How To Handle Drama In Meetings When You Aren’t The Leader

We’ve all experienced meetings that are anything but productive, full of drama and complaining. This was the question I received recently from a fan who was wondering what they can do to intervene and get the meeting back on track, even if they weren’t the leader. Below you’ll find my answer that was also featured on the Life’s Messy, Live Happy show.

Q: If you're not the leader, what do you do when you find yourself in meetings filled with drama? How do you go to your manager and talk about it?

I have a rule that if I'm about to get in your business, I'm going to go there helping, not judging. So, I've got to get compassionate and wholehearted, because even though I like to tell myself a story that, “I would never allow drama in my meetings,” I know that is true in every circumstance.  I can find it in my heart that there are times I allow drama. Given that, I don’t want to go in critiquing, venting to, and judging my manager.  If I'm wandering out of my business, I'm going to be a helpful person.

We often get tempted to sit back, disengage, drop out and wish our managers were better leaders, but that mindset keeps us in victim mode and unable to find opportunities to add value. In this situation, I would approach my leader and express something like this. “I want to let you know that I'm committed to do my part in helping our meetings be as efficient and with as little drama as possible. I know at times we get sidetracked and our energy is spent in venting. What can I do personally to help you, manager, redirect us?” This approach, versus the, “Hey manager, how are you going to handle this?” allows me to step into the power and accountability I already have.  

If I want to make the world different, I'll go first.

If I want to make the world different, I'll go first. I might step in appropriately when the meeting is turning to drama and take my turn to redirect the energy. This can sound like, “I want to make a try at moving the energy to a different place. I’m hearing concerns being expressed, and I don’t share that same viewpoint. In my experience, this process/project is working quite well for me. I was wondering if I could share some tips that have been helpful for me?”

Anyone in a meeting who is not the leader can redirect the energy at any given time. Yes, there are times this may not go as planned, and people might disagree with you.  But I don't give up. I’m simply offering another data point to consider in our conversation. I can use a strategy called “passing the microphone” and ask fellow team members who I’ve worked with that can express similar, positive results. We can shift the energy in the room by calling up the folks who typically stay silent and encourage them to share their experiences.

We can shift the energy in the room by calling up the folks who typically stay silent and encourage them to share their experiences.

When meetings go off the rails, as individuals, there is so much we are empowered to do that doesn’t require just waiting for a leader to step up. A good relationship can open the door to share feedback with your leader if they’re willing to consider it. In your career, it is more likely than not that you will work for a less than perfect leader, and one whom handles meetings differently that you would prefer. That’s the good news! By approaching your leader with compassion and a heart and mind ready to help, it’s a great way to use your skills and abilities in those imperfect circumstances. It’s a great place for you to embrace one of my non-negotiables, stop judging, start helping, by asking, “How can I help?”

Do you have a workplace question that I can answer? Submit your question anonymously to be considered for an upcoming Life’s Messy, Live Happy show.