How to Handle Hard Better

How to Handle Hard Better

I saw this video of Kara Lawson, the coach of Duke’s women’s basketball team, recently, and I want to share it far and wide with everyone I can reach—it’s that good.

The advice she gives her team had me whooping and fist pumping, because her number one most important life lesson is one of my very first points in every keynote, every coaching relationship, every training. Here’s how she explains it:

“Life doesn’t get easier. You handle hard better.

YES! Here’s the whole video so that you can soak it all up! Prepare to be inspired!



We can’t completely eliminate or avoid the challenging moments of life. So instead of dreading them, instead of wasting energy trying to avoid them at every turn by staying small and playing it safe, what if we invested that same energy into something actually productive—learning to handle them better when they inevitably come up.

How do we do that? It starts with changing the way we interact with challenges.

This is the mental shift.

And when you can make that shift, then you’re in growth mode.

Because handling hard better is a skill you can hone, and the growth starts when you commit to building?the necessary skills to handle “hard” well!

Here are three tools you can start using today to help you handle hard going forward:

1. Cognitive reframing:?

When you learn to reframe negative thoughts by looking for a more positive, more realistic, or more helpful perspective, you can avoid getting stuck in the “hard” and get a clearer perspective on how you can respond thoughtfully, intentionally, and skillfully.

Need a step-by-step guide to help you get started building that healthier mindset? I walk you through the process in my course: Stop & Shift!

2. Social support:?

Spending time with people you love and people who love you isn’t just about finding a safe haven away from the challenges of the world—you’re literally helping your brain become better equipped for hard moments. When we spend time with our close circles, our brains are firing off neurotransmitters that make us feel good in the moment—serotonin, dopamine, oxytocin—but flooding your brain with those feel-good hormones also changes the chemical makeup of your brain. When challenges hit, your brain will be able to navigate them with more calm because it’s got those happiness hormones in reserve.

3. Celebrate victories:?

Most of us are good at reveling in our big wins—graduating from college, landing that job promotion, buying your dream house—but it’s way too easy to let the smaller, everyday victories?pass you by. Ticked off everything on your to-do list today? Text your BFF and let them hype you up. Folded and put away that giant pile of laundry?

This calls for ice cream! Got in a workout today? Take a second to tell yourself how proud you are!?Not only does it feel great in the moment, when you purposely celebrate your victories, your brain gets better and better at noticing your wins, big or small. Instead of hyper-focusing on the challenges and setbacks, you’re training your brain to look for and lean into the good!

Check out this list of 14 more tips to help you handle hard better! (Feel free to download it and share it with your circle too!)?

If you want even more ideas—check out this LinkedIn post, where some amazing humans shared other ways they’re strengthening their resilience muscles. While you’re there, I hope you’ll drop yours in the comments too, or share it with your team or your close circle!

The beauty of this journey is that we’re all learning from each other along the way, and when you inspire others, you’re not just strengthening your own resilience, you’re also building a more supportive and connected community.

There will be ups and downs, moments of doubt and triumph in this life. When you learn to handle hard better for yourself, you also make your corner of the world better along the way.

The world needs you—your strength, your leadership, and your positive impact. It takes practice, patience, and a whole lot of heart, but if you’re here, I know you already have everything you need within you.


?When you're ready, here are 2 ways I can help…

  1. Stop & Shift Digital Course: This course introduces you to a powerful mental exercise that will empower you manage your thoughts so you can transform your mindset.
  2. 100% Human Leadership Program:?This workshop gives you the tools, strategies, and support you need to cultivate human-centric workplace that empowers your team to thrive.

Marilen Silverio

Project Officer, Science Impact & Policy, CSIRO

7 个月

I believe in appreciating and recognizing the small things in life, but unfortunately, I don't always acknowledge them, and I certainly don't give myself that 'pat on the back' I deserve ??. As I reflect on my journey from where I've been to where I am today, I've come to realize that life doesn't necessarily get better with age, but by learning from my experiences and events, I've become better at dealing with the hard times. So, Karen, I want to thank you for sharing this ??.

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Cheryl Albrecht

Coordinator at Northwell Health

7 个月

this is so true, how you see it, how you look at makes how you approach it is the point, if you go in thinking you cant, then no you cant.. if you see the possibilities & go forth with a positive mindset you CAN & you WILL and it's not hard anymore.

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Yvette Owens, CCMP

I help leaders build healthy cultures | Speaker | 4X International Best-Selling Author | Talent Optimization | Click my website below ??

7 个月

I don't know where to begin in expressing how true Kara Lawson's comments are. I'm 64 and I thought that by now life and my pursuit for the things that I'm called to do would be easier, a destination vs the journey that I now know it to be. The closer I get to realizing visions taking off, the more challenges come requiring a greater press. I can't walk my predestined path without the one who created it, God, and the destiny helpers HE created to help me. Every day, some times every moment, I'm required to make the decision to answer this question, "Will I do my part by playing full out so God can see HIS masterpiece come to life?" My answer is, "Yes, Lord!" I'm learning to press toward the highest calling in my life to cross the finish line to hear, "Well Done!" Handle Hard Better everyday.

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Stacy Szucs RN, BS, CCM

Program Management Advisor

7 个月

So true! Rings true for me, and I shared it with my young adult sons.

Riduwan Hossain

Researcher | Virtual Assistant

7 个月

Embracing challenges with mental strength transforms our outlook on life. It's not about making life easier, but about growing stronger to handle whatever comes our way. Thanks for sharing this valuable perspective! ?? Karen M. Allen

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