How to give compliments while avoiding the pitfalls

Giving compliments can be a little tricky. So here are 10 Handy Hints to help us give compliments while at the same time, avoiding some of the pitfalls.

1.    If in doubt, don’t.

If you think the receiver - or in some cases, even onlookers - might look at your compliment in a poor light, it’s usually best not to give it.

2.    Don’t be shy.

If you get past Handy Hint 1, then don’t be shy. On the whole, people like positive things said about them. Having said that, make sure the compliment is sincere, deserved and appropriate for the person, the relationship and the situation.

3.    Don’t wait for the person to do something really amazing.

You don’t have to wait for someone to do something really amazing before you give them a compliment. On the other hand, beware of giving them for extremely minor accomplishments and giving them too often - there's a balance to be struck here.

4.    You can give a compliment for something you didn’t see. 

You can give a compliment to someone because of what someone else has told you. For example: "Hey Karen. I heard you did a great job with your conference presentation. Well done."

5.    Give compliments for efforts as well as results.

People often do their best and work hard but fail to achieve the results they or other people were after. People deserve to be complimented for their effort.

6.    Don’t just be sincere, sound sincere.

Of course, you should only give compliments which are accurate and appropriate, but you also need to sound sincere and genuine.

7.    Stay within the boundaries of good manners.

Stay away from compliments which can be seen as overstepping the boundaries of good manners and good taste. For example, avoid giving compliments which are potentially embarrassing no matter how well-intentioned they are. And avoid giving them about things you probably shouldn’t know about or are they might see as too personal. Be especially careful about making comments about someone’s body – people might be happy they’ve taken off weight but it doesn’t mean they necessarily want people to mention it.

8.    Don’t look like you want a response.

It is common for someone who has been complimented to say ‘thank you’ but don't expect it. People mightn't catch what you said, could be be embarrassed or could simply have a lot of things on their mind. If you don’t get a ‘thank you’, simply let it go.

9.    Don’t expect something in return.

Do not expect a compliment in return – that's not what giving compliments is about. And don’t compliment someone just because they’ve complimented you.

10. Be specific.

If you are not specific, you run the risk of the person either feeling you weren’t sincere or responding by asking ‘what do you mean’. So, instead of saying something like "What a nice place you have here." consider saying something like "I really like what you've done with .......”. Instead of saying something like "Sue, you're a good pianist", consider saying something like "I really liked the way you played that piece of music." And instead of saying “I like ....” consider saying something like “I admire …” or “I’m inspired by …”

And your own Handy Hints are ....

I’m sure you have plenty of ideas for how to give a compliment, so please feel free to share them below or in a message to me on LinkedIn.

All the very best, Mark.