How to Have a Healthy and Strong Romantic Relationship

Hello, everyone!

Today, I will be talking about how to build strong and healthy romantic relationships. 

What do relationships that last and thrive have in common? Emotional responsiveness. Now this may sound simple and obvious, but it’s not. I believe that if everyone knew the importance of emotional responsiveness there would not be so many divorces or single individuals not being able to find a partner.

Here's what lack of emotional responsiveness looks like. Your partner comes home from work, says hello to you and the kids, and asks you about your day, and then looks away when you start to speak. They are not present, probably still thinking about work, and you feel like what you had to say doesn't matter. Sound familiar?

Now, here's another picture of what emotional responsiveness looks like. Your partner comes home from a long day at work, and you ask them how their day went. They say fine. When it’s your turn, you say, “I had a really tough day, did not get any work done. Had to pick up Max from school, and he threw up all over the house.” Your partner responds, “Oh, I am so sorry to hear that. Let me cook dinner for us. Is there anything else I can do for you?” Exhausted but happy to be seen and heard, you respond, “Thanks hun” and melt into the warm embrace of your partner's arms. In this second example, your partner is happy to come home and tune in where you're at. When you express vulnerability about the challenges of your day, your partner will offer support and treat you like you are a priority. When you're really connected, your relationship improves. 

Emotional responsiveness contains three crucial elements:

1. Accessibility, which means are you there when I need you.
2. Responsiveness, which means you can celebrate the good times with me, and when I am having a hard time, can you soothe me?
3. Engagement, which means, “Am I your priority, do you value me and do I feel that in our interactions?”

Your level of emotional responsiveness can truly make or break your relationship. What I know is that most people did not receive a high level of emotional responsiveness in childhood and when they're looking for a partner, they have a hard time finding it. We have also learned from culture that emotional independence is the goal, and even though it is important in relationships, we need each other to strive. We are wired for companionship and connection. 

As a couple, you have to be responsive to each other’s needs. Emotions are fundamental in creating a healthy thriving relationship. So, if the key to a healthy thriving relationship is emotional responsiveness, then what is blocking so many of us from being emotionally responsive partners?

• Block #1 is believing that your partner is an adult and shouldn't require emotional responsiveness. 
• Block # 2 is feeling so overwhelmed by work or stress that you're not available or present for your partner. Instead, you feel shut down or disconnected.
• Block # 3 is feeling overwhelmed or invaded by one of your parents growing up so being there for someone else makes you want to run away or avoid that connection. 
• Block # 4 is being disconnected from your own needs and feelings. So when your partner has needs or feelings, you disregard them just how you have been conditioned to do for yourself.

How do you remove these blocks? 

1. Commit to and prioritize being an emotionally responsive partner. 
2. Find ways to destress and come back to your heart in being more present for your partner. 
3. Get help from a therapist or a coach to help you heal past parenting trauma so you can be more responsive to your partner. 
4. Be aware of what you need and feel so that you can communicate more clearly to your partner.

Stay tuned for more great topics and tips that you can use in your life and business right away. If you found this post helpful today, be sure to subscribe because it will only get better from here. I cannot wait to connect with you here again next week!

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