How to Have "The Talk" with Your Family this Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is a season for family, warmth, and reconnecting with those you may not see every day. It’s a time to gather around the table, laugh, share stories, and make new memories. But for many adult children, it’s also one of the few times each year that they see their aging parents in person. This visit can bring a bittersweet realization: noticing changes in your parents’ health or demeanor that may suggest they could benefit from some extra support.

At Northbridge Companies, our VP of Sales, Mel Horan , has been helping families navigate this journey with her presentation, How to Have the Senior Living Talk with Your Parents, for years. Inspired by the season and the many upcoming family gatherings, we're sharing a special holiday edition of this presentation, designed to help you and your family start “The Talk” with compassion, understanding, and respect.

Recognizing the Right Time to Have "The Talk"

It can be tough to know when it’s time to discuss senior living options with your parents. Here are a few indicators that a conversation might be beneficial:

• Hints from those who see them more frequently: If your sibling, who lives nearby, has mentioned that Mom or Dad seems to be struggling, take note. There’s often truth in what family members close by are sensing, even if it’s hard to hear.
• Changes in daily functioning: When you visit, try to observe your parents during the day, before holiday festivities kick off. Pay attention to their energy, alertness, mobility, and memory compared to when you last saw them.
• Signs of changing habits: During the holiday meal, keep an eye out for subtle changes, like diminished appetite, challenges with hearing or following conversations, or signs that they’re feeling overwhelmed.

Tips for Starting “The Talk”

Approaching this conversation takes care, and timing is everything. Here are some strategies to make it as smooth as possible:

1. Choose the right moment: Avoid bringing up sensitive topics during a busy family gathering or over the holiday meal. Instead, find a private, quiet moment to start the conversation. Gentle questions like “How have things been going for you lately, Mom?” or “Is there anything that’s become more difficult?” are non-confrontational ways to open the door.
2. Consider everyone’s input: Think about including family members who are close to your parents and see them regularly. Their perspective can add invaluable insights and help guide the discussion.
3. Balance responsibilities: If one family member is taking on more caregiving duties, make sure to discuss ways to support them. Caregiver burnout is real, and planning ahead can make a difference for everyone involved.
4. Discuss finances and responsibilities: As difficult as it might feel, conversations about finances, healthcare proxies, and long-term planning are essential. Knowing who will manage finances, who has healthcare proxy responsibilities, and what resources are available can ease the path forward.
5. Address differing opinions with care: It’s natural for family members to have different views on what’s best. Start these discussions early, away from your parents, to avoid unnecessary tension when they’re present. Agreeing on a unified approach is vital to ensuring their comfort and well-being are prioritized.
6. Seek outside help if needed: If discussions become tense or decisions feel overwhelming, a Geriatric Care Manager can provide neutral, expert guidance and help find the best path forward.

Making the Most of This Holiday Season

The holidays should be a time to reconnect, not a time to argue over who handles the dishes or who didn’t help with dinner prep. If you sense that "The Talk" might be needed, use this gathering as a chance to connect, observe, and quietly assess the best approach. Take these moments to enjoy being together, while also watching for signs that it may be time to start planning for the future.