How to Handle a Conversation with a Rude and Hostile Co-Worker
Mary Kelly, Commander, USN, CSP, CPAE
Keynote Speaker and Corporate Advisor - Lead confidently through crises, challenges, and change| Former Navy Intel Officer| Author of You Next| Hall of Fame Speaker, Economist, Board member, Philanthropist, Podcaster
This is written for a specific coaching client who is having an issue with a peer at work.? The obnoxious colleague makes belittling comments, constantly interrupts, and often withholds project information, causing delays and failures. Unfortunately, this is common.
Dealing with a co-worker who is openly rude, and hostile can be challenging and uncomfortable. However, addressing the issue directly and professionally is crucial to maintaining a respectful and productive work environment.
Here are some ideas on how to have that difficult conversation, including specific phrases to use to communicate effectively.
1. Prepare for the Conversation
Before initiating the conversation, make sure to prepare. Reflect on specific instances of rude or hostile behavior, gather any relevant documentation, and consider the impact of this behavior on the team and workplace atmosphere. Having concrete examples will help you articulate your concerns clearly and objectively.
2. Choose the Right Time and Place
Select a private, neutral setting for the conversation where you will not be interrupted. This ensures that the discussion remains confidential and that both parties can speak openly. Avoid addressing the issue in the heat of the moment or during a meeting, as this can escalate tensions.
3. Approach with Empathy and Openness
Start the conversation with a calm and empathetic tone. Express your intention to understand their perspective and resolve the issue collaboratively. An open-minded approach can help defuse defensiveness and encourage a more constructive dialogue.
4. Keep Your Emotions in Check
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5. Explain the Impact on the Team
Help your co-worker understand the broader impact of their behavior on the team’s dynamics and productivity. Emphasize that a respectful and collaborative environment is essential for everyone’s success.
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6. Set Clear Expectations
Clearly and calmly communicate the changes you expect in their behavior. Be specific about what constitutes respectful communication and what behaviors need to stop.
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7. Offer Support and Solutions
Show that you are willing to support your co-worker in making these changes. Suggest solutions or resources that might help, such as communication training or conflict resolution workshops.
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8. Follow Up
After the initial conversation, continue to monitor the situation and provide feedback, as necessary. Acknowledge any positive changes and address ongoing issues promptly to ensure the behavior improves.
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Having a conversation with a co-worker who is openly rude, and hostile is difficult, but if you do not put a stop to the behavior, it will continue. Remember, the goal is not to confront but to collaborate and foster a positive change. Keeping your own emotions in check is essential to ensure the conversation remains professional and effective.