How to be a good ally

As we celebrate LGBT History Month, it's important for those of us who aren’t members of the LGBT+ community to reflect on how we can be better allies, both personally and professionally. This month isn't just about recognising the strides the LGBTQ+ community has made, but also about ensuring we, as allies, contribute positively and meaningfully. With this in mind, here are six key ways to become a better ally this LGBT History Month:

1) Embrace True Acceptance

In my view, allyship is not about tolerance. It’s about acceptance, and that’s a key distinction. Tolerance suggests merely putting up with someone or something, whereas acceptance means showing the same level of love, care and compassion to others that you would want others to show to you. If I want to be accepted for the sum of all my parts—my gender, my background, my religion—then I must extend that same acceptance to others, regardless of their sexual orientation or identity. After all, we are all individuals, not issues. Acceptance is about recognising our common humanity, and understanding that we all have experiences, characteristics, and aspects that make us unique and worthy of respect.

2) Support Pronoun Choice

A crucial part of being a supportive ally is respecting others' pronouns. When someone shares their pronouns with you, it’s a gesture of trust and vulnerability. Solidarity means acknowledging and using these pronouns without hesitation or discomfort. You can show support by including your pronouns in email signatures, name badges, and even introducing yourself with them if you feel it’s appropriate. This helps normalise conversations about pronouns, reduces misgendering, and creates an environment where everyone feels seen and respected for who they are.

3) Champion Inclusion for All

Allyship doesn’t mean picking and choosing which causes or identities to support. It’s a commitment to all protected characteristics—sexual orientation, gender identity, religion, nationality, and socio-economic status, among others. I’ve seen firsthand how easy it is for people to focus on one area of inclusion but ignore others. For example, it’s important to defend the rights of people whose religious beliefs are different from your own. I personally hold a Christian faith, but that doesn’t stop me from fighting tooth and nail for the equality and inclusion of people of all faiths and none. Allyship is about the inclusion of all.

4) Lead by Example

One of the most inspiring things I’ve seen in my time supporting LGBTQ+ initiatives is watching young people step into leadership roles. For example, I’ve helped run LGBTQ+ support groups in schools, and it’s been incredibly rewarding to see students, like a young man who led his own club, take the initiative. It’s also been inspiring to witness a trans student serving as the student principal at one of our schools. These leadership opportunities, facilitated by LGBT+ and allies groups, show that inclusivity and allyship are helping to transform the lives of future generations. The way students are now growing into their identities—whether they identify as LGBTQ+ or not—gives me hope for the future.

5) Change the Curriculum

As someone who works in education, I’ve seen the profound impact that a heteronormative curriculum can have on students, especially those who are questioning their identity. I’ve heard stories from young people who, for years, struggled in silence because there was no space for them to talk about their experiences. One example comes from research I conducted for my PhD into the challenges young people face around sexuality. A student, who had been exploring his sexual identity at 14, was abused by an older man after engaging in online sexting. For four years, he carried guilt around with him because he didn’t feel he could talk to anyone—there were no discussions around gay or queer identity in the curriculum at his school. Eventually, he was able to talk to someone about it but not before he reached a crisis point. This young person’s story shows how vital it is for schools to address gender and sexuality as part of a broader, more inclusive curriculum.

To change the curriculum, we need to ask ourselves: Are we teaching young people what they need to know, or what we think they should know? We live in an era of rapid change, especially with the rise of AI, and we need to adapt our education to reflect these shifts. Our curriculums should evolve to meet the needs and realities of the students, even if that means challenging traditional views or approaches.

6) Confront Fear and Stand Strong

Being an ally isn’t always easy. Sometimes, fear can hold us back—fear of rejection, fear of challenging others’ beliefs, fear of making a mistake. For example, coming from a more conservative Pentecostal Christian background, I’ve faced pushback for being a vocal LGBTQ+ ally. Some have even called me "Jon the radical." But in standing by my values and beliefs, I know I’m making a difference. As an ally, it's important to listen, offer your perspective, and help people come to their own conclusions. There may be challenges along the way, but if we remain consistent, non-judgmental, and empathetic, I have no doubt we’ll pave the way for greater acceptance and inclusion.

In Conclusion

Being an ally is an ongoing journey. It involves continuously educating ourselves, being in solidarity with others, and pushing back against unjust systems. It’s about making active choices to support LGBTQ+ people, standing for inclusion across all protected characteristics, and being visible in our support. The more we embrace acceptance, respect pronouns, and advocate for inclusive curricula, the more we contribute to building a world where everyone is included and can reach their God-given potential. For those of us who aren’t LGBT+, let’s use this LGBT History Month to celebrate stories of the past and recommit to being better allies in the future.