How to give a truly shit speech

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-7z0S-iKSo&feature=youtu.be

People often ask me “What are the ingredients to a great speech?” Or “What is the one secret you can give me so I can be great at giving speeches?”

It’s the kind of desperate, rabbit-hole, meaningless small talk question I run away from at weddings and social gatherings at all costs, to be honest… by saying “Keep it short, shut up when you’ve said what you’ve come to say and only talk about things you know about.” Then I escape. 

But for those who really do want to ramp up their impact and put fuel in their careers - people who ask because they want to make changes rather than superficial small talk - it is a very good question. 

If you ask Professor Google, you’ll find countless “experts” all willing to pitch in with their ideas on what makes a good speech. All probably fair but all a bit dull and... duh.. obvious.  

Let’s do it the other way round: “Top Tips on How To Make a Truly Shit Speech”. Because you’re far more likely to hear a shit speech than a great speech. 

Authenticity is key

“Just be you. You don’t need to rehearse - that’s not the authentic you. You don't rehearse for anything else, do you? Exactly! So don't worry about rehearsing. Just go out and speak. You might lose your way, but it’s endearing and you'll be authentic.”

Wrong! 

Athletes practice and rehearse three, four, five months before they get into a competition - much more so at the higher levels. You need to get the unconscious ability level. If your speech is worth giving, shouldn't you rehearse too? (Of course you shouldn’t be wooden but proper rehearsal doesn’t do that!). I spoke recently with an Olympian Silver medallist - his winning event was over in under 10 seconds, but his preparation was nearly a decade. 

Use up all the time allotted.

“So, you’ve been asked to speak. This is your one-off opportunity. Don’t lose the opportunity! Prove yourself! Speak for 30 minutes or 45, you’re the expert witness after all. You are being asked to give a keynote speech. Why not speak for 60 - that's a nice round number. They won't feel that you've cheated or shortchanged them.” 

Wrong! 

Attention spans are getting shorter and shorter all the time. If you can't grab people's attention within seconds and hold it, what the hell are you speaking for? 

TEDMED and TED speakers are limited to talks of a maximum of 18 minutes, but most of the successful ones are four, five, six or seven minutes. 

Limit yourself to that. You don't have to tell them everything you know. You have to give them one big idea and then, guess what? Shut up. 

Lecturers and professors are often the worst public speakers. They are used to filling up 45 minute slots - that’s their job. But their audience is captive - a luxury most speakers don’t have! 

Don’t Smile

“You don't need to smile. You don't need to look at their faces. You don't need to create a personal bond with them. Just deliver. Broadcast your message. It'll be fine.”

Wrong! 

People hear at different paces, they hear at different speeds and at different levels to how you broadcast. 

You need to play “give and take” with them. You need to see how they're responding. Are they nodding? Are they smiling? Are they looking at their phones? Are they talking to each other? Do you need to go back? Do you need to deploy a big pause? Do you need to repeat? Or stop and ask a question. 

You have to smile. You have to create a bond. This is not a radio broadcast, although smiling works there too but that's another topic altogether. You need to get this two-way relationship moving. 

Use Well Known Analogies

“There's no such thing as an overused analogy. Use tried and tested analogies… people like them, they're familiar with them.”

Wrong!

To be honest, most analogies are cliches. Cliche status means they've lost all their potency, their colour. They've lost the colour, they've lost any texture. They've lost any meaning. They don’t trigger a mental image let alone a mental video. They’re just making noise.

Instead, use original analogies. You’re trying to make people think, so use comparisons that require thought. 

Always use PowerPoint

“PowerPoint is your friend. Always use PowerPoint. It saves you time! Use it for pictures. Use it for presentations. Use it for everything. It's often a great help to you. It's an aide memoire. Write all your speaker notes onto the PowerPoint slides. It doesn't matter how many points there are. It doesn't matter how small the font size is.

You can even turn around and read it, it's amazing!!! You need no prep. Easy. What could be better or easier for you?” 

Wrong!

PowerPoint kills - it bores people. And it kills your message. If you haven’t been bored by a PPT presentation, you haven’t seen one. 

PowerPoint presentations should be used in only the most exceptional circumstances - when they underpin and support what you’re saying, not when they replace what you’re saying, or are being used as a crutch. 

And even then … they should be great visual representations that enhance and support your message. And they are useful for embedding video and key data - when done well. 

Start Talking Straight Away

“Always start talking as soon as you get onto the stage. It’s fine, you’re being animated and active. You don’t need to give them time to put their phones away, to think, to consider. You don’t need to let the cameras focus on time, no, this is important stuff - so start talking immediately. Plus you’ve got so much to say so start early!

No pauses, and no time for them to focus on you. None of that. Keep them awake” 

Wrong! 

Let’s assume you’re giving an important message. Get on the stage, stand up straight and take 2-3 seconds to pause, give the cameras time to focus, calm yourself and let your eyes adjust to the lights, give the audience time to notice you’re on the stage and to stop talking and put their phones down, and then, when you have their attention, start your speech. I coached someone for a TEDx event in London. At the event was another speaker who paced the stage throughout his overlong, unthought-through rambling rant. He was animated alright - but his physical movements didn’t add to his message - they were severely disruptive distractions. 

Calm delivery 

“You don’t need to worry about how articulate your words are, or how you deliver your speech. Focus on the content. Just give it all at the same speed because this is something they will then be able to process, easily and digestively, if you understand what I mean. There’s no need for highs or lows, just keep it all monotone, you don’t want to scare the horses”. 

Wrong! 

A great speech is like great music. It has ups and downs, it has pauses, crescendos, silences. Pauses are powerful magic. It also has bits that are really fast and bits that are really slow.

Don’t speak in a monotone, unless you want to see a whole room of people dozing or illuminated by their phones. 

Variety of themes

“‘Variety is the spice of life’, they say. Use lots of different analogies, words, themes. Be far-ranging, be wide-ranging, be extremely broad. Something for everyone! Different strokes for different folks. Then it’s up to them to pay attention and follow, they’re the audience, you’re just giving your speech”. 

Wrong! 

‘What’s the big idea’ is the theme behind all TED and TEDMED talks. What’s the big idea, what’s the big theme, what’s the big call to action? The. Singular. 

Maybe you have more than one message in a corporate setting like an AGM, a Capital Markets Day, a Trading update or an internal employee engagement event. Ok - fair enough. But… limit what you say to one or two things, maybe three - absolute maximum, and then let the audience absorb what you’ve said. If they don’t remember what you’ve said, you’ve no chance of changing their behaviour or their attitude or their opinion. 

You’re trying to trigger action, to change behaviour, to persuade - you’re not reading out an essay. 

What’s your big idea, tell that, and then leave it alone. 

And there we have it - 8 ways to screw up your communication. An incomplete, non-exhaustive and tongue-in-cheek starter guide to giving a really shit speech. 

Would you and your career benefit from being a better communicator?

If you’re interested in 1-2-1 no-nonsense discreet professional coaching - identifying, distilling, crafting and delivering your message - get in touch.