How to grab (and keep) someone’s attention

I’m sitting here at my desk after a presentation wondering exactly what it takes to peak someone’s interest - why was it that 4 out of 6 stakeholders were really engaged at the meeting, whilst the last 2 couldn’t get their eyes off their phones?

One of the most frustrating things I experience is when stakeholders don’t engage with me. Luckily, Donald Miller, one of my favourite storytellers, have taught me that there’s a really simple reason for why I lose my stakeholders' interest. It’s either because:

1. I’m not talking about something that will help my stakeholder survive and thrive or
2. I’m using too complicated language, so my stakeholders brain has to burn too many calories to understand what I’m saying

Let’s look into what that means and what we can do about it.

EVERY STAKEHOLDER WANTS TO SURVIVE AND THRIVE

The most common mistake most of us do when talking to stakeholders is that we lead the interaction by talking about ourselves. Our history, our needs, our tasks, how much experience we have etc. Stakeholders don’t understand how this information is relevant to them, so this is when they pull out their phones and starting scrolling through their mails for the 30th time this day.

Why?

Because your brain’s primary job is keeping you alive, it doesn’t want to burn up too many calories. Instead it wants to conserve them.

So when your stakeholders brain is presented to information that isn’t relevant to their survival, it doesn’t want to use up the calories considering something that isn’t going to help them survive and thrive.

DODGE THE CURSE OF KNOWLEDGE

Every project manager or change manager tends to make their messages more complicated than they need to be. As HBR puts it: "..executives' love affair with vague strategy statements relates to a phenomenon called the curse of knowledge [...] they are simply summarizing the wealth of concrete data in their heads. But frontline employees, who aren't privy to the underlying meaning , hear only opaque phrases."

In essence: the more we know about a subject, the harder it becomes for us to imagine what it’s like not to know.

If you’ve ever spoken with a developer about their work and witnessed them switch into unfamiliar and complex-sounding language, you’ve seen the curse in action. And developers are not the only example. Many technical and academic fields have their own tribal languages that highlight when the curse has taken over… chances are that you are cursed as well. When we know so much, two things tend to happen: first, we make assumptions in our communication. Our explanations and communication end up being based on those assumptions and we can’t spot the language and terminology we use that confuse our stakeholders. Second, it causes us to give stakeholders overwhelming amounts of information way before they are ready to absorb it.

As a result, your stakeholders tap out and lose confidence in you and what you’re saying.

So, you need ways in which you can show your stakeholder that you can help them survive, thrive and conserve calories and be really clear when you explain how to them.

TACTIC #1 - BE USEFUL

If you only remember one thing from this article, let it be this: be useful.

The question any person you encounter is always asking you, probably without knowing so, is always “what problem do you solve?” and if you get into the business of solving problems, as a leader, as a project manager, as a helpful colleague or a good friend, is that you become useful.

Before suggesting a solution to anyone, you need to verify that the solution is useful in helping your stakeholder achieve his or her goals. Look at your stakeholder as the hero in a story, and yourself as the guide. What does the hero want? A pay raise, acknowledgement from someone specific, to make a career move, an improved reputation, less work, more time with their family, learn how to dance or maybe run a marathon? Once you know this you are able to figure out how your solution can help them achieve this goal and then position yourself as a guide to them. Solving a problem; that is how you’re useful.

TACTIC #2 - OPEN A LOOP

Your brain is hardwired to pay attention to what we call “open loops.” The idea is that we pay closer attention to interrupted or incomplete things. Our brain holds onto these incomplete things because it wants a resolution.

Our daily life is filled with open loops. Needing transportation opens a loop, a bicycle ride closes it. The title of this article opened a loop, reading the article to the end closes it. Rumours opens a loop, confronting a colleague closes it. Try to guess what others tactics I will present to you in this article? You probably can’t so you will keep reading till you find out even if you don’t have the time. Annoying, right? Well, that is your brain trying to close an open loop.

When you fail to open a loop in your stakeholders mind, you miss out on the momentum that would have carried the stakeholder from unsupportive to supportive, the employees from resistant to engaging.

Try saying this next time you want to grab someone’s attention: “You’re still struggling with [insert problem here]? I have come to think of something that could solve it for you.” I guarantee you will have their attention.

But as you might imagine, you can’t just open loops — you need to close them as well. With a skilfully created narrative you can do both.

So how, specifically, do you open a loop? Well, you’ll have to wait for me to publish this article in order to find out ;)

TACTIC #3 - PROBLEM, SOLUTION, RESULT

Always let the first thing you say address your stakeholders problem. Use it to open a loop.

So many of us make the crucial mistake of leading a conversation or presentation with information about ourselves or our project. Let’s say we were to present a project plan to a board of directors. When we open with “Welcome, first let me introduce myself and the project” we have already lost our stakeholders attention and it will be an uphill battle to ever get it back. Instead when we open with “Welcome, let me tell you about the risks you are facing and how I will help you mitigate them” we have their full attention. We opened a loop and positioned ourselves as their guide that show them how to close it; the risks open the loop, and our project plan will close it. They won’t know unless we tell them.

Open your story with an actual problem that your stakeholder is facing, explain the solution and wrap the whole narrative by giving details of what the result will look like (the result should be an improved situation). The essence of all of this is being useful by showing your stakeholder that you care: you put their struggles before your own, you understand their problem and you want to help them find a solution. They won’t know if you don’t tell them. And always relate information and advice to people. If what you’re presenting in any way relates to human beings, then tell your listeners about human beings; people (your stakeholders) care about what happens to people in stories, particularly in relevant, well structured, advice filled stories explained in a clear and simple language.

Some people think their stakeholders can connect the dots themselves. And absolutely they can - they just don’t do it. Because they don’t have time. They are busy finding ways to survive and thrive. So tell them.

If this resonates with you but you’re quite sure how to use it for your specific situation, read Exactly what to say to get someone interested in your suggestions where I flesh out how to master this technique and have added a bunch of real life examples. I'll publish it on Wednesday next week.

TACTIC #4 TUNE IT UP BY DUMBING IT DOWN

Tune up your communication success rate by speaking in terms that are so simple, you wonder if you sound stupid because you’re simplifying it so much. That’s a good baseline to mitigate the curse. For example, if you’re a software developer and need to explain to non-technical managers, there’s a likely risk that the curse of knowledge will interfere with your ability to be clear and understable. In example:

When curse of knowledge has taken over:

“The data integration solution isn’t live because the B2B EDI solution doesn’t meet the URS so it is blocked due to the work flow configuration”

when you’ve overcome the curse:

“The two systems that need to communicate, your IT system and your customers IT system, can’t talk to each other because they speak in different languages and there is no translating functionality that we can use that also meet the requirements and rules we have set up for the process”.

Was this article useful to you, anything that resonated? I'ld love to know,