How To Handle Those Unwanted Thoughts. (guest post from Psychotherapist, Paula Gardner)

Unwanted Thoughts Anyone?

For #mentalhealthawareness week, I asked my fabulous friend, and Psychotherapist Paula Gardner her thoughts on UNWANTED THOUGHTS.

Take it away, Paula!

How to handle those UNWANTED THOUGHTS

? “I should have got it sorted by now.”

? “I’m 35/40/50/60 and I still feel like I haven’t achieved anything.”

? “I look at my life and think what do I have to show for it?”

These and other unwanted thoughts often come out in my therapy room.

?Clients question their paths, wonder what held them back from reaching potential and express disappointment in not being sorted enough.

If this resonates with you then I’d like to reassure you that these thoughts are normal.

Most of us have thoughts that don’t serve us, and they can be a pain to deal with.

I wonder how it would feel if I told you that you may never feel as though you have things sorted?

That you will always feel that there is more you need to achieve.

• Would it feel like a relief?
• Would you be able to breathe and stop pushing so hard?
• Would you pause and realise that achievement might not be the goal, and that dealing with these thoughts may be more valuable?

If you’re bothered by thoughts like this, there are a number of ways you can take them in hand. ??

1. Mindfulness: The first is the path of mindfulness, of noticing that these are just thoughts and you can step back from them and let them pass.

I particularly like the analogy of watching a sushi conveyor belt and deciding to leave that particular dish on the belt. It may come around again (and it will), but you can just let it pass by.

Other lovely visual examples include thinking of the thought as a balloon, and you can imagine yourself just letting it go.

Or imagine it as a car coming towards you on a bridge. You can see the headlights, but you can let it pass, and watch it disappear into the distance.

Do this each and every time you notice yourself thinking like this.

2. A more left-brained approach: is to build evidence to the contrary, so creating a list of evidence as to why you are such a sorted person (if you are a parent with young children you automatically get double points here).

Or, gathering together a menu of your achievements in life, and everything you have to show for your efforts. Keep this handy to refer to when you need it.

Be kind to yourself. It's more likely that these thoughts will come faster and thicker when something is missing in your life.

As a Human Givens therapist, I work with what we call the Human Needs, and there are nine of them.

They include:

• a sense of achievement;
• meaning and purpose;
• status;
• privacy;
• connection;
• community;
• and a sense of control.

If one of these is missing, or out of balance, we are more likely to feel wobbly and prone to unwanted thoughts like these.

What if there is a grain of truth in these thoughts? What if you really do have goals you haven’t yet reached?

The simple answer is to make a plan to do just that, breaking it down, step by step.

Then take the next step. ??

? Book that plane ticket to New Zealand.

?Buy a new notebook and start the novel.

?Download the dating app and get comfortable with it.

Once you are taking action, those thoughts will start to dwindle.

#mentalhealthawareness #psychotherapy

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Paula Gardner is a therapist and counsellor

- helping clients feel better and get back to enjoying their lives.

Working both online and from Hythe in Kent, you can find her at https://www.thegoodtherapypractice.co.uk

Check her out on LinkedIn here Paula Gardner

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