How to handle over-talkers ?? with confidence

Welcome to Quick Confidence! This weekly letter delivers a spritz of stories, tips and simple actions that will build your confidence and your power. Each quick tip bolsters confidence in your body, mind, and relationships so you can lead yourself and others to greatness.?

It was one of my first meetings at a new job.?

My manager had just debriefed me on a new training program that I was going to “own” (!). My role on this day was to share the update with my new teammates. Nervous but excited, I took a deep breath.?

Not one minute into my update, people were jumping in, going off on tangents, and derailing the conversation. Regaining the “microphone” was a CHALLENGE.?

Ever been there?

Working with over-talkers is tricky. They seem to feel entitled to speak at any time, on any subject, and often believe the most booming voice in the conversation “wins”.

In my particular team, there was practically a culture of over-talking! It was normal for people to interrupt each other or jockey to dominate the conversation.?

But even if you don’t work in a team like that, chances are good that you’ll collaborate with over-talkers at some point.

So, how do you confidently and adeptly get your point across anyway? Use these techniques to ensure you’re heard!

Quick Confidence Tips to Deal with Over-talkers:

1. Mindset: Decide you’ll make an early “entrance.” Ask anyone who comes from a large family, and they’ll agree it can be hard to insert yourself into conversation at times! As the youngest of four kids, I can definitely attest to that. So next time you attend a meeting with over-talkers, commit to yourself that you’ll make a point or comment – or share an idea – early. Making your presence felt early in the conversation has multiple benefits. It increases your sense that you belong in the meeting, which can improve the quality and quantity of points you’ll make later on. It also creates some early anchors or references in the conversation that people will tie back to you. So don’t just decide you’ll contribute, decide you’ll contribute early.
2. Embodied: Level-up your volume by a power of one. Susan Cain, author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, recommends that when you need to re-insert yourself in a conversation, that you “speak at a decibel level a little higher than the people around you.” Note that this is not yelling – it requires listening for the volume of the conversation and then speaking one level louder. When you speak up in this way, it unconsciously signals to the group that you’re entering the conversation – that you have something to say and it’s time to listen.
3. Interpersonal: Be an ally to level the playing field. As you navigate meetings, you won’t only have opportunities to make yourself heard. You’ll have chance after chance to act as an ally to others, like those who aren’t being listened to or taken seriously and those who simply don’t feel seen. When you see someone being cut off or dominated, don’t be afraid to say, “David and Brenda, we’ve heard a lot from you today – I’d like to hear what the rest of the team thinks.” If you notice a culture of over-talking, it’s a great time to come up with, as a team, some norms and values that can inform your meetings. Some simple but powerful examples of these meeting values could include: “Everyone contributes,” “Healthy debate is encouraged,” and “Challenge the problem, not the person.”?

Over-talkers tend to dominate dinner parties and hijack work meetings. But their volume or entitlement or obliviousness doesn't mean that the things you have to say are not as important!?

And truthfully, dealing with compulsive talkers can be taxing, especially in work settings. But like many workplace or social challenges, they’re part of the diverse tapestry of people who make up our world. You CAN confidently and adeptly get your point across anyway.

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In Nano Tips for Communicating with Confidence I share how to make sure that your voice is fully heard in any situation. Explore words that raise your stature and three practical shifts to be more assertive, plus learn how to address challenges with over talkers, disagreement, overthinking, over-explaining, conflict on the job, and being overworked! As a LinkedIn Learning author, I may be compensated if you make a purchase.