How grief is like glitter. (And why I will be forever thankful I knew Diane Hanna.)

As a Coach, the relationship with your Supervisor is one of the most important professional relationships you have. They are a guide, a sounding board, and a confidante. Like a Coach, they will challenge as well as support you.

Diane Hanna was my Supervisor for the last few years, since she led my Coach Training Programme through Barefoot Coaching Ltd . She taught me so much and was a constant in my business life in a way that few are when you are self employed.

On Thursday 28th September 2023, sitting in the Regus Office in Berkeley Square, London, I opened one of the saddest and most shocking e mails of my life.

It said that after a short illness, Diane had died.

I thought that I must've made a mistake and got her confused with another Diane. I wondered if I was going mad and went onto LinkedIn to look at her. It couldn't be right. We were due to meet in a few days for a session, and had been trading e mails less than a fortnight before. The rest of the day I was a tearful shaky mess. The weekend the same. I felt guilty for being so upset because it must be much worse for her family and close friends. Her funeral was heart breaking.

Since then I have thought of her often. I find myself thinking 'what would Diane say' or make a note to raise something at supervision before remembering I can't anymore.

It has taken me a few months to process the initial shock and sadness and focus on the love, gratitude and celebration of having her in my life since 2019.

Here are some of the things I love about Diane:

• She was warm, friendly and fun. Whilst always highly professional she had a hint of mischief and a laugh that was contagious.
• She was generous. She shared her experiences and knowledge with me and many others and helped many people become better.
• She listened and made me feel understood. Once when I told her about something difficult I was navigating she said 'I'm sorry that it happened to you' and it felt like a weight was lifted.
• She held space for me when I was frustrated and upset. She didn't rush to speak and let me work through what I was feeling.
• She left me to draw my own conclusions and didn't tell me what to do. Very occasionally, with permission, she offered me a suggestion and was always spot on.
• She helped me to recognise when my drive had gone into overdrive, and I needed to step back and slow down, with the hint of a raised eyebrow and appropriately timed silence.

At her funeral, her own words about grief were read , taken from a case study she wrote in Coaching and Supervising Through Bereavement: A Practical Guide to Working with Grief and Loss by Julia Menaul and Maggie Joao. This part in particular resonated:

'A friend reminded me that grief is like glitter - it shows up when you least expect it; when you thought you had got rid of all the glitter there is still more to hoover up.'

As our lives and careers progress, there's no escaping the reality that we will lose more and more people we care about. Treasure your professional friends, those 'best friends at work' you've had over the years and the kind souls who have helped you. Make the effort. Tell them you appreciate them.

I sent Diane a card last March for International Women's Day and she messaged me saying it had been a spark of joy in an otherwise hectic day. I'm so happy now that I told her how much I appreciated having her in my life.

She had so many friends and loved ones - the church was packed full at her funeral. I am just one of hundreds who will be impacted by her loss, far too soon.

Sorry to say it, but you never know when you might get an e mail like I did. Life is short.

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