How to get yourself out of a dark place

In 2012 I had a nervous breakdown. I was diagnosed clinically and chronically depressed, and with a one year old boy, new marriage and home - the feeling of failure was STRONG.?

I had lost my identity. Didn’t know who I was as a woman, a wife, a mother and so threw myself into my profession in the world of Education.?

Looking back - a decade later, I realised the patterns in my behaviour were not just forming after I had my son.?

In fact they had run wild most of my life. Toxic relationships, both romantic and friendships. My own toxic behaviour towards my self-esteem and self-image driving most of my actions.?

All of this combined with a horrific assault at the hand of a family member, which was never properly dealt with in therapy, meant I was the perfect storm for the catastrophe that came about.?

The important thing I want to share with readers - it that I would not change a thing to know what I know now. About myself, about High Performance and about my clients and society as a whole.?

My breakdown gave me so much - and it will be my life’s work to educate and inform so that other women don’t have to go through the horrific experience before becoming knowledgeable on this life-skill stuff.?

There’s two angles I want to take here.

1. What you do to get yourself out of a dark place
2. What you do to keep yourself there

In this blog I’ll be sharing years of lived experience and research to bring a rounded view of what you can be doing to support yourself. I am not a doctor. I have no medical training. If you are feeling any of the symptoms of depression and / or anxiety - please go and see a doctor / therapist and seek professional guidance. Good - now that’s out the way - we can start working on your behaviour, thinking and feelings.?

What to do to get yourself out of a dark place

1. Seek professional and then medical help if needed- first and foremost a therapist. If they recommend you go and see a doctor - take their advice. Medication saved my life - but that’s because things got sooo bad before I took action. That might not be the case for you - and honestly only you can know.?
2. Come back to basics and take REAL liberty with luxury. Need fresh air but worried about the heating? If you can afford to do so - turn up the heating, open that window and do what you need to get yourself comfortable. Get into bed. As often as you need / like and have a hot water bottle and some very lovely lounging clothes to keep you company. Get food delivered if you can. Ready made healthy meals you can pop in the oven. The less you have to think about it the better.
3. Communicate with your partner, family and friends. You need time to recover. You don’t know how long it will take. You might make plans and cancel them last minute. Explain it’s not personal - it’s just that you’re going through a tough time right now and need to be looking after yourself.?
4. Once you’ve done the three above - and only then - start looking at your foundations. Water? Drink more? Brushing teeth? Twice a day. Movement outside - if you can. What are you eating? Have an apple and a banana. Managing the basics consistently will set the foundations you need to start emerging back into the real world.?
5. Sleep hygiene. Map out your sleeping pattern and work out how much sleep you think you need. Take a nap during the day and make your nap, bedtime and wake up time - the same time each and every single day.?

What to do to keep yourself out of a dark place

1. Don’t stop doing 3,4 & 5 above when you start feeling better. These are the non-negotiables. I see this very often. A client will begin to feel better and then take on the world again, immediately forgetting to do all of the things that got her out of a tough spot. Don’t be that person. Be diligent about the basics.
2. Start reading. Every day. Get yourself out of your head and into other worlds. Learn, absorb and grow your mind. I can’t tell you how important this is - so much research has been done into the benefits of reading to help mental health. It can't be ignored.
3. Start exercising and tracking your monthly cycle. Start small and don’t bite off more than you can chew. A walk 3 times a week. Fab. A swim once a week - great. If you set out to exercise every day you will fail. Start small and build up.?
4. Keep creating purpose in your life. If your job sucks - time to think about a change. Don’t have anything to look forward to? Get a trip booked in. Experiences are more impactful for creating long term happiness - so spend your money on booking things you will enjoy rather than buying STUFF that gets washed down the drain.?

It’s a lot - I know. But if you were to read this blog and take step by step action on the above, you would start to feel the positive impact. All I can say is - if you are going through a dark and confusing time - you are not alone. And you don’t have to solve it alone.

You are not a burden.?

You are worthy of love and support.

We need you to heal and feel like yourself again.?

Here are some places you can seek additional support if you need to:

The Samaritans

Mind

Better Help Therapy