How to Handle Passive-Aggressive Colleagues Like a Pro

"Everything's fine," he answers in a falsely relaxed, almost provocative tone.

I had noticed him over an hour ago. Him. The one plotting, smirking in the corner, saying little but criticizing everything. Arms crossed, smirk on his face—there he was, a passive-aggressive person in action. He rolls his eyes, crosses his arms, and when confronted about his behavior, puts on a falsely surprised face before dryly saying: "I don’t see the problem."?

You know the type. So, do I. I've encountered more than a few throughout my career, and even today, while working with my clients, I can spot them in minutes.

It’s always the same profile: seemingly agreeable but never in practice. He says, "Of course, I’ll take care of it," then mysteriously forgets… three times in a row. He walks into a meeting with a sweet smile and a calm tone but fuels the rumor mill the moment he steps out.?

Let’s be honest: this kind of person used to drive me crazy. My first instinct? To play their game and become aggressive myself. Until the day I realized—that’s exactly what they wanted.

Why are they like this?

Experts say passive-aggressive behavior is an indirect way of expressing discomfort with authority or a lack of self-confidence. Rather than openly saying, "I disagree," they create chaos discreetly while ensuring they have a solid alibi.

They are the masters of "Yes, but..." and "I would have, but..." And with remote work, it’s even more subtle—double-meaning emails, sarcasm in video calls, prolonged silences in meetings, all creating a lingering tension.

Everything is fair game. And it’s not just a feeling—the numbers back it up.

A study by the Association for Psychological Science reveals that 70% of employees report regularly facing passive-aggressive behavior at work—a number that has sharply increased since the pandemic.

Already challenging in normal circumstances, passive-aggressive behavior becomes even trickier in international teams. Different cultures have different communication norms: some value harmony and avoid open conflict, while others are more direct.

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How to keep your cool?

I remember a client meeting where a team member displayed classic passive-aggressive behavior. His attitude stalled the entire discussion, and his manager did nothing to address it.

My blood was boiling. My face turned as red as a chili pepper, and I had a strong urge to call him out. But instead of reacting impulsively, I took a deep breath, smiled, and in an icy tone, asked:

"What would you recommend we do?"

Silence.

All eyes turned to him. He was under the spotlight. "Uh… I don’t know…" he finally muttered. And at that moment, something shifted.?

He realized his behavior wasn’t just affecting me—it was frustrating everyone. From that point, the conversation could finally move forward.

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How to handle these people who poison the atmosphere without owning up to it?

Passive-aggressive individuals often use the same strategies: repeated delays, vague excuses, exasperated sighs in meetings, crossed arms, and evasive eye contact. These signals, sometimes subtle, reflect disengagement or passive resistance. To prevent them from derailing work dynamics, it’s essential to confront them directly, clarify expectations, and ensure they commit to concrete actions.

Address the issue head-on

The worst mistake is to ignore it, hoping it will go away. A direct conversation is often necessary: "I noticed you didn’t send the report three times in a row. Is there a specific reason?" Phrase your observations factually, without accusations, but hold them accountable for their contradictions.

Stay calm and flip the script

Their goal? To make you lose your temper so they can play the victim. Don’t fall into the trap. Focus on the facts, maintain a neutral tone, and ask a question that forces them out of ambiguity: "What’s your goal here?"

Hold them accountable and set clear expectations

Passive-aggressive people love to criticize from the sidelines but avoid making decisions. Flip the situation: "You seem to have concerns about this project. What are your suggestions for improvement?" Once their objections are voiced, clarify expectations: "Okay, so you approve of this plan and will confirm it in writing?" This prevents ambiguity and limits their ability to manipulate the situation.

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Don't let a passive-aggressive person sabotage your work

A passive-aggressive colleague is like a grain of sand in a machine. At first, it’s just minor resistance. But if left unchecked, it can bring the whole system to a halt.

?Allowing this kind of behavior to take root can impact your well-being, productivity, and team cohesion. I’ve seen companies waste an incredible amount of time on toxic dynamics simply because no one dared to set boundaries.

Have you ever encountered a passive-aggressive person? Share your experience—how did you handle it?