How to have difficult conversations

Difficult conversations with employees are inevitable in any workplace, but they can also be opportunities for learning, growth, and improvement. However, if not handled well, they can lead to resentment, conflict, and disengagement.

How can you manage these conversations using conflict resolution techniques?

Here are some tips to help you prepare, communicate, and follow up effectively.

Identify the issue

Before you approach an employee for a difficult conversation, you need to identify the issue clearly and objectively.

What is the problem, why does it matter, and what are the consequences if it is not resolved?

Avoid making assumptions, judgments, or personal attacks. Focus on the facts and the impact of the behavior or performance on the team, the project, or the organization.

Choose the right time and place

Timing and location are important factors for a successful difficult conversation. You want to avoid interrupting, surprising, or embarrassing the employee.

Choose a time when you are both calm, focused, and available. Avoid busy or stressful periods, such as deadlines, meetings, or holidays.

Choose a private and neutral place, such as a meeting room or a quiet corner. Make sure you have enough time and space to talk without distractions or interruptions.

Use active listening and empathy

One of the most important skills for conflict resolution is active listening. This means paying attention to what the employee is saying, how they are saying it, and what they are feeling.

You can show active listening by using eye contact, nodding, paraphrasing, and asking open-ended questions.

You can also show empathy by acknowledging their emotions, perspectives, and concerns.

Empathy does not mean agreeing or approving, but rather understanding and respecting.

Share your feedback and expectations

After you have listened and empathized, you need to share your feedback and expectations. You need to be clear, specific, and constructive.

You need to explain what the employee did well, what they need to improve, and why. You also need to state what you expect from them moving forward, and how you will support them. Use positive and supportive language, such as "I appreciate", "I value", "I trust", and "I believe". Avoid negative and accusatory language, such as "You always", "You never", "You should", and "You must".

Collaborate on a solution

The next step is to collaborate on a solution with the employee. You want to involve them in the process of finding a way to resolve the issue and prevent it from happening again.

You want to ask for their input, ideas, and suggestions. You want to explore different options, pros and cons, and trade-offs. You want to agree on a realistic and measurable action plan, with deadlines, milestones, and indicators of progress.

You also want to agree on how you will monitor, evaluate, and follow up on the plan.

End on a positive note

The last step is to end the conversation on a positive note. You want to thank the employee for their time, honesty, and cooperation. You want to express your confidence, appreciation, and support.

You want to reinforce the benefits of resolving the issue, such as improved performance, relationships, or career development.

You also want to invite them to share any feedback, questions, or concerns with you. You want to leave the conversation with a sense of closure, clarity, and commitment.

Final Thoughts

Handling difficult conversations with employees can be awkward and difficult, but do not put them off or you risk it manifesting and the issue getting worse. Look for the positive and that it can be transformative for both you, the individual and the organisation.