How to Harness Justified Anger

How to Harness Justified Anger

Part 4

This is the fourth blog in my series about Harnessing Justified Anger.? (If you missed the first ones, check out my profile to catch up!)

In this blog series I’m sharing with you the steps that I have found helpful and liberating when dealing with justified anger, as a way to help you to navigate difficult emotions and to inspire courageous action when it comes to the injustices that are plaguing our planet.

In the first three steps we were cultivating awareness and learning to validate your experiences rather than ignoring or invalidating yourself.?

If you managed to master the first steps, you’re now aware of your strong feelings, and you’ve acknowledged that those feelings are valid.?

This next step contains a big trap!?

When your brain registers Justified Anger, the Ego-Mind loves to puff up and leap into the driving seat.? Your mind loves to say:

I’m right and they’re wrong!?

They shouldn’t do this!?

They’re doing it on purpose!?

They’re doing this to ME….!?

Your mind attributes meaning to actions, and creates assumptions and beliefs.?

The Ego mind takes you away from Awareness, and into a self-serving narrative.

? And the trouble with being Ego driven, is that when you try to communicate your anger, the person on the receiving end of your ire senses your Ego and fights back.?

“No I’m right, and YOU’RE wrong!...”? they say.

Discussions and negotiations will not be productive when you have two Ego-minds locked in battle!?

So, the focus of this next step is Presence.? The challenge is to notice the mind’s tendency to jump into an Ego-driven narrative, and bring yourself back to awareness.

?

Interestingly, if you start to notice your Ego narrative, one of two things can happen:?

  1. You run with it, and express yourself from your Ego.? If you’ve ever done this, you’ll notice that it’s unsatisfying and unsettling.? You feel a bit out of control.? You feel the weird sensation that you did something wrong.? And perhaps that everyone is looking at you as if you’re unhinged!
  2. Or, you feel so uncomfortable with your Ego narrative, that you retreat and you turn the judgement towards yourself.? The mind loves all-or-nothing, right-or-wrong narratives, so if you can’t blame the other person, you blame yourself.? You head down the rabbit-hole of self-judgment.? “I’m such a bad person.? If they’re not to blame, then it must be me that’s the problem…”

In some cases, both of these reactions happen at once.?

You lash out, AND you chastise yourself.?

This can lead to a confusing cycle of pain, which may be familiar to you.? You’ve tried to express your anger, resorted to blaming language and then felt bad about yourself.? As your inner critic kicks in, you backtrack and undermine your arguments, and end up apologising.


As I’m highlighting this problem with the Ego-mind, you might find yourself assuming you have to get rid of it, and that I’m suggesting you roll over and accept the situation!?

Coming out of Ego doesn’t mean you accept the situation.? You just deal with it without making it personal.?

The trick is to stick to the facts, and to avoid assumptions and “should”.? A person might be behaving very badly, and you don’t have to tolerate that, but it doesn’t mean that they’re behaving badly ON PURPOSE.? Perhaps they are scared, or unaware, or too selfish to recognise their behaviour.? It’s a fact that their behaviour is damaging.? That’s all you can say. ?

As I unpick this merry dance for you, you can see why many people feel anger, and then don’t know where to go with it!? Our minds are complex!? In my final blog in this series I will be sharing with you the final hurdle that will help you to deal with Justified anger.?

Follow me to read the final steps in this series, and for more inspirational resources on Courageous Compassion. Or message me to arrange a free consultation. (I'm also found at www.nicolaharkercoaching.com)

Chitra Sankaran

Empowering Disillusioned Healthcare Professionals to Thrive Again by Reviving their Passion and Energy |Transformational Coach and Mentor | General Practitioner | GP Educator |GP Appraiser |

1 年

We are all currently working in the current circumstances which causes to have justified anger. It is really important that we harness it earlier on , otherwise it tends to have a detrimental effect on the individuals and the organisation. Thanks for your work on this, Nicola Harker

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