How to Give and Receive Constructive Feedback with Ease

How to Give and Receive Constructive Feedback with Ease?

Many of us love to hear positive feedback from our clients and peers. But what about constructive? Hearing how you can be better at your job may be a hard pill to swallow. Telling your staff how they can improve their performance may feel really uncomfortable. But this does not have to be the case. If you follow simple steps to help construct your feedback conversation, you may find out how fearless this conversation can be, both for the person giving the feedback and for the person receiving it.?

Feedback aims to either reinforce productive behaviors or change unproductive ones. Feedback is necessary to help grow people both personally and professionally. In the personal realm, it can help us foster stronger friendships and build trusting relationships.

In the professional realm, we use feedback to help employees perfect their skills and become future leaders. These conversations help us hold ourselves and others accountable, make wiser decisions, leverage diversity, create a culture of trust, excel in our business, and so much more.?

Even the greatest communicators can struggle with finding the right words to say when giving feedback, especially to a peer or staff member. Thankfully, we can plan constructive feedback in such a way that we can easily handle this conversation using a formula I created called the Feedback Formula.

The Feedback Formula

Step 1:?Clearly and objectively?Define the Behavior?you plan to give feedback on. Include when and where you observed the behavior and what exactly the behavior was. A word of caution; you must have observed this behavior; it cannot be hearsay information. Remove adjectives, adverbs, and emotions.?

Here is an example:?"This morning in our weekly tag-up meeting, you interrupted David as he was speaking."

Step 2:?Clearly and objectively?Define the Impact of the Behavior. In constructive feedback, your purpose is to change an unproductive behavior to a productive one. As a result, you have to define why the behavior is unproductive without emotion.?

Let's continue with our example:?"This morning in our weekly tag-up meeting, you interrupted David as he spoke, and?we didn't hear the rest of what David had to say."

What you want to refrain from is assigning blame or making up a story. You wouldn't want to say,?"This morning in our weekly tag-up meeting, you cut David off while he spoke, which was rude. David most likely felt that you didn't value what he had to say."?If you say this, be prepared, you may be met with a harsh retort. Even though we may classify this behavior as?rude, you do not want to say this because it may create a defensive posture. Also, if you do not know how David felt, you cannot make it up. Making up information will lessen your credibility, and you may lose the trust of your peers and staff.?

Step two is the most crucial because it is very delicate in nature. You must choose your words carefully and get them right so the person you are giving the feedback to listens without taking it personally.

Step 3:?Ask this person to?Change the Behavior?and explain why.

Let's continue with our example:?"This morning in our weekly tag-up meeting, you interrupted David as he spoke, and we didn't hear the rest of what David had to say. We value what everyone has to say, so after David is done speaking, then please contribute to the conversation."

Now you have an efficient feedback statement! After I deliver my feedback statement, I stop talking to let the other person respond. If they remain silent, I may ask them,?"How do you feel about the feedback I just provided?"

We know how important it is for all employees to feel they have a voice and are heard. If you want to add that to the conversation, you can. However, the clearer this message is - with less dialogue - the more influential the feedback is.?

And don't forget to follow up! This may be a quick meeting with this individual or even a check-in phone call or email to see the progress this person has made on changing the behavior. Maybe it was a one-and-done deal, or maybe, this will be an ongoing struggle because you are dealing with a certain personality trait – such as oversharing or overbearing – that will take some time to change.

And one more final tip, feedback must be timely! Do not wait a day or a week to give it. That is as effective as treating a dog two minutes after seeing the behavior you want to reward.

How to Receive Constructive Feedback

I am no stranger to receiving constructive feedback. I have been on that side of the conversation many times, and perhaps that is why I created an easy technique to help you remain emotionally calm and confident when someone is trying to help you change your unproductive behaviors.

First, you must?Listen to it.?Active listening means you are paying attention to every word that someone is saying to you, and you are observing how it is being said. Communication comes in two channels, verbal and nonverbal, so you need to listen (not hear) and look (not see). To do that, your mind must be quiet. If you start an internal dialogue, shut it down. If you feel yourself becoming emotional, put your emotions on pause by simply changing your thoughts about the feedback you are receiving. If your thoughts are negative, you will experience negative emotions. If you are actively listening, your thoughts should be quiet anyway.

Second,?Consider it. Maybe, just maybe, you do need to change how you do things. You are not perfect; none of us are. So instead of judging the feedback or the person giving it, consider making the change they offer you. Sometimes we are unaware of how we come across to others or how we prefer to make decisions or organize a project. There may be a better way than your way, so consider it.

Third, be?Thankful for it.?Guess what? This person giving you feedback is doing so to help you. And they may have feared having this conversation but are still having it regardless. Thank them for having the courage to be uncomfortable while trying to help you. Be grateful.?

Before I have to give constructive feedback, I will write it down on paper and test it out. I ask myself, if this was said to me, how would I feel? I even practice saying my feedback statement out loud so I know how I sound. Once you get used to this formula and put in the reps, you will become so comfortable giving and receiving feedback that this may become some of your most effortless conversations.

If you would like to find out more about the training I offer that can help enhance your communication and leadership skills, don't hesitate to get in touch with me or visit my website here:?https://www.thecongruencygroup.com/train-with-lena