How to Have “The Talk” With Your Aging Parents

Whether it builds gradually or something happens to spark it – there's a moment in adulthood when you realize that you need to care for the people that cared for you.

Getting a plan in place to care for your parents means balancing your respect and love for them with their autonomy and independence.

There are more resources now than ever to help keep the aging process secure, graceful, and independent. At the same time, there are resources to help adult children address problems, keep their own lives on track, and get the support they need.

But it can be complicated to get started. The parent-child dynamic resists change from both sides, money will be involved, and every party to the conversation will be uncertain about how to approach it and what will come next.

All that can mean stressful, tearful, difficult conversations. Or avoiding the topic altogether.

But it doesn't have to be that way.

We’ve created a short primer to help you get started and think through the issues.

Don’t Put It Off, But Also – Don’t Rush It

The ideal time to begin planning is before anything has happened. You'll have the most options and choices if the events you plan for are still out on the horizon. There's a lot to do, and some things have longer lead times.

Approaching the conversation from the lens of “We know you don’t need this now, but we want to get started on it so we can help you do whatever you want to do” can set the stage that you intend to respect their independence.

In the first conversation, don't immediately go to big issues or things that limit their autonomy or require lifestyle changes, like giving up driving or having part-time carers or aids.

Start by establishing that you want to help and that your role is to implement what they decide. Ask open-ended questions and provide reassurance that there are solutions.

Keep in mind: For many parents, the number one fear is that they will burden their children. This is so well-known that it's a high-pressure sales tactic for scammers – they know that otherwise savvy people are vulnerable in this area.

Emphasize that effective planning can create a situation that reduces and eliminates burdens.

Tactics:

• Set up a time that you won't be interrupted and you're together in person if possible. Put limits on the time – an hour is excellent. Even if it's going well, limit the time and set up another meeting to continue
• Take notes or write down your thoughts immediately after, including the next steps and timelines. Circulate the notes. It sounds like overkill, but it can be very helpful in keeping things clear and moving the plan forward

The Biggest Question: Where Will They Live?

Once the lines of communication are open, you can start to get specific about options and begin to create comprehensive plans.

Many seniors initially desire to "age in place" and remain in their homes as long as possible. They may ultimately decide that a different living arrangement is preferable, so it's a good idea to discuss at least staying at home, an assisted living facility, and nursing home care. Depending on their health, it can be a progressive timeline.

Staying in their home is the most common option and can work very well. The key is to identify resources and use them to ensure their home is safe and all aspects of their living situation are covered.

Aging in Place

Address Changes to Their Home: Does it need renovations? The goal is safety and accessibility. A Home Safety Evaluation can be performed by a licensed healthcare professional to identify areas that need upgrading. The professional will observe the home and their daily routine and make recommendations.

Do They Need Help? It can be difficult to accept having someone take over the tasks of daily living. Shopping, cleaning, laundry, and personal care are such a part of who we are that it amounts to a loss of identity. However, it can also help preserve a way of life and provide independence. Investing in an electronic monitoring system can provide peace of mind for you and them.

Can They Handle Their Finances? Setting up electronic accounts and autopay is a great way to simplify finances and get a comprehensive handle on their financial picture. Even if they are still the primary person, adding someone else to a bank account can help safeguard their assets.

How to Pay For It? Long-term care insurance is a type of insurance that helps cover the cost of care for people who need help with daily activities. This can include nursing care, home health aides, and various forms of support for senior citizens. Long-term care may also help your parents recoup some of the costs associated with long-term illnesses.

To get started helping your parents obtain long-term care insurance, discuss the options with them so that you both understand the process well. Research different plans in your area and contact providers to go over all aspects to ensure that it's the right plan for them; this includes services offered, price points, coverage levels, and any potential discounts. Once you've identified a suitable plan, review all documentation carefully before signing any contracts or agreements.

Finally, make sure they understand how their policies work and keep records of payments so that everything is in order when needed in the future.

Tactics: The Checklist

• Money: It is critical to know the monthly bills, all income sources, and where banking, savings, and investment accounts are
• Long-term care insurance: What does it cover?
• Get the documentation in place: Powers of attorney for healthcare and finances are critical
• Know the passwords: Bank accounts, social media, wifi, cable, thermostat, etc.
• Create a medical file: All doctors, list of prescriptions, pharmacies, wellness resources
• Create a home file: Insurance, handyman, landscaper, etc.
• Know the local resources: Council on Aging, community groups, neighbors
• Who would you call for a wellness check? Know your emergency numbers

Don’t Get Overwhelmed

It seems like a lot to tackle, and it is. But it is also manageable. The most important thing to remember is that situations and circumstances are changeable and solutions can be identified and implemented.

Take time for yourself to enjoy these years with them to their fullest. You'll have amazing conversations and find they still have so much to teach you. The aging process can be a time to heal, discover, and, most of all, share joy and love.

The Bottom Line

Caring for aging parents can be both challenging and rewarding. Addressing it in stages, getting help where possible, and ensuring that you keep yourself mentally and physically balanced are critical to a successful approach.?

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Author: Cecil Staton, CFP? CSLP?

I'm a fee-only financial planner dentists & physicians with student loans give a purpose to their paycheck.

I left the large financial institutions to start my own RIA. I did it so people could pay for real planning and not just an agenda to sell a hidden product. As a fiduciary, Arch Financial Planning, LLC was built on that promise by delivering non-cookie-cutter plans that provide solutions to achieve their goals.

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Age:?Dentists & Physicians between 28-45 years old

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The information contained herein is intended to be used for educational purposes only and is not exhaustive. Diversification and/or any strategy that may be discussed does not guarantee against investment losses but are intended to help manage risk and return. If applicable, historical discussions and/or opinions are not predictive of future events. The content is presented in good faith and has been drawn from sources believed to be reliable. The content is not intended to be legal, tax or financial advice. Please consult a legal, tax or financial professional for information specific to your individual situation.

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This website (the “Blog”) is published and provided for informational and entertainment purposes only. The information in the Blog constitutes the Content Creator’s own opinions and it should not be regarded as a description of services provided by Arch Financial Planning, LLC or Cecil Staton, CFP? CSLP?.?The opinions expressed in the Blog are for general informational purposes only and are not intended to provide specific advice or recommendations for any individual or on any specific security or investment product. It is only intended to provide education about personal financial planning. The views reflected in the commentary are subject to change at any time without notice.?Nothing on this Blog constitutes investment advice, performance data, or any recommendation that any security, portfolio of securities, investment product, transaction, or investment strategy is suitable for any specific person. From reading this Blog we cannot assess anything about your personal circumstances, your finances, or your goals and objectives, all of which are unique to you, so any opinions or information contained on this Blog are just that – an opinion or information. You should not use this Blog to make financial decisions and we highly recommended you seek professional advice from someone who is authorized to provide investment advice.