How To Gracefully Decline A Networking Request

Originally posted on Harvard Business Review.

Summary: You may feel pressure to engage every possible connection. However, continuously giving your time, energy, and focus to the wrong people can add up and take away from more meaningful work.

There are times when it’s to your benefit to respectfully decline a networking invitation. Here are a few red flags to look out for when deciding whether to accept a networking request. 1.) The person is primarily interested in selling you a product or service rather than building a genuine professional relationship. 2.) The request is from someone with a questionable reputation and involves activities that could compromise your integrity. 3.) The person is asking you to help them before you know them. 4.) You have previously interacted with the person and had a negative experience.

You recently landed your first job out of college and are just two weeks into the role when you receive your first networking request. A former classmate has spotted an opening at your organization and sends you a message on LinkedIn. He wants to know:

• Are you available to hop on a quick call?
• Is the company still hiring for that position?
• Would you be able to refer him to the hiring manager?
• Can you suggest any other contacts he can reach out to?

While you consider yourself a personally friendly and professionally generous person, you feel hesitant to respond to this request. Firstly, you’re not familiar with his work. Secondly, you’ve never spoken to him before this moment. Thirdly, you’re still building your reputation and don’t want to make a potentially bad recommendation.

What should you do?

As executive coaches and leadership consultants, we often find ourselves in this situation — fielding networking requests from people whom we know little about but who want to break into our industry or to be introduced to our colleagues and clients. While we certainly value the upsides of networking, over the years, we’ve learned there is equal value in protecting our time and the relationships we’ve worked hard to build.

That’s why our advice to you is: Follow your gut when deciding whether to accept a networking request. There are times when it’s to your benefit to respectfully decline an invitation — and the scenario described above is one of them.

You former classmate has overstepped a golden rule of networking: Ask not what your network can do for you, but what you can do for your network. His request is premature and comes across as self-serving. How will you know if he’s a good fit for the role when you don’t know anything about the quality of his work? Why would you risk your relationships with colleagues by introducing them to someone for whom you can’t vouch? You could end up damaging your credibility.

When you’re new to the workforce, you may feel pressure to engage every possible connection. However, continuously giving your time, energy, and focus to the wrong people can add up and take away from more meaningful work. The sooner you learn this valuable lesson, the more intentional you can be about who you choose to engage with, and the stronger your network will likely be.

The example above is just one of many you may face as you navigate this space. Here are a few more red flags to look out for upon receiving a networking request.

Red Flag #1: The person is primarily interested in selling you a product or service rather than building a genuine professional relationship. For example, if you receive a LinkedIn request to connect that doesn’t mention anything about you, what you have in common or your mutual connections, and solely includes information about what they are selling, you likely want to say no.

Red Flag #2: The request is from someone with a questionable reputation and involves activities that could compromise your integrity or goes against your ethics. Decline their offer to connect.

Red Flag #3: The person is asking you to help them (or otherwise overstepping boundaries) before you know them. Networking shouldn’t be an imposition. It’s an opportunity to make genuine, long-term relationships. But these connections take time to develop. Only after they develop might they bear fruit and lead to additional connections, new projects, or job offers. Those are side effects of building relationships. Anyone who explicitly seeks your help before they’ve built your trust doesn’t deserve a “yes.”

Red Flag #4: You have previously interacted with the person and had a negative experience, or other people in your network have had a negative experience. Saying no to someone who makes you uncomfortable is a valid response. Furthermore, if people you trust are unenthusiastic about this person, consider that to be useful data.

In addition to the red flags other people may give off, there are a few signs you should look out for in yourself:

Red Flag #5: You keep accepting requests that you don’t have time for or that you blow off. If you’re currently managing a large network and cannot effectively engage with additional contacts or if you have an intimate network that you do not want to expand — just say no. Managing your network takes work. It’s fairer to yourself and the other person to decline when you can’t (or don’t truly want to) invest in the relationship.

Red Flag #6:? You’re networking so much that it’s burning you out. In this case, you need to protect your mental health and physical wellbeing. We all need downtime to serve ourselves, so give yourself permission to take it. Should you receive a networking request from someone that you would like to meet or connect with down the line, you can always thank them for reaching out, explain that you’re taking a break from networking, and share that you look forward to following up with them after your break.

Red Flag #7: You have a habit of meeting with people you genuinely want to help, but who have questions that you can’t answer. This signals that you’re wasting time fielding their requests. A better approach is to introduce them to people with expertise that aligns with their ask. If you don’t have anyone to connect them with, be honest. It will save both of you time.

Assuming that you’ve decided there are some networking requests you want to decline, here are a couple of ways to say no in a polite, respectful, and clear way:

Scenario 1: When you are not interested in meeting them now, but you may want to meet them in the future and still want to help.

Thank you for reaching out to connect. I’m unable to commit the time right now to a conversation but would still like to help. Please see a few articles, attached, that are about the topic that you would like to discuss. I’m also a member of [name of professional organization with their website link] that you may consider joining so you can learn more about this topic. I’m attending the annual meeting in May. Perhaps we can meet up then.

You can also offer to introduce them to other people you know who may be helpful to them – but only after you’ve asked those other people whether they’re open to and interested in an introduction.

Scenario 2: You identify one of the red flags above and want to say no — period.

Thank you for reaching out to connect. I maintain a network of people around me that I know well. At this point, I’m not looking to expand my network, but I appreciate your inquiry.

Whenever you feel pressured to say more or do more, remember that you have a finite amount of time, energy, and resources. You’re better off reserving those for relationships you want to deepen and grow. Networking can be a game changer for your personal and professional development. So, empower yourself to say no when networking is not in your — or the other person’s — benefit. You will be grateful that you did.

Originally posted on Harvard Business Review.

Deborah Grayson Riegel is a professional speaker and facilitator, as well as a communication and presentation skills coach. She teaches leadership communication at Duke University’s Fuqua School of Business and has taught for Wharton Business School, Columbia Business School’s Women in Leadership Program, and Peking University’s International MBA Program. She is the author of Overcoming Overthinking: 36 Ways to Tame Anxiety for Work, School, and Life and the best-selling Go To Help: 31 Strategies to Offer, Ask for, and Accept Help.

Loren Margolis?is an executive coach, facilitator and the founder of TLS Leaders, a global leadership development firm. Loren teaches executive presence and career strategies for the women leaders in STEM Program at the State University of New York. Prior, she taught management communication and coached leaders at Columbia Business School and led leadership development for clinical and business leaders at NewYork-Presbyterian Healthcare System.