How to Be a Good Friend | #MyFridayStory No. 365
Friendships are among the most valuable relationships we’ll ever have. They bring joy, comfort, and a sense of belonging. Yet, in today's world, friendships often feel disposable. Many of us live increasingly insular lives, with fewer close friends than past generations.
Unlike math or history, there’s no school subject or structured course to teach us how to be good friends. We learn as we go, influenced heavily by our upbringing and the relationships modelled around us. It’s largely nurture—not nature—that shapes our ability to connect with others. For those without access to professional therapy or counselling, figuring out the “dos and don’ts” of friendship can feel daunting.
Over my six decades of life, I’ve experienced the joy of lifelong friendships and the sting of connections that faded over time. Some of my closest friendships began in childhood—classmates I met at 5, 6, or 7 years old. Those bonds, forged through shared schools, sports fields and homes, have been unshakable to this day.
As I moved schools, served in the army, got married, and built my career, I discovered how circumstances shape our friendships. While the military is often a crucible for lifelong bonds, I left my national service with only one friendship to show for it. Later, when I opened an American diner in my early 30s, I found a new circle of friends who became a cornerstone of my social life and have remained close ever since.
As I’ve aged, I’ve noticed that making new friends becomes harder. Careers, families, and geography all play a role. And while friendships are built on shared values and experiences, they also require intentionality—effort, empathy, and understanding.
In today’s age of smartphones and social media, relationships face new challenges. Platforms designed to connect us often leave us feeling lonelier, more anxious, and less empathetic. Studies reveal that excessive screen time erodes our ability to form deep connections. We’re distracted, less present, and often caught up in the curated versions of each other’s lives.
Western culture also celebrates individuality and self-reliance, often at the expense of community and equality. This mindset can lead to transactional friendships, where connections are maintained for convenience rather than mutual care.
So, how do we nurture meaningful friendships in this modern world? I don’t profess to get it right all the time, but here are some thoughts:
Practice Empathy and Kindness
Treat your friends as you’d like to be treated. Listen actively, show genuine interest in their lives, and offer support without expecting anything in return.
Be Reliable and Consistent
Show up. Whether it’s a planned coffee date or a midnight call during a crisis, reliability is the bedrock of trust in any friendship.
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Give Grace and Forgiveness
No one is perfect. Friends will disappoint you, and you will disappoint them. Forgiveness and understanding go a long way in maintaining long-term relationships.
Adapt to Life’s Seasons
Friendships evolve as life changes. Marriage, parenthood, career shifts, divorce, or personal struggles can create distance. Stay in touch, even if it’s just a quick message or call.
Learn to Let Go
Not every friendship is meant to last forever. If a connection becomes toxic or one-sided, it’s okay to step away with gratitude for what the friendship once was.
The adage, “Show me a man’s friends, and I’ll show you the man,” rings true. Friendships reflect who we are and who we aspire to be. Choose friends who inspire, challenge, and uplift you. Seek relationships based on mutual respect and shared values rather than convenience or appearances.
As a parent and grandparent, I see firsthand the damage that can be caused by an “always-on” society. For younger generations, the question isn’t just how to be a good friend but also how to reclaim the lost art of genuine connection. Researchers suggest reducing screen time, prioritising face-to-face interactions, and fostering emotional intelligence from a young age. Parents, educators, and communities—you and me—play a vital role in teaching the next generation the value of friendships.
Ultimately, friendships are the family we choose. Treat them with care, and they’ll enrich your life like nothing else can.
Have a wonderful weekend and remember to be generous! ??
As always, thanks for reading. ??
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1 个月I can honestly say that my true friends are so few, I could probably count them on one hand. My friends are like family to me, especially since I moved to New Zealand without having any family here. Along the way, I’ve learned that not all “friends” have your best interests at heart. Some people are like energy vampires—every conversation revolves around them, leaving you feeling drained. Then there are those who only remember you when their other plans fall through or when they’ve got nothing better to do. It’s true that when a friendship feels forced or leaves you exhausted, it’s probably a sign that it’s time to step away. Life’s too short to surround yourself with people who don’t uplift you.
Fashion designer
1 个月Friendship is one of the purest love that ever exists if cherished and nurtured this love can be more than that of blood relation, one without attachment.
Student @ University of Namibia
1 个月There’s profound truth in this statement. Growing up, I didn’t give much thought to the concept of friendship. However, as I approached the end of my undergraduate studies, the meaning of friendship began to resonate deeply with me. I’ve come to realize that friendship embodies the purest form of love, acceptance, comfort, and care.
Managing Director at Anno Domini Insurance Brokers (PTY) Ltd.
1 个月100% good article Frans
Educator
1 个月Well said. Friendships and relationships are the epitome of life.