How to have a network. Without networking!

I was recently asked to present to the Mars Women in Leadership '23 cohort. The topic was “Networking”.

Uh-oh.

I thought they had made a mistake.? I can’t stand networking. I am rubbish at it.

I was never able to carry off loitering near the coffee machine with more senior people or able to find the joy in those bustling “networking” events. I have avoided both for as long as I can remember.

However, recently, nearly three decades into my career, I have chosen to look for a non-Executive role to compliment my wonderful role at Mars. And, guess what the first piece of advice was from everyone? “Reach out to your network!”.

Uh-oh (again).

To my delight it turns out that I do indeed have a network to turn to for advice, support and connections. Not just a network – an AWESOME network. A group of amazing, supportive, and incredibly generous people who have given me their time, advice and contacts.

What have I learnt from them about networking? It doesn’t have to be dull dinners at industry events or sycophantic chats over a cappuccino. It can grow authentically and organically. So if you lose the net and add the word friends network changes into work friends.

The people who I now value deeply are those where one of us has been brave enough to share a vulnerability such as at a critical stage of career (like return from maternity leave) or asking advice on how to deal with a difficult person. They are people who have shown an interest in me as a whole person and vice versa. And, above all, they are people with an enormous generosity of spirit – always making time, sharing advice, connecting me with others, which I hope I have reciprocated when I could.

My learning is the best networks come from being vulnerable, being interested and being generous.

I can never repay those people who always make time for me. My commitment is that I will continue to pay it forward.

So when it comes to building a network my top three tips:

These are your work friends. ?Networking is often superficial and can hinder the genuine connection and magic that can be established between work friends. Authenticity and vulnerability mean you build connections based on mutual respect. It is friendship, in a professional context. There may be fewer people in your network with this approach, but they will really lean in when asked. And it will feel so much more authentic and real!

Always start with what you can give. Networking has come to suggest a one-sided pursuit, where the main goal is to gain something from others. Turn that on its head. Your sustained connections will come when you look at how you can help someone, with your time, with a contact or a reference or just with an ear to listen. Be unreservedly generous.??Always, always reply to someone who asks for support, even if it is to say, “I can’t help right now but maybe this person can.”

Think of the long term: When you are vulnerable, generous and genuinely interested in another person you forge bonds that lay the foundation for a network that can provide support, guidance, and opportunities throughout our careers. In ways that may not be immediately obvious.?These connections can become a source of inspiration and professional growth at key moments – as I have been lucky enough to discover.

This is what we ended up talking about at the Women in Leadership training at Mars. As a group we were really energized about the potential to shift the paradigm of expectation placed on our future leaders to “be networking”. Instead, we reframed it as how they might build meaningful connections at work, find work friends through vulnerability, genuine interest, and generosity. Now that sounds better to me than an awkward chat you feel you “should have” by the vending machines!

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A huge thank you to the people who have supported me (my “network friends”) recently – you don’t know how much I appreciate you. Many of you have been friends for decades , others I have met more recently. Thank you for your generosity, interest and vulnerability in advising and supporting me Fiona Dawson David Haines Cilla Snowball Margaret Mitchell Rebecca Snow Helen Stevenson Gemma Greaves Amanda Mackenzie LVO OBE Jan Gooding Jane Wakely Malte Dammann Benjamin Chilcott Andy Pharoah Annabel Weeden Katherine Moos Sam Phillips Nici Bush Andy Young Jonathan Harper amongst so many others