How to Heal a Broken Heart

My day kicked off much differently than a typical day. My daughter sent me a text to say her long term relationship with her boyfriend had come to an abrupt end. I was in unchartered territory as a dad. It seemed a month or so ago, we were all celebrating her graduation from college, her move to another state and the start of her adult life with the partner of her dreams. Suddenly those dreams were shattered. She sought help in understanding the why. I could not help her. I was at a total loss for words or how to comfort her. I felt so inadequate.

Moments later, I received news from someone in my network that he and his family were impacted by the recent shooting in Highland Park, IL. He shared a photo of his wife and kids grinning from ear to ear as they tossed candy from a parade float. That moment was quickly shattered by gunfire. Fortunately for him and his family they were physically okay, however it remains to be seen what the long term impacts are associated with the mental anguish they are likely to endure. Once again in the period of like 30 minutes, I was without words with no way to comfort him. The feeling of being inadequate fell upon me for a second time.

So here it is, not even 8AM, not even through my first cup of coffee and I am pondering the reality of life, the things we endure as humans. How it can often times be harsh and unforgiving. I sat there stunned, staring at my computer screen. I had this numb feeling with nothing other than my thoughts.

What do I do? What do I say? How can I help? How many times I felt this way lately with some very challenging topics. I was thinking the older I get, the wiser I should be yet if feels like I am at a loss for words more and more lately.

After several minutes of processing what just transpired, I reached back to both to acknowledge my deficit for the right thing to say. All I could do is say I care and want to help but don't know how to do so. It felt a little hallow, but doing or saying nothing was not right either. I always want to be authentic and therefore while I wanted to assure them it will be okay, I don't have a sense for all they are managing through. It is often said time heals all wounds, I hope that is the case here.

All of this prompted me to reflect on a few things I've learned in my life:

1) Continue to invest in people. Sure there are times where you'll be let down and disappointed, but more often than not, it's these investments that will pay off in time.

2) You really find out how strong your investments in people are during challenging times, and specifically during the truly awful times. Be there for the people you care about and let them know how much you value them.

3) Don't pretend to understand what other people are dealing with. Everyone is different. People manage through challenging times in various ways. Support them as best you can and don't be judgmental.

4) Don't be afraid to be vulnerable. That might mean you say, I don't know what to do, or what to say but acknowledge a desire to be there and help.

5) In the immortal words of Ferris Bueller, "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and take a look around, you might miss something". For me, that loosely translates to slowing down, and in some cases outright coming to a screeching halt just to stop and tell the people I love how much they mean to me.

6) Maintain perspective. I've said it before, but is worth repeating. As awful as my daughter feels right now about her relationship with her boyfriend ending and her dreams being extinguished quickly, She is in a better place than this family who was at the parade in Highland Park. Sometimes you have to be reminded about perspective. I have come to understand, it's not always easy.

7) Be authentic. It's okay not to know what to say, or what to do. Don't pretend to be someone you are not but rather embrace who you are. The people you care about love you for that quality.

@becky, I am so sorry for what you're managing through. I know you are hurting. Just know I love you and know you're not alone here. You're always going to be my princess, and I know you will bounce back and be stronger than ever. I know this because I have seen this time after time over the years. You've got this, you always stick your landings!