How a Grief Coach Can Help

What does a grief coach do?

Interesting you should ask. It took me a few years to figure it out.

I trained as a life coach and an end-of-life doula. I revisited my academic work in learning and human development.

I read. A lot.

I took additional coaching classes about grief, although there weren't many to take.

But mostly, I listened deeply to my clients and observed as they worked through their most difficult life experiences.

Gradually, my own unique approach to grief coaching developed. Today, I want to share that approach with you.

But first…

Why Do My Clients Reach Out?

Grief is a natural response to the loss of someone or something precious and irreplaceable. It’s a facet of love. I believe we all, deep down, understand how to grieve.

But loss is a confusing experience.

Few of us had role models or instructions on how to do the work of grief. Nor do we have people around us who understand what will help.

That’s why guidance and support from someone trained in the ways of grief can be so comforting.

My clients reach out to me searching for tools and strategies to help them cope with their loss and the disorienting life changes that follow.

Some are caregivers. They're struggling with anticipatory grief and emotional burnout.

Some are newly bereaved. They feel adrift. Stunned and lonely, with no one in their life who knows what to say or do for them.

Some are struggling with other overwhelming experiences. Family strife. Job loss.

?They can't figure out how to deal with so many life changes at once.

And some lost a loved one many years ago and never properly mourned. Their unresolved grief starts to surface, and they aren't sure how to handle it.

They call me because they're ready to feel better, be proactive, and come to terms with their loss.

As a grief coach, here is how I can help them work through grief and adapt to life after loss.

And how I can support you.

Companionship

No one should grieve alone.

As social creatures, we humans need the steady, grounded support of people who love us, care about us, and help us feel safe in a world turned upside down.

But for many, grieving can be such a lonely experience.

If you’re bereaved, you may have found yourself surrounded by people who have no idea what to say or do. Some say nothing, thinking they shouldn’t remind you of your loss. (As if you could forget.)

Others are full of bad advice that all contradicts itself:

Take time to grieve but don’t stay in denial.

You’ll never get over your loss but it’s time to move on.

You’re going through so much right now! But when can we expect you back at work?

I’ll never try to fix your grief. Instead, I’ll hold space for it.

I'll enter your hell and walk with you as you find your own way.

I'll be there to reassure you that whatever you experience is normal. That you have the right to work through your grief on your own terms, at your own pace.

When you’re ready, we’ll work together on the next steps back into the flow of life, while keeping your loved one close to your heart.

Conscious Grieving

Death and loss can bring a lot of upheaval to our lives.

We stand in the middle of a past that feels unfinished, a chaotic present, and a frighteningly uncertain future.

It's hard to know what to do?in the middle of this storm.?

Unless we understand the message of grief.

And that message is to stop. Step back from life.

Remember. Honor. Release.

Fully experience who and all of what you’re losing.

These are the things you must do before you're ready to move forward.

After a loved one passes, you may struggle with remorse over things said or not said, done or not done. You may believe the window has shut to make amends.

But it hasn't?

I can guide you through relationship completion, reflection, and rituals to honor your loved ones and find creative ways to make amends.

Relief

I teach my clients techniques for managing the physical and emotional pain of grief.

Bouts of grief can hit with the force of a tsunami wave. And they can come out of nowhere.

You start your day feeling steady. In relative control of your emotions. Then, you hear a particular song or read a random quote in the paper, and bam! Grief blindsides you.

Loss can amplify other emotions as well. At any given moment, you may find yourself struggling with overwhelming guilt, anger, or fear.

I introduce you to proven strategies for riding out the unpredictable emotions of bereavement. These techniques help you steady yourself when grief bursts hit. By dropping resistance and allowing emotions to flow, your suffering eases more quickly.

You also learn how to interpret the meaning in your emotions.

Emotions are messages from your intuition and instincts. They’re calling you to pay attention to something that needs your attention.

You can become skilled at listening, interpreting, and using your emotions to your advantage.

As your emotional literacy grows, your emotions feel less unpredictable and more manageable.

It’s the most powerful skill I can offer you.

Transformation

The word transformation means “a thorough and dramatic change.”

The very thing humans hate most in this world.

Death educator Stephen Jenkinson compares the experience of losing a loved one to “coming through your front door and discovering an unwelcome intruder has completely rearranged your furniture; [it brings you an] “unwelcome opportunity to decide anew what your life would look like….”

You can’t control transformation. But you can control how you respond to it

You can decide to wrestle hard-won blessings out of the worst experience of your life.

Such as…

You can learn more about yourself. Discover deep wells of resilience and personal strength that you never knew you had.

You can figure out what truly matters to you. How you want to contribute to yourself, your family, and your community?

You can identify emotional baggage that you’re ready to leave behind as you move forward into a new chapter of life.

You can commit to living purposefully and boldly during the finite number of days allotted to you.

The death of a loved one can teach you a lot.

Do the lessons make their death worth it? Absolutely not.

But you can wrestle a few hard-won blessings from a difficult life experience.

Life coaches like me are specifically trained to help you do that.

I Love My Work

?People often ask me why I chose this work.

“Isn’t it heartbreaking?” they ask.

Well yes. I do feel my clients’ losses in my heart.

But that doesn’t make my work depressing.

Every day, I see people at their bravest and at their humblest. I see their brilliance as they struggle to reconcile the hardest experiences they’ve ever faced.

I do not believe bad things happen to us “for a reason.”

Death occurs because it’s the nature of things. Its timing is random. And that’s a hard thing for mere mortals to deal with.

Yet my clients deal with it. They do so by creating meaning from their experience and moving forward with purpose.

I don’t bring faith to my clients. They bring it to me.

“I do not at all understand the mystery of grace – only that it meets us where we are but does not leave us where it found us,” wrote author Anne Lamott.

This is how I feel about my work. I see unfathomable grace daily.

That’s why I do what I do.

You're in my heart.

(Banner photo by Joakim Honkasalo?on?Unsplash)

#resilience #resilienthealing #grief #griefhealing #griefcoach #endoflifedoula #chaplain #lifecoach #griefcoach #mindfulness

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Want To Know More About Grief Coaching?

I'm a grief coach who guides bereaved clients through a resilient grieving process. It's a proactive approach to grieving for anyone who's longing for to try new approaches to working through grief. You can learn more about my program by visiting my Work With Me page. Or check out this short video.

You also are welcome to schedule a chat with me.

I offer free discovery calls for anyone who wants to meet me and ask questions about my program. These are free informational calls, and there's no obligation to work with me. You can call if you’re interested in working with me or referring me to someone you know.

Working with a grief coach can be game-changing. You can actively engage in your grief and start feeling progress quickly. You can start seeing the possibility of a fulfilling, enjoyable life after loss.

And you don't have to feel so alone. Let’s chat.

Not ready to call? Send me an email by replying to this message

Download My Grievers Guide

Have you recently lost someone dear to you? Or are you worried about someone who has? Download your copy of A Griever's Guide to The Shadowlands of Loss. It covers some key elements of grieving and a few helpful strategies that can ease your experience of grief.