How To Handle A Difficult Conversation

I think it’s safe to say that everybody has found themselves in a situation they don’t want to be in at some point in their career. It takes just five words – ‘can we have a chat’ – to immediately inspire butterflies, negative presumptions and nervous anticipation.

Handling difficult conversations or meetings in an office environment can be really challenging, especially because we tend to assume the worst and I’d say it’s one of the biggest causes of stress. It’s natural that, as human beings, we don’t enjoy confrontation and we don’t want to offend anybody but it doesn’t have to be that bad. It’s only difficult, if you make it difficult.

Quitting a job is a perfect example of this. It’s always an awkward conversation and nobody likes to do it but handing in your final notice shouldn’t actually be that difficult. More often than not, people leave a job because they’ve been offered a better opportunity or a better salary package. If I’m not willing to match that how can I complain? If I can’t justify why I wouldn’t do the same thing, I don’t have a leg to stand on.

If you’re reading this feeling nervous because you need to have a difficult conversation with somebody – perhaps you need to confront a work colleague or tell your boss you’re unhappy – there are a few things to think about and actions you can take to make it slightly easier.

People are always so rigid and closed off about things that are bothering them at work.  In reality however it’s really important to share your concerns to ensure your own career satisfaction as an employee and it’s important to encourage this behaviour as a manager to ensure you have a happy, motivated workforce.

The #1 biggest mistake people make when addressing stressful situations is delaying the inevitable. Waiting another few days, weeks or hours isn’t going to make it any easier, it will only intensify your feelings of dread and you’ll probably end up making it a bigger issue than it actually is. Trust me when I say that 9 times out of 10, it isn’t as bad as you think and the sooner you address the situation, the sooner you can take the weight off your shoulders. If you don’t, not only will you be unhappy, subconsciously you’ll be unproductive and idle at work.

To avoid this, you need to tackle the fear.

For many people, a common avoidance factor is fear; fear of saying the wrong thing, upsetting someone, coming across too tough, being ignored… the list goes on. A lot of these fears are a result of over-complicating the situation and are almost always unnecessary. If you have something to say, don’t let fear get in the way, think about your key points, stick to the facts and be accurate! There’s no need for repetition.

At the end of the day, it is what it is, the other person may not want to hear it but nobody should feel unhappy or uncomfortable at work and not addressing the situation is a recipe for disaster.

Next, don’t lose YOU.

HR procedures are obviously in place to protect us but it’s important that you don’t lose the human element when resolving conflict. So many people hide behind protocols when in reality, the best way to deal with a difficult conversation is to be honest and let the other person know there’s something on your mind. So when you’re delivering the news, don’t beat around the bush - instead of quoting lines from your employment contract just be open and honest. It’s only a grown up conversation and you’ll be surprised how easy it can be once you start approaching the situation with an open mind.

In my experience, the way to handle a difficult situation is to do the opposite of what people think. Instead of thinking about it for weeks and contemplating the right approach, just start a conversation. Take control, have some courage and get straight to the point.

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