How to help so-called "difficult families"

Here’s the theory: support staff must work in partnership with families to create the best outcomes for people who have intellectual disabilities. And the reality? A positive relationship is hard to build when you feel under pressure from parents who seem to constantly examine your work or mistrust you. 

Yet parents and families are effectively an invaluable resource, given how long they have known the person you support.

Family members are among the contributors at Open Future Learning. Here are a few of their suggestions to help encourage a successful, collaborative relationship.

Trust comes slowly

For example, Open Future Learning parent contributor Evelyn Perez adds that understanding why families may have difficulties trusting staff is vital. She says she needs to have known someone for at least six months before she can completely trust them. “I pick up if you’re doing this job because you feel it in your heart - because you are sympathetic towards this population - or you’re only doing it for a paycheck.”

Here, Evelyn tells a powerful story that illustrates why it is so difficult for many families to trust professionals.

Build the relationship

Support staff can also help maintain and develop the relationship between the person being supported and their relative. This could be as simple as arranging a regular, scheduled time for someone to call their relative, and ensuring all members of the team are aware of this. Helping someone remember their parent or sibling’s birthdays and holidays are almost always forgotten in our service systems, but they are critical to any relationship. 

Share your concerns

Alongside this, if you have a concern to do with someone’s care, it is always better to share that with the family. Being open and honest about the fact that you might not always know how to solve a situation helps create dialogue, build respect and enables family members to feel like partners - not adversaries.

Have a communication strategy

Another useful tool is a communication strategy with the family, created with the approval of your supervisor. How will you contact them (email? Text? Phone?)? Before you agree on this, find out which method of communication works best for them. It is worth bearing in mind that some people might not check their emails regularly and email or text can sometimes be misread, or the tone misunderstood.   

Whatever communication strategy you use, it must be unique to that family and to you. While every family is different, what staff and families have in common is the best interests of the person you support.

Learn more about the module ‘Difficult Families?’ and all of the Open Future Learning modules here.

Please email [email protected] to schedule a free demo and trial of the Open Future site.

Thank you

Ben Drew