extroverted train has entered a 'destination-less loop')—it is often necessary to interrupt colleagues, leaders, and even clients to maintain focus and strategy in a joint presentation or to effectively advance a good sale.

The extroverted mind is a high-speed train, loaded with creativity, energy, and charisma, and it is essential to chart its course to avoid wasting time and resources going in circles, heading nowhere.

"Yupa, I find it disrespectful when someone like that (extroverted) doesn't consider the others who clearly want to participate and just decides not to give them a chance", a university professor remarked during one of my Empathy in the Workplace 101 workshops.

To which I responded, "Professor, the key to catching the attention of an extroverted person stuck in 'loop mode' is to be as theatrical as their non-verbal communication" and I concluded, "Extroverts rarely yield the floor, so you, Prof, have to take it." - "But 'taking the floor' can be seen as disrespectful..." - "No, not if you first become a relevant stimulus to their extroverted mind through your non-verbal communication. Once you achieve that, they prioritize you and pause to listen."

The key is to match the intensity and pace of their non-verbal communication. Once both rhythms synchronize, we'll truly stand out to their stimulus filter in the extroverted brain

So, how to hit pause on an extrovert person?

Imagine a modern action movie. A train is speeding at X velocity, and you, on a motorcycle, are chasing that train at X/8 speed, trying to catch up so you can jump and get into one of its cars. The only way to do it is to match both speeds so that the laws of physics are on your side.

Similarly, when you want to jump into a conversation, you must match the rhythm of the 'runaway' train with your body movements (hands, facial expressions, etc.), become the 'winning' stimulus, and catch the attention of the extroverted mind. You'll then have a few seconds to enter with a voice that matches their acoustic characteristics, and there, the 'extroverted brain' will give you a window of opportunity to take control of the train and contribute, or if necessary, set a new course.

Another way to understand this is through dance. Dancing requires a level of synchronization and rhythm to suggest turns and choreography without accidentally stepping on your partner. For instance, in Salsa dancing, if your partner moves intensely, you can only suggest the next moves by tuning in. By the way, dancing is one of the most demanding and useful exercises for training non-verbal communication.

The key to interrupting anyone lies in listening, truly listening, to know when to 'jump' in.

It's crucial to remember that once inside the train or at the climax of a triple turn during the salsa-trumpet solo, maintaining this active and conscious listening is what allows us to say what needs to be said, when it needs to be said, to whom it needs to be said, and in the manner it needs to be said, to achieve the conversation's objective.

Nothing is personal

I'm convinced, after facing similar challenges with hundreds of professionals over the years, that in the vast majority of cases, extroverted individuals harbor no ill intentions. They do not aim to be disrespectful or self-centered (although the latter is undoubtedly a common trait among them). Often, these behaviors stem from a highly noisy, emotional, and creative mental dialogue that presents challenges in attention and prioritization of stimuli that truly matter.

Our brains are 'wired' differently based on our personality tendencies and preferences for the biochemical cocktail generated by our emotional states. Ultimately, it's crucial to recognize these differences and manage them through empathy, communication, and strategy, tailored to the context and uniqueness of each stakeholder.

All professional (and personal) interactions should be framed in kindness, respect, and an awareness of diversity. Each personality tendency carries both shadow and light, and from each tendency, with its strengths, it is possible to engage in kinder, more respectful, empathetic, and efficient conversations.

The kinder, the better.