How Grief Transformed John's Leadership

Grief is not a topic that comes up in the boardroom. Yet, for one leader I recently coached, it became the undercurrent of every meeting, decision, and conversation. This leader, let’s call him John, had worked alongside his co-worker, Mark, for 20 years. They built a department together, navigating the ups and downs of corporate life, forming not just a professional relationship but a deep bond of camaraderie. When Mark suddenly passed away at 45, it was like a part of John’s world had shattered.

John was known for his resilience, ability to shoulder any burden, and capacity to lead with clarity and strength. But in the wake of Mark’s passing, he found himself struggling. The daily tasks that once felt routine became monumental. Meetings that he once led with ease became a challenge. The grief was profound, and it permeated every aspect of his life, making it difficult to manage his responsibilities.

In one of our sessions, John shared how losing his friend and colleague had rocked him to the core. “I feel like I should be able to push through this,” he admitted, his voice heavy with the weight of expectation. “But I just can’t get back to where I was.”

This is where I introduced him to the wisdom of Martín Prechtel, a writer and teacher who speaks to the deep, often unacknowledged, power of grief. Prechtel teaches that to grieve is to praise; that grief is not something to be pushed through or gotten over but to be embraced as an expression of love. In our culture, we’ve lost the wisdom of grief, often viewing it as something to be hidden, something that shows weakness. But Prechtel reminds us that grief is a natural and necessary process, a way to honor what we have lost.

As we explored this together, John began to understand that his struggle wasn’t a sign of weakness but a testament to the depth of his connection with Mark. His grief was a form of praise, a way to honor the years they had spent together, the challenges they had overcome, and the friendship they had forged. It was not something to be hurried or hidden but acknowledged, felt, and eventually integrated into his life.

John began to carve out space for his grief, allowing himself to feel the pain and the loss without judgment. He started to see that by honoring his grief, he also honored Mark’s memory, praising their time together. Slowly, he found that this grieving process as praise brought a new depth to his leadership. He became more compassionate, understanding, and connected to his team. He realized that by showing his vulnerability, he permitted others to do the same, creating a more authentic and supportive work environment.

Grief, as Martín Prechtel teaches, is a sacred act of praise. It is a way to acknowledge the value of what we have lost and to integrate that loss into our lives in a way that enriches us, rather than diminishes us. For John, embracing this wisdom allowed him to navigate his grief and, in doing so, become a stronger, more empathetic leader.

On this #NationalGriefAwarenessDay, let us remember that grief is not something to be hidden or rushed through but a powerful expression of love and praise. It is a reminder that we are human, that we form deep bonds, and that those bonds, when broken, deserve to be mourned, honored, and ultimately, celebrated.

In a world that often values stoicism over sensitivity, may we all find the courage to grieve openly and to praise those we have lost through our tears. For in that grief lies the true strength of the human heart.