How Healthy is Bypassing the Heart?

In the middle of a negotiation a few months back, involving multiple parties who were all located remotely, it was a shock to suddenly receive a message from one of the negotiators:

‘I’m in the ICU. I’ve had a stroke.’

This caused me to wonder about the role of emotions in our overall wellbeing. And whether bypassing the heart – overlooking emotions and what they are trying to tell us - creates conditions where at best, we are ineffective, and at worst, we suffer a severe drop in wellbeing.

Let’s consider three major contributors to health and wellbeing that are largely in our control: Stress, Diet and Fitness.

Stress

How often do you say to yourself, or hear the words, 'I feel stressed'. How often do you unpack the signals that indicate you're stress levels are increasing - the anxiety, the irritation, the disappointment?

It's in our control to register the signals that stress is increasing - and to take preventive or corrective action. But how often do we limit our awareness and zoom in on the imminent major deliverable?

On a physical level, stress can cause temporary spikes in blood pressure, placing more stress on the heart.

Stress also triggers the release of adrenaline and cortisol, which can increase our heart rate and blood pressure – and can cause arteries to narrow.

Long-term stress can cause inflammation, leading to build up of plaque in arteries.

And stress can even impact our blood’s ability to clot, increasing the risk of a clot forming in an already hardened artery.

It's not just the physical effects of stress that lead to health issues and heart problems, it’s the choices we make when dealing with stress.

The ‘too much’ syndrome: eating too much, drinking too much, smoking too much.

And the ‘too little’ syndrome: exercising too little, not following medical guidance, or failing to take medication regularly, or at all.

Diet

Many of us know what healthy eating looks like, but we don’t act like we do!

How often do we eat ?when we aren’t hungry?

Think of the last time you walked to the fridge to see what was in there. What was driving that behaviour? Were you bored? Were you relieved a painful meeting was over? Were you confused about a decision you needed to make, but didn’t feel certain about?

When you looked in the fridge – or the snack cupboard – did you check in with yourself as to whether you were really hungry - or you were rummaging around in pursuit of a different kind of satiation?

I know in my case, I’m very often reaching for a snack for emotional reasons, rather than out of hunger.

If you work in hybrid mode, have you ever tracked the difference in your eating habits? In which environment do you adopt healthier choices – and why?

Inaction

We probably all know that a sedentary lifestyle isn’t healthy. Indeed, the Mayo Clinic analyzed 13 studies and found that people who sat for more than 8 hours a day, and engaged in no physical exercise, had a risk of dying similar to that posed by smoking – and obesity.

How often have you got up from your desk, only to realize that it’s been 4 hours since you last took a break?

What’s at the Heart of our Behaviour?

When we engage in ineffective, possibly harmful behaviour, I wonder if we are bypassing emotions, or ignoring the feeling signals we’re receiving – and instead, simply reacting.

We feel a flicker of something, but then head straight for the fridge, or the next meeting. We bypass the feeling and get straight to reaction, or rational thinking – or the rationalized thinking:

• I can’t be late for this meeting. The boss will be there.
• I deserve this piece of chocolate/paratha/cake after the meeting I just had.
• I don’t have time for lunch. I’ve got this project plan to update.

What To Do?

There are ways to better control what is in your control. And it starts with the words: I can.

Too often we say: I can’t. We convince ourselves we are powerless to create an environment that better supports us.

• Can’t you schedule a 5 minute break between meetings and use that to stand up and move around?
• Can’t you take a lunch break and eat with your colleagues and away from your desk, walk some laps of the office, or run up and down a few flights of stairs?
• Can’t you block ‘you time’ for your morning workout or your evening walk?

Maybe there are times when you can’t, but I’d challenge you to find the times when you can.

We all are faced with the finite resource of time. How can you best use it?

Practice the 3 Rs

Rather than bypass feelings, can you:

1. Register the Emotions

When you read these words, 'Register the Emotions', I wonder if you make an automatic judgment that ‘feelings aren’t important’. Even though you know they are.

We spend a lot of time in our rational brains, even though as humans, our emotions are much more hard-wired and far more likely to impact our decisions.

When you next feel that flicker of frustration, can you get curious about it?

• Can you say, ‘Hello frustration – what are you showing up for?’ Or would you judge yourself for being 'touchy feely'?
• Can you really try to feel everything you can about that emotion, so you recognize its origins even more swiftly in future?
• Can you ask yourself 'what else'? What else is going on? What else are you feeling?
• Can you be thankful that your emotions are trying to help you?
• Can you give them the time of day, be curious about the why of your emotions, rather than jumping ahead to judgment or reaction?

2. Return to Base

Once you’ve registered what you’re feeling, can you manage your emotions so that you return to a steady, stable state?

I frequently write about the importance of emotional stability – and understanding how best to use the energy in your emotions.

For most professionals at work, frustration is the emotion that arises most frequently . Rather than fuel that fiery feeling, what can you do to bring that emotional energy down, or channel it more productively?

It’s your energy, so can you allow yourself to choose how to use it?

Returning to base is about regaining your emotional stability by redirecting your mind with state-altering practices. Perhaps try:

Breathing.

Every breath is new energy and an opportunity to change.

Micro-meditation.

This is a way to relax and refocus your mind. It could be a visualization. Or staring into the sky. Or walking very mindfully in silence. Or it could be doodling.

Mental Activities.

These involve distracting your mind.

A simple technique is counting back from 100, seven digits at a time. Naming all the teams that won the FA Cup, or the IPL, or the World Series – since their inception. Listing all the movies Shah Rukh Khan has ever made. You get the idea.

3. Reroute the Energy

Emotions are chemicals that influence and create energy. It's your choice how you use that energy.

Choose How to Channel the Chemical Rush.

If you’re feeling frustrated, where can you redirect your focus and take that energy?

Rather than ruminate on the annoyance you’re feeling, could you possibly transform that energy into engaging in an upbeat conversation with a co-worker?

Let Go of the Intensity.

Some emotions, and combinations of emotions, can be overwhelming.

If you slipped up with a key negotiating point in a proposal, with dire consequences, the embarrassment, regret, guilt, anger you feel may be crippling.

Can you resist refueling the feelings and focus on reducing them?

Perhaps distract yourself with a walk, or visualize yourself turning down the intensity of the emotion as you would turn down an oven that was too hot, or a radio that was too loud.

Self-Awareness and Self-Management Support Self-Leadership

I was speaking to a tech leader recently and he explained how he had been keeping a journal for many years, so that he could understand himself better and learn from his own feelings, thoughts and actions.

He was clearly a very evolved leader, who understood the importance of balance – valuing emotional data just as much as rational data. Just as he balanced the importance of understanding people as much as he valued the importance of understanding technology.

He wasn’t bypassing his heart. He was practicing emotional intelligence.

Can you?

Andrea Stone is a former global marketing leader in tech organizations, turned Executive Coach and Leadership Development Professional, working with leaders and their teams to improve all-round performance and create greater success.

She is a Preferred Partner of Six Seconds, global leaders in emotional intelligence, and a Belbin practitioner, global leaders in team assessments and team performance. She is an ICF and EMCC credentialed coach.

? Andrea Stone, Stone Leadership

Note: The initial example of the negotiator being in the ICU was not a comment on that person's ability to understand emotions, rather it was a situation that caused me to think about how multiple factors impact our wellbeing, and dealing with emotions in an emotionally intelligent manner, is one of the factors in our control that research shows creates greater wellbeing.