How to Handle A Criticizing Partner

Confronting a critical partner about the way they speak to you can be daunting.

Fortunately, there are different ways to go about it, and recommends pointing out [the criticism] the moment it happens. "To prevent them from getting defensive or escalating the conversation, you can say ‘I just took what you said as a criticism. Was that your intention?'” 

You can also choose your timing a little more strategically if talking about it on the spot doesn't feel right. “Bring it up when you're having a positive time together. I get that some people don't want to ruin that time, but it may help with preventing escalation,” Chlipala explains. Rather than approaching the subject by blaming or accusing them of criticizing you, she recommends focusing on how the way they speak to you makes you feel. This can be done by using language like, "When you say [*insert hurtful language here*] about me, it makes me feel [*insert how you're feeling here*]. Why do you feel the need to do that? It hurts me."

If your partner's behavior doesn’t change immediately, Chlipala says not to get too discouraged. “Sometimes it takes several attempts and different methods for people to 'get it,'" she explains. However, Chlipala adds that it's important to communicate your boundaries moving forward. “Tell your partner ahead of time that if they continue to criticize you, you will physically remove yourself [from the situation] and you can resume the conversation when they can be kinder. The tone in which you convey this is important. Don't do it as a threat, but as a need for your self-respect. No one should put up with constant criticism.”

Remember....there is a difference between tolerating and allowing.

You allow anyone to be anyway they choose to be, but that doesn't mean you tolerate anything that is not good for you mentally or emotionally.

It's a new year, a new decade and a new you! May it be filled with laughter, love and lots of healthy communication~!

Charlyn Shelton-Fitzgerald, Relationship Builder

"I grow people" www.findingjoy.tv