How to Handle the Email Power Play

Welcome to my new Linkedin newsletter called Supercharge Collaboration! Please subscribe to get bi-weekly insights and tips on how to unlock 21st century collaboration and teamwork to drive exponential growth.

Many of us are familiar with power plays in face-to-face encounters at work. We’ve all been there when a boss or older colleague pulls away physically, deliberately turns toward another teammate in a meeting, or suddenly stops making friendly gestures. Or maybe a teammate begins interrupting you in meetings, leaving you out, or rushing you along, signaling she’s just too busy to chat.

In the digital sphere, power-plays are?just as common and, some might argue, more pernicious. Online, we’re presented with a host of new ways to engage in power plays, and a screen to shield us from admitting we’re doing so. We can “forget” to CC our colleague, send a slightly unfriendly or scolding follow up, or opt for a cursory, one-word Slack message. Or we can deliberately delay a reply, start with a passive-aggressive “Per my last email”, or needlessly scold someone for their choice of words. (That CFO who gave you a scoldy reply to your perfectly polite email seems awful!) The effect of a pursed lip is now communicated with a punctuation mark or a vague sign off.

And then some of us might be wrongly accused of digital power plays. These days, an ellipses can signal anything from passive aggressiveness to disdain. In this way, digital body language exaggerates the messages we send, resulting in intentional and unintentional power plays. So how do we avoid getting bogged down online?

Trust Reduces Misunderstanding

First, we need to have a good understanding of any gaps in trust and power that exist between ourselves and others, which should determine how we communicate with them. By trust, I mean our level of familiarity and comfort with a colleague and by power, I mean our difference in hierarchy on the team.

We might feel a high gap in trust with a peer who is regularly unresponsive to our messages, or with a peer who seems to only respond when the boss is CC’d. Or we might feel a moderate gap in trust with a peer from another team who says “Great job!” whenever you send her work. We can’t tell whether she’s being patronizing, or lazy, or if she just gives weird feedback.

If you sense a trust gap growing with a colleague, be thoughtful about how your digital body language might be subject to misinterpretation. Check in with yourself to ensure you’re following the same communication protocols that you expect others to follow. Sometimes, that means showing more interest in another person’s ideas, demonstrating good listening skills on Zoom, or thoughtfully responding to emails. If you email a close colleague and the trust between you is high, he’ll probably assume you’re busy if you answer tersely, or take a few days to reply. But if the trust between you is low, your colleague may interpret your silence as intentional, and your brevity a sign of resentment or anger.

Power Gaps Create Confusion

We usually feel power gaps when we deal with people who hold different professional ranks than us. For example, there is a high power gap between a senior leader of a company and a recently hired employee. The senior leader might act on their higher power level by being curt or brief in their communication style with the new hire. The new employee, on the other hand, will try to prioritize speed, clarity, and substantive messages with their boss.

If you’re trying to navigate a power gap, remember that we’re all privy to misunderstanding digital communication, and that our true intentions are not always accurately reflected online. Learn to be observant and receptive to another person’s digital body language. What do they do when they’re unhappy with a deliverable; what do they look like when they’re giving praise? What about when they misunderstood something you wrote or said? Armed with this knowledge, you may be able to preempt and meet their needs and improve the relationship.

For example, if you’re an individual contributor dealing with a higher-up who can’t be bothered to write more than a one-liner, try not to take it personally. And if you’re still left bewildered, don’t be afraid to pick up the phone. It can save a lot of time and generate goodwill.

Check Your Intentions!

Intentions matter a lot in power dynamics, and digital body language has a funny habit of distorting them. Early in my career I remember sending an email to the CFO of a large organization who had recently offered to introduce me to a colleague. Intending to show how much I valued her time and what I imagined was her overstuffed schedule, I emailed, “Just following up, I know you’re really busy and wanted to check in on the connection to John.”

It backfired. She replied, “I would recommend that you never send an email starting with reminding someone that they’re really busy.” (That was the last time I heard from her, by the way.)

I hadn’t meant to disrespect her — just the opposite. In hindsight, I should have been more careful in my choice of words, as the gap in our power levels was high, and the trust between us low. When power gaps exist between two people, it can be hard to recognize when we might just risk coming across as rude, without intending to.

When teams struggle to understand the intentions of their communications, power plays, animosity and resentment usually follow, eroding trust and diminishing collaboration and innovative thinking.

When trust and power gaps exist between two people online, it’s important to make sure those dynamics don’t become corrosive. The risk is a toxic team culture, one in which resentment rules at the expense of collaboration and innovative thinking.

Just remember one thing: in our digital age, so much of our communication is rife with ambiguity. Each of us has different expectations and instincts about different types of communication, and those expectations and instincts vary across different channels. Without a common rule book on this front, it’s natural to feel overwhelmed, even anxious, when we digitally communicate. But checking in about trust and power gaps and acting accordingly can help you communicate with clarity and without ambiguity.

Erica Dhawan ?is a leading expert on 21st century teamwork and communication. She is an award winning keynote speaker and the author of the new book?Digital Body Language . Download her free guide to?End Digital Burnout .

Follow her on?Linkedin ,?Instagram ,?Facebook , and?Twitter .