How heavy is the weight of others’ expectations?

As a self-employed coach since last century, I’ve had many interesting conversations with leaders and managers. And over the years, I’ve recognised some patterns as people shift from management to leadership roles. But before I go on, and as a lesson in the perils of AI, I just had an AI recommend that the first sentence be changed to “As a self-employed coach for the last century...” It almost had me shift the topic of this newsletter.

At the risk of being reductive, for many managers to be successful, they must focus on doing things right—meeting expectations, following the rules, and seeking approval from those above. And then, as they move into a leadership role, this focus works against them because, in ways more than they realise during the transition, managing and leading aren’t the same. Having been rewarded for generally focusing on tasks, processes, and compliance, leaders need to:

• Cultivate Curiosity
• Navigate Complexity and
• Lead with Contextual Wisdom.

This shift from manager to leader isn’t just about adding new skills or techniques. It’s about transforming how you show up—for yourself and others. But there’s magic: when you find your leadership voice and develop the insight and wisdom to empower others to find theirs, the people you lead become more engaged, innovative, and confident.

Why Coaching?

People often seek coaching to find their voice because they’ve grown tired of the voices of others and their efforts to seek approval. It can feel like leaping off a cliff without knowing if there’s anything there to catch you. It isn’t easy, and people question themselves as they experience the discomfort of stepping outside their comfort zone.

Giving up on being liked

One way to become an effective leader is to give up on being liked and instead focus on being respected. And that isn’t something that you can learn from a book. It’s about connection—creating an environment where people feel valued and can do their best work.

Navigating the fine line between external approval and personal authenticity can be challenging. It’s easy to mistake conformity for connection, compliance for belonging, and approval for self-worth. Wise leaders understand that authentic leadership that creates meaningful impact requires a shift in how we see ourselves. The journey begins when we stop confusing the voices of others with our own.

Conformity vs. Connection

Conformity often feels like the path of least resistance. By blending in, we avoid conflict and gain short-term acceptance. But genuine, authentic connection requires courage. It involves showing up as your entire self, even when uncomfortable.

Compliance vs. Belonging

Similarly, compliance can feel like belonging. We follow the rules, nod in agreement, and gain approval. But belonging is more profound—being seen and valued for who you are. Wise leaders foster this in themselves and their teams by creating spaces where difference and authenticity are embraced.

Approval vs. Self-Worth

Finally, approval can seem synonymous with self-worth. But wise leaders know the difference. Approval is fleeting, tied to the ever-changing expectations of others. Self-worth is anchored in knowing who you are and leading from that place of clarity and confidence.

As you reflect on your leadership journey, consider this:

What would change—for you and those you lead—if you started listening more to your inner voice?

The path to wise leadership isn’t easy. It involves letting go of deeply ingrained habits of seeking approval or conforming to expectations.

Here’s to leading with courage, clarity, and authenticity.

Harness curiosity, embrace complexity, and lead with contextual wisdom.

Schedule a 30-minute conversation call with Desley HERE

SPEAKER PROFILE

For many years, I’ve been speaking at summits, industry conferences, and smaller bespoke events such as workshops and retreats across Australia and internationally. I’m known for masterfully connecting research and ideas to ease work challenges. Here are a couple of minutes from some recent speaking engagements.

Dr Desley Lodwick Speaker