How to Guarantee a Depressed Life in 5 Easy Steps
Before we dive in, I want to make something clear—I’ve personally battled depression for over a decade, and I’m not here to make fun of anyone’s struggles. What you’re about to hear is pure self-sarcasm, based on my own bad habits and choices that kept me stuck for years. This isn’t a guide for others, but more of a tongue-in-cheek look at the things I used to do when I wasn’t ready to face my reality. So if you relate to any of this, know you’re not alone—and there’s always a way out. One of my ways out was always humor and to laugh at all of my problems as they seemed to lose most of their value somehow when I did that.
So today we're going to get into something a little different. I'm going to walk you through exactly what to do if you want to maintain your mental health. In fact, I’ll show you 5 surefire steps to completely sabotage your well-being. These are the habits that will guarantee you end up feeling stuck, miserable, and constantly battling your inner demons. Let’s get started!"?
Step 1: Isolate Yourself. First up, stop talking to anyone. Disconnect from your friends, your family, and anyone who cares about you. Keep everything bottled up inside because after all, no one can really help, right? And hey, bonus – this way you can save money by not bothering with therapy or support groups. Just suffer in silence, it’s way cheaper that way.?
Step 2: Destroy Your Body with Junk Food and Sedentary Living. Next, let’s focus on your physical health—or rather, how to ruin it. Say goodbye to a balanced diet and exercise. Instead, load up on sugar, processed foods, and binge-watch Netflix for hours on end. You'll feel constantly tired, sluggish, and completely out of energy. Who needs good moods or motivation anyway? Complaining about how exhausted you feel every day will become your new normal.?
Step 3: Surround Yourself with Toxic People. Now for the final touch. Stick close to those toxic people in your life who have zero ambition or positivity. Stay in that comfort zone of misery, reliving your trauma on repeat. Pulling yourself out of that dark place would take too much effort, so why bother? Just keep feeding into that negative cycle instead. After all, feeling stuck is way easier than actually making a change.?
Step 4: Embrace the Victim Mentality. Why stop there? To really cement your depression, keep playing the victim in every story. This way, you never have to take responsibility for anything that happens in your life. It’s easy to feel sorry for yourself, and hey, you’ll have plenty of excuses to stay where you are without making any effort to grow.?
Step 5: Numb It All Away. Finally, let’s make sure you can numb everything out. Turn to drugs, alcohol, or anything that helps you escape reality. After all, why face your problems when you can dull your mind and waste time on self-destructive habits? It’s a slow road to rock bottom, but if you’re committed, you’ll get there eventually.?
So, there you have it. The perfect formula for a miserable, unfulfilling life. Obviously, this is a cautionary tale. I want you to do the opposite! Take care of your mental and physical health, surround yourself with positive influences, and take responsibility for your life. You have the power to change the narrative. Don’t settle for less.?
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