How Healthy Are Your Relationships?

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My good friend (and professional mentor) has over 20 years of leadership consulting and executive coaching experience — with Fortune 500 companies. One night over dinner, I asked her, “When you coach CEOs, what’s their biggest challenge?” I expected her to rattle off a few business buzzwords like “long-term strategy,” “how to build better teams,” “scaling my company for more growth,” or “how to expand to international markets.” To my surprise, she answered, “Helping them develop positive personal and professional relationships.” It was clear that while these CEOs are savvy in business matters, their personal and professional relationships needed work.

I believe our personal and professional relationships feed off each other. For the most part, if our personal relationships are unhappy, toxic, or unhealthy, so are our professional relationships, which affects our work performance. I recall an interview I saw where Tony Dungy, the former head coach of the Indianapolis Colts, mentioned that he always wanted to know about the quality of his players’ relationships (outside of football). He knew their relationships with their spouses, significant others, kids, parents, and friends influenced the way they interacted with their teammates and performed on the field — because he understood that they’re profoundly interconnected.

Why Your Relationships Matter More Than You Think

If you want to excel at work and in life, it all starts with taking inventory of your current relationships. My favorite relationship expert, Esther Perel, states: “The quality of your relationships determines the quality of your life.” At our core, we know our relationships are what matter most. They affect the entire direction of our lives. Take the Grant Study, which followed a group of Harvard-educated men who were well-accomplished, financially independent, and socially connected throughout their lifespan. At the end of their life, researchers asked the men: “What makes for a good life?” Their answer? A resounding “RELATIONSHIPS!” Whether you’re a CEO, HR professional, employee, executive or front-line worker, your relationships really do determine the quality of your life.

Why You Should Make Friends at Work

This applies to work relationships as well. Gallup research indicates that having a best friend at work increases employee productivity, engagement, and retention. Considering the fact that we spend around one-third of our lives at work, it makes sense! When you foster meaningful connections at work, it improves your experience and creates positive emotions — which boost creativity and work performance. If you’re a manager wanting better engagement from employees, it’s in your best interest to create a culture where they can easily develop close friendships.

Secondly, having a friend at work leads to what positive organizational behavior researchers call “high-quality connections,” which are defined by three traits:

1. The ability to express and manage our emotions

Employees feel comfortable exposing their true emotions and being vulnerable.

2. The ability to bounce back from setbacks

Misunderstandings and hurt feelings are inevitable in relationships — but cultivating resilience can lead to greater connections.

3. The ability to share information back and forth.

When employees have connections with their colleagues, they feel safe to take creative risks, present new ideas, and go with the flow.

It’s clear: High-quality connections create better organizational outcomes.

Let’s End Mental Health Awareness Month on a High Note

On the flip side, many experts have begun calling loneliness the “Silent Epidemic.” For a little perspective, check out these statistics:

• 3 in 5 Americans (61%) report feeling lonely.
• 8 in 10 Gen Z-ers (79%) and 7 in 10 Millennials (71%) say they experience loneliness.
• Men (46%) report feeling slightly lonelier than women (45%).
• Lonely workers are twice as likely to miss work due to illness and five times as likely to miss work due to stress.
• People who lack quality relationships with their coworkers report feeling lonelier than those who do.

Fun Fact About Me

Every week, I get a chance to teach young dads about parenting and forming healthy relationships at Family Expectations. I love this work because I’m a huge advocate for young men’s mental health. There are not enough services to support them on their journey as fathers, so I’m happy to be part of the solution!