How to Be a Great Communicator

How to Be a Great Communicator

There is a problem that I have struggled with my entire life. I'm the guy that always has to top the other person's story. I can't help myself. While the other person is talking, I think about which fantastic story I can pull out that will impress them. Or I cut them off and tell them what to do to solve their problem. I have gotten much better at controlling this urge over the past few years, but recently I have made significant improvements.

After about a ten-year hiatus, I have started doing executive coaching again and have worked on?sharpening my questioning and listening ?skills. I understand that my role as a coach is not to be a "sage on the stage" but to be a "guide on the side." It is challenging to change the habit of telling into asking. It can be frustrating not to interrupt when you think you know exactly how to fix the problem. With so many distractions, staying focused on the other person is difficult. So how did I turn things around? Here are a few of the tools I have been using.

Before I say anything, I ask myself these questions.

  • Is what I want to say going to add any real value to this conversation?
  • Do I want to be right, or do I want to be happy?
  • Is it my job to fix this problem or help the other person work through it independently?
  • Do they want my advice or just to be heard?
  • What question can I ask to improve this discussion?
  • I wonder what makes them think/feel that way.
  • I wonder what made them take or not take action on this issue.
  • What outcome are they looking for?
  • What can I do to help them get that outcome?

I also understand that to have an effective conversation, I must make the other person the center of my universe for the time we are together. No cell phone, no laptop, reduce all distractions and make that discussion the most important thing right now. When my mind wanders off thinking about what I want to say once they stop talking, I bring it back to them and stay intensely focused on what they are saying.

I think it comes down to three key things.

  • Be insatiably curious
  • Ask thoughtful questions
  • Be an intense listener

Lastly, I remember I don't have the "right" answer. In most situations, there is no exact right answer. I simply have an opinion. It is a well-reasoned opinion based on 30+ years of experience, but it is still just my opinion.

Keeping these things in mind has made me an infinitely more effective executive coach. They've also significantly improved my interactions with my team members and?in daily life. I have learned that conversation is not a competition. It’s a chance to show the other person that they are important and that you are genuinely interested in what they have to say. This shift in my thinking has made a world of difference.


Please visit my site at?https://johnspence.com/contact/ ?if you want to get in contact with me. I’d love to hear from you.

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Niraj Kapur

Overcome sales objections, ghosting, prospecting challenges and generate more sales. Personalised 1:1 Sales & LinkedIn coaching. Group Training also available. 30 years international selling experience.

1 年

Do you want my advice or do you just want to be heard? This is so important John Spence

Andy Farina

Energizing people & businesses to be, feel and live their best through example & coaching

1 年

Thank you John for once again providing thought provoking content! I like the way you also summarized the 3 key points. I have to wonder, following my curiosity, if your list of questions you ask yourself can also be reduced down to 2-3 key questions to avoid the "paradox of choice" and to make it more memorable and portable, meaning usable daily from memory?

Noi Ha Nguyen

Helping individuals, teams, and organizations to unlock the hidden potentials through inspiring stories of amazing people we interviewed in 73 countries. Being awesome is a choice. Interested to know how?

1 年

Thanks John for sharing this beautiful article. Very good questions to ask.

Randy Schleeter

Sales District Leader- District 306

1 年

Love this John my friend!

Brian R. Smith-PLD

Twenty-six years and counting. Teaching people how to communicate and interact more effectively, build collaborative teams and resolve conflict. Our programs can be delivered virtually, digitally, online, or in person.

1 年

I have that foot-in-mouth disease now and again. I can relate John. Thanks for sharing your story. I have to consciously stop myself from jumping into a conversation until the other person is finished.

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