How to handle emotions in the workplace

The Apprentice is back on our TV screens, with the latest batch of hotshot hopefuls vying to impress Lord Sugar. While the show isn’t always the finest example of best practice in the workplace, there is still plenty we can learn in terms of the dos and don’ts of how to behave in business.

In typically dramatic fashion, there was more tears and tantrums in episode 2, with crossed words and arguments on one side and emotional breakdowns on the other. The result? Failure all round, with neither team deemed worthy winners of the challenge to create and market their own jeans brand. As Lord Sugar delicately told one unfortunate team captain: “You cracked up.”

But seeing how the teams responded - or more aptly didn’t respond - to their respective meltdowns was a valuable lesson in itself. Unless you can effectively deal with emotions running high in the workplace, then teams will not be able to work successfully together to achieve their goals. In fact, one contestant who narrowly avoided the fatal finger from Lord Sugar summed it up pretty well, stating: “If the team’s not functioning you’re not going to get the result you want.”

Of course, it’s almost impossible to leave your emotions at the door when you step into work each day. With that in mind, we spoke to business leaders and HR experts from a range of companies and industries to find out their top tips for how best to deal with emotion in the workplace.

Don’t be afraid of differences of opinion

Talented staff are sure to have strong opinions, but you can’t expect everybody to agree all the time. You shouldn’t be afraid of this, but instead learn to embrace a culture of healthy debate, says Jonathan Richards, CEO of breatheHR, a HR software solution used by more than 1,500 SMEs.

"It’s inevitable that even the happiest of workplaces will experience tension amongst the team and it’s essential that you don't run away from it. In fact I’d go as far as to say that a fear of conflict is bad for a team. It’s inevitable when people are passionate about things, which I encourage all of my staff to be, that opinions can collide,” says Jonathan.

“The important thing is how you handle it, my approach is to remain unbiased and give those involved the opportunity to air their views, discuss the issue calmly and work towards a solution. The team will emerge stronger and more able to turn conflict into debate.”

Respect is essential in any situation  

Respect should be embedded into any modern organisation, at every level of the business. It can have a positive impact upon behaviour and attitudes if employees and bosses keep this in mind when dealing with any scenario, no matter how heated it may get. This applies to how you communicate with colleagues, clients and customers - respect is something that has to be both demonstrated and earned, and your workplace will be all the better for it.  

The tone is often set during the recruitment process, according to Victoria Brown, managing director of High Performance Consultancy, HR consultants with offices in Liverpool, Manchester and London.

“In my experience, the core values of a business are the guiding principles that dictate behaviour and action,” Victoria explains. “‘Respect’ is often a value that organisations I work with adopt.  

“Tackling fall-outs and tantrums within the workplace becomes far more manageable when they can use techniques such as team building exercises that link back to this value. I always advise clients to embrace their values throughout the whole of their business, including the recruitment process. A company should place more importance on ensuring a candidate has the correct values as opposed to skills match.”

Think before you speak - and choose your words carefully

Anger can often boil over, but it is in these situations where you need to be most careful not to do or say anything that you will regret. Respect applies here too, don’t speak to people in a way you wouldn’t want to be spoken to yourself. In this post by career coach Melody Wilding, she offers various tips on how to cope with anger at work - and carefully chosen words is one of the key takeaways. She explains that it is important to spend time identifying and articulating your feelings, learning to articulate them effectively.

“Speak to your boss or whoever is upsetting you the way they would like to be communicated with,” Melody writes. “For instance, if they value straightforward, results-oriented language, keep that in mind when addressing the problem. Ask them to describe the situation from their perspective as well to keep the lines of communication open and even.”

Give your employees a voice, at all levels of the business

In traditional big business, employees can feel more and more detached from the corridors of power within their own place of work. And the more detached and uninfluential they feel, the more this could negatively impact behaviour, attitudes and performance. As teams get more and more bloated, the decision-making process becomes less and less effective.

Joe Griston, regional director of Freelancer.com, says big corporates should follow the Amazon  founder Jeff Bezos’s ‘two pizza rule’. The basic principle is that the more people there are involved, the less impact they can have - useful ideas get buried. So never have a meeting or a team where two pizzas wouldn’t feed the entire group. In other words, breaking down big teams can help to solve a lot of issues.

“Emotion and any other issues are quickly and easily dealt with, instant and unrivalled communication when huge teams are gone,” Joe says. “My company comprises over 500 staff in 7 offices globally. However we work in product teams of 5-6 people maximum. These teams act as their own company who are fully responsible for how they work and their results.

“When team sizes are this small then communication is much easier, management is much easier, up-skilling employees is far easier. Employee needs are quickly and easily identified, employees sit in desks that face each other and are not cubicled away. Therefore sharing of ideas, communication and reviews of each other are constant. Should any form of disagreement occur, it is dealt with instantly.

“Sitting employees in teams of 50+, reviewing them once a year and having an overriding HR team in another department will only cause bad emotions, fall-outs and so on.”  

Be willing to listen when emotions run high

All workplaces will encounter arguments or emotional exchanges at some point or another. But if this is affecting individuals, then dismissing their feelings is not the most constructive way to approach it. Instead, take the time to listen and find out what the root course of the issue is, says Inigo Antolin, marketing director of Blossoming Gifts, an online gift retailer with offices in London and Manchester.

“I would say that one of the first things when dealing with a tantrum or fall-out is to discuss with that person or persons in private,” Inigo says. “The best one can do is to listen patiently to know what is creating the issue and if there could be any easy fixes or solutions. The main idea is to defuse the situation.

“Normally, using open questions can help, like: ‘Then how do you I think we can help you?’, or ‘Now that we know what has created the problem, what in your opinion should be the next step?’. This is going to make the person feel that they are involved in finding the solution and is not imposed by a manager.”

Empathy is essential when personal issues arise - but so is professionalism

Unless you employ a team of robots, then everyone is affected by personal issues at some point. These can often have a knock-on effect on performance and behaviour at work, so it’s important to keep that in mind. Empathy and communication is often key in these situations, explains Lee Fisher, head of HR at Wooden Blinds Direct, a Yorkshire-based ecommerce business with more than 160 employees.

“When dealing with emotional issues in the workplace, the duty of any HR personnel is to first and foremost, listen. If a member of staff comes to you with a personal problem that does not affect anyone else in the business, you should be there to listen to their grievance or issue. Perhaps they are worried about their job security or an issue at home is affecting their performance at work. Remain calm and lend an empathetic ear, offering whatever advice is appropriate, and reminding them that the HR office is always open.

“If it is a tantrum situation and the employee is acting unreasonably or aggressively, you may need to remind them that, although you are there to support them, they are still addressing a member of the management team and it is important that their problem does not overshadow their professionalism.”

Understand the reasons behind the tears

Nothing creates awkwardness quite like tears at work, whether you’re the one crying or just the one witnessing it. But don’t just ignore it, it’s important to address what is causing the tears, explains Martine Robins, owner of The HR Dept Woking, providing outsourced HR support for SMEs.

“Many people feel uncomfortable if someone becomes tearful particularly in a work environment,” says Martine. “If you are a manager of someone who gets tearful very easily, you need to understand how best to manage that individual. Understand the reason for tears – whether its frustration or sensitivity to situations – and ensure that the individual learns some strategies to help them cope. Again the effects of not trying to resolve it means that the individual can be ‘labelled’ by colleagues and can cause resentment if they are felt to be treated differently as a result of it.

“If you are the one who is prone to bursting into tears, understanding the reasons why this happens and what you can do about it should be on your agenda. If it’s an infrequent reaction to a situation, such as a health issue or bereavement, this is a perfectly natural reaction. If you find you are becoming more tearful and it takes little to initiate it, you need to look at other signs.

“For example, are you in a stressful job, project or relationship that is affecting your outlook on life and confidence? If so, what do you need to do about it to improve it and get the help. Do you find criticism or rejection hard to deal with? So when faced with this do you react by crying hoping to elicit some sympathy and take the negativity out the situation?  If you do, a suggested approach would be to find out why you feel this way and look to improve your self-confidence along with developing assertive skills.”

Encourage your staff to be open and honest

Talking about your issues is often the best way to address them - as it can be hard to block out any personal issues completely, which can spill over into your worklife. In small businesses or teams, when emotions run high in the office it is hard for everyone to not be affected in some way, says Natalie Weaving, director of Hampshire-based marketing agency The Typeface Group.

“Whether it is a high or a low, the ebb and flow in an office does reflect on the productivity of the team and the quality of the work produced,” Natalie explains. “We support being open with emotions in relation to work, and ask that personal gripes are left at the office door. This can be hard at times. So we do have a ‘open door’ policy that encourages staff to talk to us about events that are happening outside of work that may affect them in the workplace.  

“We encourage staff to talk to their direct reports about issues that could affect them in the workplace, and work with them to stay focused whilst in the office. If there are issues out of work that are affecting someone, often coming to work is a chance to forget about it, but it shouldn’t be an excuse for poor work quality or productivity.

“If a member of staff is being out of character, nip in the bud immediately by talking to them about it privately. It is usually a cry for help, or they do not realise that they were being so obvious. This is a quick way to get them back on track.

“Another strategy is to ‘let it all go’. We all let the halo slip from time to time. By having regular team meetings you can nurture a forum that allows staff to get work gripes out and work through them as part of a team. Everyone will then know that once a week they will have a chance to raise an issue, reducing the chances of it becoming a daily office distraction.”

Make decisions based on business reasons, not emotions

Not everybody can maintain a cool head at all times, but it is still important to keep your emotions in check when it comes to important business decisions. It’s important to recognise when a situation might arise where your commercial judgement could be clouded by personal feelings - and if you see this happening, it might be time to take a step back. Learning how to maintain objectivity is essential when it comes to not letting emotions affect productivity, explains Raj Patel, head of sales here at Chillisauce, an events agency that helps companies become more productive and work more effectively together through unique team building events,

“Your emotions need to be contained and kept in check,” says Raj. “The decisions that are made are based on business reasons and not personal ones. Working in a business requires you to have a clear head and an objective outlook. The decisions made should be based on achieving operational success and developing a productive workforce with a positive morale.

“At work, your ability to communicate anger, disagreement and discontent in an articulate way so people understand the strength of your intent is important and the emphasis behind your argument is paramount. Otherwise people will perceive you as an emotional person which will undermine your power or the perception that people have of you.”

Would you like to learn more about how Chillisauce can help you build more effective and productive teams? Explore our innovative team building activities or get in touch to find out how our bespoke events can be tailored to your needs.